Acceptance

Life has been a whirlwind of emotions around here...all good, but a whirlwind nonetheless. Anyway, I found this excerpt awhile back, LOVE it, and thought I would share. It's by an author called Veronica Shoffstall.

" After awhile you learn the difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul; you learn that life does not mean leaning, and company does not always mean security; you begin to learn that kisses are not contracts and presents are not promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head high and your eyes ahead, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain, for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns, if you get too much. You learn to plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers; and you learn that (by God's sustaining grace,) you can really endure; that you really are strong; and that you really do have worth. "

God is good...all the time!

I have heard that saying SO many times...I even have a clock that says it. Get it? All the "time," get it, get it...ha?! Anyway, dorky statements aside, God truly is good, all the time. I'm sitting here in an attitude of thankfulness to God today. Sometimes I am just filled with such an awe of the Lord and all that He has done in my life. Of course, most days, I forget to thank God...I ask Him for stuff. God do this, God do that...God I need this, God I need that...blech! It's a wonder God keeps the phone line open!

But He does. Jeremiah 33:3 says, "Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things..." I like that verse, kind of like God giving us His number. "Just call me," God says, and I will show you things. Things that God will do to get that answer your way; things that maybe we need to do in order to receive that answer; or the "other" answer, NO. Or worse yet, WAIT! I think I would rather get a NO than a WAIT. Ugh. Who wants to wait for anything?! It amazes me though, how detailed God is. He knows the desires of our heart, and the Bible tells us that if we delight in Him, that He will give us those desires. As we delight in Him, our focus is drawn heavenward, so that our desires truly are what God desires for our lives. And He knows how to make them come to pass. He has the ability to so strategically line things up in our lives so that everything meshes at just the right time, simply to meet our need.

It sure is nice to know that God is in control of EVERYTHING. That when we can't trace God, we can trust Him. When we cannot see the end of the trial we are going through; or the problem seems to big for anyone to handle, we can trust that God is in the business of working all things together for our good. All things. That means every single thing that happens in our lives, be it good, bad or indifferent, God's word promises to work it all out for our good, for those that love God. Auhhh.

Maybe that is why I feel such a thankfulness today. Maybe today, if just for today, I think I actually am resting in that concept. God really is good...all the time.

"When warriors dream, Giants die!"

That was the theme of summer camp this year. Radical Reality does 3 camps a year, for teenagers. We have one during Spring break and then 2 in July. We just finished the last one for the year. The young people head to Chico for a week, where they are exposed to God in a way that I wish all teenagers could be. I will try to post pics if I can get my hands on some. Pictures really cannot due justice to all the Lord did in the lives of the people. I have been lucky enough to be part of this camp for awhile now...and I don't think I have ever seen a response from the kids like I did this last week. They were hungry; hungry for the things of God. They wanted to stay around and worship God, even after being dismissed. It was really cool to see. Anyway, that's what I have been up to...for the one person that actually was wondering!

Happy Birthday Sis!

My younger sister, Jessica, has a birthday this week. I have 3 siblings, all younger. 1 brother and 2 sisters. Jessica's "story" is nothing short of amazing. God has done a true miracle in her life. She is a very strong person; even though she may dis-agree with that. I have learned from her. Not only is she my sister, but she's my pal. I stole a really cool idea from another blog. Did I just say stole? I meant that I "borrowed" an idea!

THE TOP 10 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY SIS:

(Warning!! Serious cheeze factor here!)

10. She uses the word "slice" when offering a stick of gum.

9. She CRACKS me up! She really is hillarious! Oh the belly laughs we had when we used to drive to work together. When we got in the car after work, we had always left the radio cranked from how it was in the morning...it's a wonder we are able to hear.

8. As a teen, she had her hair in spikes...and wore dog collars...with no shame.

7. Her funky sense of style. She has always dressed different from the norm, and can totally pull it off.

6. We call each other "sister."

5. There is nobody more dramatic than Jess! She should win an Oscar just for living.

4. She worries about me having a profile on the Internet.

3. Jess is so much fun and easy going. My kid loves to be at her house. Probably because she gets to shoot water guns inside and do fun things that would make me cringe.

2. She is a servant. Jess is always quick to help someone...it's 2nd nature for her. If she sees a homeless person, she will get them food. If someone is stranded in their car, she will stop and help. She is always quick to help me when I need it.

1. She's a really, really great friend.

There's tons more, but I had to limit myself otherwise I would be here a long time! Ok, so that was super hokey, I know. But I love my siblings. We have been through alot together...and we each have our own story because of it. We are very different from one another, however we all seem to have the same sense of humor. We really have a good time when we are together! It makes me want to have more kids, just so Joei can have these kinds of friendships. There really is no other relationship quite like that of a sister. Happy Birthday Jess!

Love

The other day, Joei was having a snack. I just gave her a quick kiss on the head and told her I loved her. Her reply was so adorable I have to share; she said, "Thank you mama."

That really just tickled me. She is so right though! When someone says they love us, we should be thankful! I guess I forget that sometimes. I'm thankful that I have people that love me. The next time someone tells you they love you, just tell 'em thanks!

Joei's favorite song at the moment

She loves this song, it cracks me up to hear her sing it! Sorry for the over-kill of tunes here...just learned how to post them!

Love, love, love this song!

The joy of my salvation

Psalms 51:12, " Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me. "

I love that verse. There truly is joy in salvation. Though I am the type of person that often will not allow myself to relish in the joy of the Lord, so to speak. There have been times in life where I have begun to feel sheer joy, and as soon as that peace sets in, I quickly think of something negative, I search my mind for a problem, just to make sure I don't ever feel 100% peace. Hmmm. Now how does that measure up with the above scripture? Well, it doesn't. I say that I have accepted Christs salvation right? Well if I have accepted salvation, that means I believe in God's word, that God can restore my joy...and God's word does not lie...therefore there MUST be joy in my life. For me to not accept that joy, is for me to deny what Christ did on the cross.

Joy is so much deeper than happiness. Happiness has to do with your happenings; your circumstances. Joy is found in your soul. That is why in James 1:2 it says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you have trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." How can someone have joy in the midst of a trial? You most certainly won't be happy right? Right. You won't be happy. BUT, you can be joyful. Why? Because of the joy of your salvation. Because of the fact that if God be for us, who can be against us? Because at the end of the day, my name is written down in heaven and a place waits for me there. Because this life is only temporary; I'm just passin' through. Because God is merciful and just. Because the Bible tells me that my steps are ordered by the Lord. I don't have to fear tomorrow, because I know the one who holds tomorrow.

In the book of Psalms, King David is asking the Lord to "restore unto him the joy of His salvation." That clearly shows us how easily we can let go of that joy. But God is faithful to restore it, and to help us sustain it.

The joy of the Lord is a peace that goes so deep into your soul, which causes you to say, "everything is gonna be ok."

I am learning that it is not only ok to allow myself to feel true & pure joy, it's something that Jesus died to give us. I don't ever want to take that for granted. The next time you feel yourself refusing joy (if anyone even thinks like me) ask God to restore to you the joy of His salvation. It's there for the taking.

I will never do that!

Prior to having my own child, I would on occasion see a parent doing something and say to myself, "I will never do that when I have a kid!" Hmmm. Let's go down the list, shall we?

* I will never allow my child to wear shoes with a character, let alone shoes with lights on them.
* I will never allow my child to have a pacifier past the age of 1.
* I will never allow my child to consume massive quantities of sugar

And the kicker...

* I will never, ever, under any circumstances, even think of driving a mini-van!

Now, let's see how I've done thus far:

I just bought Joei a pair of shoes that have princess' on them...and they light up. I shudder. My daughter still uses a pacifier and yes folks, she is almost 3. At the mall today, she consumed an Orange Julius on her own...calling it a "protein drink." Yeah, doubt that one had any protein hon. And for the kicker, I did test drive a mini-van the other day. Again, I shudder. But man are they practical. I don't think I can yet cave to the mini-van...talk to me if/when a few more kids pop out of me.

Moral of the story, judge not...because one day, you just may do the very same thing.

What's in a name?

Here is a picture of the 2 most important people here on earth to me! Being that yesterday was Fathers day, it seems an appropriate pic. Joei loves her dad. When he is out traveling for more than a day, she has serious withdrawals. I know she loves her mama, but she really, really digs her dad. I think it's great! He is a wonderful father...I don't tell him that enough. I've never seen a dad melt the way he does over Joei. I can hear it in his voice when he calls, especially if he has been gone awhile, his longing to just hang with her. They have their little routines & rituals they do! I am so glad that Joei has that, a father. She will not have to face the issues I had to face as a kid...then as a teen...and yes, even as an adult. I did not have a good father figure growing up. My father did more harm than he did good in that arena. And while I have long since forgiven my father for all the wrong, I still have been left with a hole that was meant to be filled by a dad.

I have shared before that I am a Christian. I accepted the Lord at the age of 14. The Bible tells us that God is our Father. He loves us in the way a father should love his children, but magnified a gazillion times of course! When we accept Him as Lord of our life, He looks at us through the blood of Jesus, the sacrifice made for us, and He sees us as a sweet & innocent child of His. How awesome is that?! Well, while I "knew" that and yes, I believed it as well, I still could not grasp it. I could not understand how I could call God my father. Because I know what God did for me. I know the "me" that I was before I met Him...and I can only imagine where my life was headed had I not made the choice to serve God. So to me, God has truly been my saving grace. But to call God a father, well, it seemed an insult to Him. How could I reconcile that He was a "father" to me, when the earthly fathers I have known have left me in such a barren place? Well, it was simple really. I just did not open my heart enough to see it. God is the ultimate father. My earthly dad's took the name for granted, they abused the name, mis-used it. Now I am able to say yes Lord, you are my Father. Thank you for filling that hole. Thank you for being my teacher, my confident, my protector...and my friend. So, what's in a name? I guess a whole lot.

This basically sums up Joei's attitude since returning from vacation! She wants what she wants, and she wants it now. Yep, that's my kid.

It's all about perspective...

I guess I say that often, perspective. Hmmm. How you view things, how you handle stress & the issues of life...it's all about perspective right? Well if that is the case, then why am I ever stressed? Why do I allow myself to get frazzled? I just got a true dose of "perspective" and I would like to share it with anyone that will listen!

A friend of ours passed away last week, it was very sudden, he was only 58. I did not know him, however my husband did, and really respected this man. The funeral was to be held over 3 hours away from where we live, which meant that we would have to stay the night. Poor me, I had so many things to do (please note sarcasm) that I did not want to go. Not out of dis-respect, but out of the fact that I have a toddler and see no real point for me to be there, being that she is not going to sit through a funeral. Not too mention it happened to be a super busy week, out of the ordinary. BUT, after I thought long and hard about my selfishness, I went. And I am glad I did.

I had met this man & his wife one time, and they were very sweet. My husband knows the family well, as he has worked with them often. He was a Pastor, a husband, a brother, a dad...and a friend. There were well over 1000 people there to honor this man. My heart was touched immediately as the funeral began, and during some music we were singing to the Lord, the wife lifted her hand heavenward, as if to say "it's you & me Lord, we are gonna get through this." She proceeded to officiate the entire funeral. What a woman. Truly.

We get to the grave site and I just had such an overwhelming sense of sorrow for this woman. I know she has hope that she will see him again, and I know she is trusting in the Lord like never before, but that still does not ease the pain of the "todays." I could not help to be overcome with emotion. As I watched her say goodbye to her husband of 35 years, suddenly I forgot about any "stress" in my own life. Nothing else matters. I still have my husband and daughter. We are healthy. We are blessed. Nothing else matters.

As we drove from the funeral, and since I have been home, all the other "stuff" seems so trivial to me. Yes, I still had the same tasks hanging over my head, the same obligations to adhere to...though all of a sudden, there was no stress attached to them. The usual Jen would be running around in a panic trying to get everything done but nope, not this time. The Lord used that funeral to show me something about myself. As shocking as it may be, it's not all about me! I guess, at the end of the day, it really is all about perspective.

Do you trust me?

Do you remember playing that "trust" game when you were a kid? You know, where one person stands in front of the other...and you are supposed to just fall backwards, trusting that they will catch you before you hit the ground? I remember. I was never very good at it. I did not trust whomever it was enough to catch me! I thought for sure I would smash the ground, bust my skull and that would be the end of life as I knew it! Uh, dramatic much? Well yes. But then again, I've never been one to trust easily. Growing up, people failed me. Yes, failure is human nature, so I guess it is to be expected. However, when it happens at a young age, well, it makes trusting difficult. I can say however, that I don't struggle with it anymore, not like I used to anyway. Trust is faith. You have to have faith in people, faith enough to put yourself out there, and just trust 'em. No I'm not saying to be naive about it, obviously I don't just take every Joe Schmo at his word. However, there are people in my life that God has put there, and it's up to me to step out in faith, and give 'em a chance.

The Bible says to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Ultimately, we can trust the Lord. Even when we don't understand our circumstances, when people fail us, when we have no direction, we can trust in the Lord. He promises to make our paths straight, to work everything out. BUT, we first have to trust. That does not necessarily come easy for everyone. And go figure, but God knew that! That's why His word also says that "He will never leave us nor forsake us."

People will fail us. Friends, family, politicians, neighbors, they will fail. But God remains the same. He does not change. That is what we can trust in.

So I want to encourage you (uh, if anyone actually reads this) to trust in the Lord with all your heart. Don't try to figure it out, or fix everything in your own strength, but lean on the Lord, he will work it all out for your good. If trust has been compromised, as we hear so much about these days, allow God to rebuild your faith in people. He can restore that which has been broken, after all, that's the business He is in!

Instead of allowing fear of people & the fear of them potentially failing us, why don't we just allow ourselves to "fall" back, to just trust that yeah, they might actually catch us.

And we're off!

So I have finally succumed to the world of Blogger. I'm still fairly new to this whole internet thing as it is, so to have a blog, well heck, I guess Myspace is next then huh? I found it challenging to think of a name for this blog. I wanted to do something about the J's in my life...and then I remembered the nickname my Grandpa had for us grandkids; J's away. Anytime we would go anywhere, he would list all our names (as we all start with J's) and then at the end we all were to yell, "J's away!" So that's where the name is from...but of course, you can't use the ' so it just looks like js...but whatever, you get the gyst!

I loved my Grandpa. He was like a dad to me, really & truly. From the earliest of memories, I recall, well, him. All the things he did for me, all the places we went and how much he loved me. I was the first grand-kid so naturally, me and Grandpa, we were pals. He took me to breakfast every Sunday, without fail, until I was about 12 or so. He started doing that real young, and carried on as each grand-kid came of age. We would stay the night with Gram & Gramp on Saturdays and then have breakfast on Sunday. We did not have much in the way of material things as kids...Grandpa made sure we were taken care of though. From school clothes, to vacations, to food, he did it all. It's funny, I always thought he was rich! He was a letter carrier for the USPS, so no, he was not a wealthy man...but you would never have known it. Every vacation he had, he spent it with us. I took that for granted as a kid. Now, being an adult, I understand money & vacation time and how precious it is. But he wanted to be with us. He would take my brother & I "bummin around." Basically that meant that we jumped in the car, and we would drive until we decided to stop. We did that on a few different weekends. Of course, I'm sure Grandpa knew just where he was taking us though! Boy was that fun.

As I got older, I thought I was too cool to be Grandpa's lil girl so I did not go over there every weekend. Then once the "I'm too cool" stage passed, I had friends, school, work, I was busy...and again, did not go over every weekend. I wished I had though. I wish I never stopped that habit. Grandpa did not approve of everything I did. When I decided to go to Bible College, he was not happy about that. He told me it would be a waste of money & that I could never have a career off it, that I could never make a good living. I understand where he was coming from though, he was looking at my life from an earthly perspective. Myself, however, I looked at my life through a different perspective. I knew at a relatively young age, that I wanted to do something for God, that I was not interested in how much money I could make, but rather, what I could do for the Lord. Not that my life is anything grand, by any stretch of the imagination...but whatever I could do, I wanted to do it. Grandpa had not seen it that way. That would soon change.

I will never forget my last conversation with my bumpa (that is what I call him to this day, when I think of him.) It was Christmas Eve, 2000. I had gotten married a few months prior to that. Something wonderful happened at my wedding, involving Grandpa. We had asked our dear friend to share of the love of God in the middle of our ceremony. Our lives had been changed by it and we wanted everyone there to have a chance to hear about it. Our friend asked if anyone would like to dedicate their life to Christ...now I could not see who raised their hands, but a few did. Later, I learned that one of the hands that went up, was the hand of my bumpa. I did not believe it as my Grandpa had been rather harsh towards what I believed for most of my life. He never agreed with anything I said or did, pertaining to serving the Lord. Thank God for video, because I was able to see for myself, his wonderful, aged hand go up.

Anyway, back to Christmas. My husband & I had given him a Bible for Christmas, with his name on it, which I was kinda scared to give him, considering my past experience with him. But since our wedding, I thought I would give it a shot. I never mentioned to him that I saw him raise his hand, I did not want to embarras him, besides, it's a very personal matter. He was very thankful for the Bible, so appreciative. Phew!

That night, he needed to have some prescriptions filled at the local pharmacy so I offered to drive him. During our wait, he asked me some questions in regards to my father. Long story short, my father made my childhood awful, therefore my Grandpa picked up much, if not all, of his slack. At any rate, Grandpa asked me if some things were true, things that he had heard I said happened. I told him that yes, they were. But I also told him that I have forgiven my father for everything, that I hold nothing against him. My grandpa looked at me, stunned. I will never forget what he said next...he looked at me, with as shocked a look as anyone could have and said, "wow, then you really are like that man in that book you just gave me."

Talk about trying to hold back tears! I get watery just thinking of it now! When he said that, not 0nly did I realize that he fully understood what raising his hand meant at my wedding...but I realized the power of forgiveness. You see, I forgave my dad years ago. It took a long time and was a huge struggle, but I did it. I had to forgive, just so that I could live a healthy life. I guess I just never realized how much it can affect other people. My Grandpa was so impressed with forgiveness. I don't say that to toot my own horn, heck no. I say that to show what power there is when you release a person from your bitterness. When you take them out of the cage of your heart, and let them go, it not only free's you up, but it is a witness to other people of what forgiveness can do.

Well that conversation was so special to me, so very special...and it is & will be forever stamped on my heart. That was the last time I saw my bumpa. He died the following month. His funeral was on my birthday and my Grandma asked me to give the Eulogy. That was difficult, to say the least. But by God's grace, I did it. I reckon I was able to do it because I had the peace of knowing where he was, and who he was with. I did not have to wonder about what happened to him after he left this earth, just taking a little cat nap in his recliner. I don't have to wonder if he sat in purgatory or if he just hovered around above his body. No. I know that his last breath here was his first breath in heaven. I'm so thankful to God for his grace, for his mercy. That even at the tail end of a life, a life hardened to God, mercy was still available.

So to Grandpa I say... " J's Away!"