The four lettered word.

1 Corinthians 13 is known as "the love chapter," and rightfully so. It's often read at weddings for that very reason, love, and again, rightfully so. But have you ever just sat and read the chapter for yourself? I must admit, I've read it numerous times but rarely applied it to area's of my own life. Take a moment to read verses 1-7 with me:

"If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

I'm reading a book by Caroline Barnett right now, "Willing to Walk on Water," and in the book she challenges readers to read that passage and apply it to themselves in a few different ways. First off, to apply it to the way we love our kids. Second, to the way we love our spouse and thirdly, to the way that Jesus loves us.

It's interesting to ponder that passage in those ways. Regarding my family, am I always patient and kind? Am I irritable? Um. Yes, too often. Do I lose faith sometimes, do I give up, do I endure in every circumstance? Now, of course nobody is perfect on this planet when it comes to applying love in the correct manner with those we hold dear, but it sure is challenging to apply this verse that way.

Now how about God? Is He always patient and kind with me? Yes. Is He irritable? No. Although He probably gets very close to irritation with me sometimes! Does He ever give up on me? Nope. Does He endure with me through every circumstance? Yep. When you apply the verse in that context, boy, it's overwhelming really. He endures with me. No matter how annoying I am. No matter how many wrong choices I make. No matter how many times I don't look at people with this kind of love. No matter, no matter, no matter, He endures.

You would think it would be simple to simply love, wouldn't you? And often times, I just assume I've got this love thing down. I love people. I love my family, I love my friends, I love our church, I love our city. I'd consider myself generally a loving person. But as I read the first portion of this text, I see that nothing I do would matter, if not done with love. If I had un-limited access to knowledge, it would not matter if I didn't love. If I could know God's secret plans, it would not matter if I didn't love. Man! And this one hits me, "if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn't love others, I would be nothing."

We strive so much in our Christian walk to live by faith. We value our faith. If we don't have faith in this life, we will go from struggle to struggle. We need faith. Oh we desperately need faith. Faith carries us through every adversity. Faith drives us through our disappointment. Faith gives us a backbone in an otherwise spineless world. And yet, even if I am the most faith filled person, if I don't have something as seemingly simple as love, I'm nothing.

In fact, chapter 13 ends with this: "Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love."

Greater than faith, love? Greater than hope, love? Wow. I need faith. Oh man do I need hope. But more than that, I need love. We need it. We need love and we need to BE loved. It's the essence of all we believe. Love.

Love seems simple, right? I can love a person through some crazy stuff, and I'm sure you could too. But love is so much more than that, it's a power that can't be taken for granted. Love holds more power than faith. Love holds more power than hope.

Love sent Jesus to the Cross. It has to be a powerful force. If it was faith that sent Jesus there, He could have easily detached His emotions from the situation. If it was Hope, as great as hope is, He could have still blocked out what was happening to Him on Golgotha. But it was not faith, and it was not hope - it was love.

As He hung on that wooden cross, overcome with physical pain, overwhelmed by the sin and the sickness of you and of me, there had to be something that kept Him going, something that He could feel. We don't feel faith. We don't even necessarily feel hope. But we do feel love. Oh how we feel love.

Those wonderful feelings of love that overtake you as you stand before your mate on your wedding day! Oh goodness, there is so much love in that moment you feel like you might burst! There is nothing like it. Or the time you look into your child's eyes and are overwhelmed with the gift God has given you. It's a special kind of love. Or a love you feel for a friend that goes deep in your soul as God has knit you together as He does family. Love is a precious, precious thing. It's an overwhelming feeling.

You feel it. Sometimes we love so hard that it hurts, I'm sure you've heard that saying. There are times you have to love a person through something so difficult that you literally feel pain over the situation. An offense that was done to you, or an action taken by a loved one that ultimately caused you pain. Or the loss of someone you so greatly loved, oh the pain of love that goes to the core of your being...

Love is a feeling.

And so now I understand the last verse of chapter 13. I understand why the greatest of Faith, Hope and Love is indeed, love. I get it. I totally get it. Because if Jesus could not feel His love for me, He would not have stayed on the cross. But He felt it. He felt His love for me that day. Too the very core of His being, He felt it. He saw down the road and loved me as a little girl with hair so light it looked white. He saw my hazel eyes wrought with tears over the destruction that took place in my home. He saw my tiny heart covered in shame as a 5 year old little girl. He felt it. He felt my pain. He felt my shame. And He felt the love. He loved me as He watched me grow, and make mistakes, and walk through difficulty...and then I can only imagine the joy He felt the day I prayed to Him as a 14 year old teenager and asked Him to fill me with the love that He has carried for me since that day on the Cross! Oh the LOVE!!

So my challenge to myself today is this, love. Simply that, love. And even when it's not so simple, love. It really is the greatest thing.

Is that just a nice word for lazy?

Fall is one of my favorite seasons! I love the changing colors of the leaves; I even find a lawn covered in leaves to be beautiful, while most see it as impending work. I'm staring out my window now, at a lawn covered in bright fall colors and it's glorious! A mess to be cleaned, but glorious nonetheless.

What lies under all those leaves? Grass. Grass that's gone dormant now for the next few months; grass that won't need much water or fertilizer as it's not the season for it to really grow. The leaves gracefully cover the unchanging grass. It looks pretty right now, but if a storm comes, the leaves will soak into the grass and you'll have a heaping pile of mud & leaves and mush, and the grass will be worse for the wear once it's cleaned up.

What's all this grass talk? Perhaps I need more coffee.

The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 3, "to every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." If everything on earth has to operate according to the seasons and times, than you have to know that it's the same with you & with me. Each of us walk through different seasons throughout our lives and if we're not careful, we can miss the blessing of God on the season. Like the grass that I'm staring at this morning, covered in beauty, we can simply remain dormant.

Dormant defined is: "not doing anything at this time; not active but able to become active." Wow.

It's easy to remain dormant, isn't it? To lie dormant is to never seek to better our current lives, never taking any risks, never increasing our knowledge, never stepping out in faith and never reaching our full potential for the season we are in. Sure, God tells us to "be still and know that I am God." Sometimes God indeed will tell us to remain still, DON'T DO ANYTHING. And when God says that, heed it! It's for a reason. But other times, God just wants a stillness in our souls, not necessarily in our physical actions. Remember the definition, "not active, but able to become active."

We are always able to become active, but do we? There is always something we can do that will not only enhance the quality of our lives, but will enhance the lives of those around you as well.

The scripture says, there is a season for everything. I can grasp that, for sure. Seasons change in our lives, got it. But if you go on it reads, "and a time to every purpose under Heaven." And a time to every purpose under Heaven. Hmm. A time to every purpose. The Bible says in Proverbs that the "steps of the righteous are ordered of the Lord." I love that verse. It goes well with Ecclesiastes 3. God has a purpose for me, under Heaven. He has something that only I can do, a gift that only I can share. He created me special and unique and for a purpose. So if the Bible says there is a time for every purpose, then I better stay close to Jesus, or I might miss the timing. I can easily be like the grass outside my door, that is not changing and has no hope of change for the next few months. Further more, should a storm come, the beauty that lies above the dormancy can actually make for worse conditions. The beauty of the season.

What's the beauty of the season you are in today? No matter your season, there is beauty in it. Somewhere. You may not see it right now, but Romans 8:28 assures us that it has to beautiful, some day. You'll see it.

It's a beautiful season. Don't rush it. Don't get ahead of the Lord, even if you know the "purpose" He has for you. There is a time for that purpose, and He will make each step known, as you stay close to Him. And as you wait for the next step, don't lie dormant. There's always something to do for the Lord. There is always someone that needs your kindness. There is always someone that needs your true and genuine attention. And there is always something that we can do to enhance our current selves. My desire is always to be the best version of myself. Am I always? Um, no. But I'm trying. Daily. Hourly. Sometimes by the minute. I don't want to hang out with the dormant grass. I'd rather stay on top with the beauty of the season.

And then God spoke.

"I love you." That's what God said to me tonight. And as soon as He whispered it to my soul, a flood of His overwhelming love consumed every part of me. It was an awesome feeling.

Allow me to explain. Tonight at church, Joey asked us all to do something that was a little different. He encouraged everyone there to have a time of silence, no talking out, no music, just silence. He asked that the Holy Spirit would speak something to each individual heart. Let me tell you, it was powerful. The presence of the Lord was so strong. A Holy hush fell in the room. I heard nothing, not a peep. Until He spoke. God spoke. To me. Little old wretched me.

The Lord speaks to everyone in different ways. Some say they hear God clear as a bell. While others say they have an impression or a feeling come over them. While many share a different experience entirely. God's creative that way; He knows how best to communicate to His kids. But with me, it's always a gentle thought that pops in my Spirit; and it's always a thought that I know I could not have conjured up on my own.

That being said, I know God loves me. In fact, just today I was studying His everlasting love in the book of Jeremiah. I know He loves me. So yes, I suppose I could conjur up something like that on my own, that God loves me. But it wasn't me conjuring anything up at all tonight. I wasn't trying to make God say something to me. I simply heeded what Joey said and waited in silence before the Lord.

"I love you." It brings tears to my eyes even now. I know He loves me. I know that He has loved me from the moment He thought of me. I know that He has loved me through the darkest of valleys. I know that He has loved me through the highest of mountains. I know that He has loved me through every negative thing I've said. I know that He has loved me through every disobedient act. I know that He has loved me through every good work. I know that He has loved me just for me. But tonight, I felt it.

You see, the Christian life is a faith-filled life. We walk by faith. And much of the time, that's literally what we go by, our faith. We can't live by our feelings. We can't be moved by what we feel, or what we see, or what we hear. We have to be moved by our faith. And so I march through life knowing that God loves me, by faith. It takes great faith for me to believe that because I know my short comings. I know ME. And so because I know ME, it takes faith to believe that God "loves me with an everlasting love." I accept His love, by faith.

But tonight, I got to feel His love. It was overwhelming. And warm. And un-stoppable. What a great night it was! We stayed in that wonderful presence for a little while...you could hear emotions begin to rise in people as sniffles were heard. I wonder what God was speaking to them? There was a lot of people there tonight and yet God had something specific to say to each person in attendance. That's the creative God we serve.

So tonight, I share this quick thought with anyone that would read it - He loves you. No really - He really, really, really does. It's not cliche. It's not something we say to say it. He loves you. And He loves me. Because He told me so.

Tell it girl!

Do you ever talk to yourself? I do. A lot. Probably more than one should. But the good thing about talking to yourself, is that yourself will not tell yourself to stop talking. Yourself will not roll your eyes at yourself. Yourself will not cop attitude with yourself. Yourself will not give yourself an unwanted opinion. Yourself makes sense to yourself therefore you don't have to explain yourself. This all works great until people in Walmart wonder why you are talking to yourself and before you know it, you've made the "People of Walmart" website. I am almost positive you'd find me there. And if you don't, add me. It's about time.

Did you know it's actually Biblical to talk to yourself? Yes, yes it is. King David should also be on the "People of Walmart" website as he talked to himself a lot. Maybe even more than I do.

Psalm 103:1 says, "Bless the Lord oh my soul, and all that is within me, bless His Holy Name!"

King David is talking to himself here. He is telling his soul what to do. We need to do the same thing. We need to speak to ourself, and often times, we need to put our own selves in check.

This scripture shows us exactly what to do! Regardless of whatever I am facing, no matter the level of difficulty, I WILL BLESS THE LORD! I will command my soul to bless the Lord. Everything that is in me, everything that I can possibly have control over, which is my soul, IT WILL BLESS THE LORD. Regardless. Your soul is the one thing you can order around. Nobody can control your soul but you.

Nobody can control your soul but you.

Allow that to sink in. I'll give you a moment...I could use a snack anyhow.

Tell your soul what to do! King David did. I will bless the Lord, OH MY SOUL. He is saying, "Did you get that soul? You are going to bless God today. Sure there are people coming against me from every side. Sure I have made tremendous mistakes. Sure my family is nuts! Sure I have valid justification to be downcast today but hear it loud and clear oh soul of mine, YOU WILL BLESS THE LORD!"

We have got to talk to ourselves all through the day. We gotsta tell our soul what to do. Tell it girl! Did you wake up grumpy? Tell it! Is your marriage in turmoil? Tell it! Do you have promise from God that has not come to pass yet and your soul is falling prey to discouragement? Tell it! Are your finances in reversal, seemingly getting worse? Tell it! Do you have family drama that's cray cray enough to be it's own reality show? Tell it! Tell it! Tell it!

I will bless the Lord OH MY SOUL. No matter what. Period. End of discussion.

I love what follows: "Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits: 3 Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, 4 Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, 5 Who satisfies your mouth with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s."

King David goes on to remind his soul of the goodness of God. So not only does he command his own self to get his attitude in check, but he goes on to remind his own self of all the things God ALREADY has done. And if God ALREADY has done tremendous stuff, surely God can get us out of the situation that threatens to take us out right?

So today, no matter what you are facing, and I don't for a second dis-credit the hardship many are facing today...but for today, for this moment, you have control over your soul. You have control over what you tell your soul to do. So in the cray cray's of life, (my 9 year old says that word so I feel the need to as well) in the craziness of this vapor we have here on Earth, tell it girl. Tell your soul what to do. You will bless the Lord at all times, His praise shall continually be in your mouth! TELL IT!

*Disclaimer* I don't know if there actually is a "People of Walmart" site, though I've heard there is. I don't condone making fun of people that go to Walmart because, well, I go there weekly. If you roll the security tape, you'll see me in anything from dress slacks to pajama's, probably eating something of which I intend to pay for but may perish with hunger if not eaten at that exact moment...and perhaps dancing and/or singing. *End of disclaimer*

Camp Condemnation

Awhile back I bought some trail mix that looked so good! I got in the car, hungry as can be, or probably not hungry at all but I just like to eat. So I opened up the bag and threw a handful in my mouth. And then I about gagged. The trail mix was chock full of Wasabi Peas. Now, you may like Wasabi peas, and if you do I shall pray deliverance over you. Those things are super gross! I can't even describe the taste. Just not good.

However, they quickly were put to use. The Wasabi peas became the consequence for our kids using a word that's not kind or a word that's not allowed or a word that contains potty humor. I have girls. You'd think potty humor would not humor them but oh my how it does...

We have only had to have the kids eat a Wasabi Pea a few times as it really does the trick in keeping their words clean! They've told me I needed Wasabi a time or two...but somehow I seem to bypass my consequence. I'm cool like that.

The other day, one of my girls was walking out of the bathroom with the grossest look on her face. I asked her what was wrong to which she replied, "I said a bad word so I ate a piece of Wasabi."

I didn't hear her say the word; I would have been none the wiser that she even said anything. But in her heart she knew it was wrong and so she gave herself a consequence for it. Bless her little heart!

I was reading today in 1 John 3 and the scripture just hit me upside the head, as powerful as the taste of a Wasabi Pea in fact. John 3:21 says, "Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God. 22 And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight."

The NLT says it like this, "Dear friends, if we don’t feel guilty, we can come to God with bold confidence. 22 And we will receive from him whatever we ask because we obey him and do the things that please him."

My daughter felt guilty for the word that she used. In response, she gave herself the consequence that is due the action. And then it's done. That's how we try to operate in our home, once the consequence is given, that's the end of it. We try not to re-hash the issue or bring it up repeatedly, the lesson has been learned. Time to move on.

The same with the Lord. When we ask forgiveness, for whatever it is, however big it is, He forgives. There may be some consequences that are due the action, depending on the nature of the issue, but forgiveness is still there. Sometimes we make decisions that leave us with life-long consequences. That does not mean forgiveness is still not present. Forgiveness can be present in the midst of a consequence. Absolutely.

But based on this scripture, the real issue is condemnation. If our hearts condemn us over every sin we have committed, then, according to this scripture, we will not approach God with confidence. Therefore our prayers are going up to God without any weight behind them, there is no power in them if they are not going up to God in faith. And if we are always living in a constant state of guilt, then we are living a powerless and defeated life. And often times we don't even realize it.

Having grown up with such a tremendous root of shame in my life, condemnation comes very easy for me. I can camp in condemnation for a long time before I snap out of it. And sometimes I don't even realize that I'm camped there, because it's easy for it to become a normal way of life. Think about it, it's easy for us to go through our day to day unaware that we are allowing our "heart to condemn" us. Perhaps you have a nagging feeling in the back of your mind, always thinking that surely something is wrong. Maybe you allow your thoughts to dwell in a place they ought not dwell, steeped in negativity. Or you rehearse the past like it's happening in the present. And it's subtle. Because it's simply become part of who you are. Before you know it, you are living camped in condemnation, and you don't even know it.

Friends, when we camp in that place, we have no faith. And life without faith is, well, not life at all. Faith is the essence of everything we do as a believer. Faith is what takes us through the Prison, like Joseph. And Faith is what takes us to the Palace. The Bible tells us that without faith it is impossible to please God. So that tells me that if I allow my heart to constantly condemn me, I'm not pleasing to God. Imagine that! The World tells us the complete opposite. Be punished repeatedly for your actions. Over and over. Rehash it, rehearse it, relive it. But God says, "I forgive you the moment you ask me to! Now let's move on together because THAT is what is pleasing. My child living a joy-filled and free life, that's what is pleasing."

God is pleased when we leave Camp Condemnation. Nothing good comes from staying there. We get dirty. We get stinky. No amount of showering in the wilderness gets all the dirt out. It's not until you leave camp and get home and take a proper shower that you truly get clean.

So today, let's leave that filthy camp. It was never built for us anyway. Let's let go of the things we've done in the past, they don't determine our future. Let's do our best to please God with our lives. Let's do our best to live righteous. And when we don't, let's be quick to repent and leave Camp Condemnation. Let's be people that never let our faith be jeopardized. We need our faith; it's our access to the Almighty God. Faith packs a powerful punch. And for the record, so do Wasabi Peas.

That precious thing called the Church

2 Corinthians 13:5 starts off with simply this, "Examine yourselves as to wether you are in the faith. Test yourselves."

I love the Church. And I don't just mean our church, though I'm quite biased and think we have a pretty awesome church! But I love the Body of Christ as a whole. I love how different churches have different focal points. They have different passions that drive them; goals and visions that God has given to that particular church. I love that not all churches are the same. How boring would that be? I love the differences that make up the Body of Christ. There are so many wonderfully amazing, Bible believing Churches amongst the Body of Christ.

That being said, can I tell you my pet peeve? Or at least one of them...I'll save my list of annoyances for a later date as surely you all will tune me right out. But gum popping ranks pretty high on said list. And the sound of clipping nails. Lily likes to list my pet peeves. Sheesh, what a great example I'm setting.

My #1 pet peeve in all the world is this: Church bashing. Drives me up an ever lovin' wall. When good hearted, well meaning people, come against the church and all that the American Church is not doing, it seriously hurts my heart. Again, perhaps I'm biased, because I'm blessed to belong to a church that full well knows we are not doing everything, but by golly we are doing something. And so are many, many, mannnnnnnnny churches in this great nation of America. I absolutely love to see what other churches are doing for the Lord! I have a few different churches I like to watch on TV; I follow many churches on facebook & I watch different churches online. Why? Because there is so much to learn from the great body of Christ! God gave us all different gifts. And I love to see those gifts in action.

Forgive me if that sounded harsh, my main pet peeve. I guess I just love the church so much on a personal level, that when I hear any negativity towards God's great body, it crushes my heart. I love the church because I would not be here in this great life I live, if not for the church. It was because of a church youth group that I accepted Christ, as a pain filled teenager. It was because of the church that I learned life skills that some take for granted, as I did not learn them in the home as a kid. It was because of the church that I grew in my relationship with the Lord. And it's now because of the church, that I get to do something for the Lord that I never in a million years thought I would be fit to do. And quite honestly, I'm not!

That all being said, I fully realize the church is not perfect. Every church has it's issues, of course. It's made of people. But what an awesome institution that God ordained for His people, the local church. He set up a pattern for us to follow. Hebrews tells us: "And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, 25 not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching."

We have the privilege to come together to "stir up love and good works." Isn't that what the body of Christ is about? That we should come together, regardless of our doctrinal and theological differences, and "stir up love?" Oh my goodness that's powerful. Stir up love.

My favorite preacher, aka my husband, spoke Sunday on the topic of Offense. It's been popping up in random things I've been reading this week, all the way down to my morning devotional today. Clearly the Lord is talking to me! Offense comes to everyone. And yes, it comes to the church. Which is such a bummer. But it does.

Smith Wigglesworth says this: "There are thousands and thousands of different churches, but they are all one in the Spirit to the extent they receive the life of Christ. If there is any division, it is always outside of the Spirit. The Spiritual life in the believer never has known dissension, because where the Spirit has perfect liberty, there is total agreement, and there is no schism in the body."

If we simply would live every day according to the freedom that that Christ died to give us, there would be no room for an offense to settle. Because as soon as something offends us, we would have our Spiritual eyes on, and we would recognize it for what it is: the bait of Satan. If we have on the right eyes, in that moment, we will not choose to accept the bait, but rather, we will "stir up love." The moment we allow the offense to settle in our hearts, is the moment we take the bait. And when we take the bait, as my handsome bald man says, we become an agent of Satan. As we allow offense to build in us, we begin to operate out of a very scary place. We begin to say things that we normally would not say - we make choices that we otherwise would not make - we leave churches and relationships - we give up on dreams and begin to lose our passion for the thing we once held so dear. Because we took the bait.

2 Corinthians 6:3 says, "give no offense in anything, that our ministry may not blamed." We all have a ministry. You don't have to be a Pastor of a church, an evangelist or a head of a ministry to take this verse to heart. Anyone that confesses Jesus as Lord has a ministry! Your life becomes ministry the moment you accept Christ. We have a bigger picture.

Again from today's devotional: "God wants to show us that we must so live in the Spirit that the ministry is not blamed. If your ministry is not to be blamed, how can you help to prevent it from being blamed? You have to live in love. See to it that you never say or do anything that would interfere with the work of the Lord; rather, live in the place where you are helping everybody, and causing everybody to come into perfect harmony. Remember, there is always a blessing where there is harmony. 'One accord' is the keynote of the victory that is going to come to us all the time."

There it is again, "Stir up love."

Today, I'm choosing love. Tomorrow, I'm choosing love. And when offense comes, as it will, I'm going to "stir up love." I'll even love those that have created my biggest pet peeve, coming against the sweet and precious church of my Lord. Why? Because I refuse to be an agent of Satan. No bait for me today. I'm full :)

How about you?

Oh ya, that book...

I've mentioned before that I'm working on a book; a few of you have been so kind as to ask me about it's progress! The operative word here being "working." It's taking quite some time to actually be able say that I'm "working" on it at all. My hopes are that in the fall, when our regular routine starts up (actually I can't say it's a regular routine as it will be a new routine!) I plan to devote much more time to it. At any rate, I thought I'd share a chapter of it that I have done with you. It's totally a rough draft, so forgive my errors and if it flat does not make sense! But I would love your feedback. Thank you!

Chapter Three: I am enough

Madison Avenue was a very busy street; it was years ago when I lived there and it still is to this day. The street was lined with huge bushes, to provide a barrier to the noise, albeit unsuccessfully. I remember the flower they produced so vividly, as I walked Madison Avenue often.

One particular day my mom sent me to the gas station to pick up a loaf of bread. I was probably about 7 years old at the time, and the walk was pretty far for my little legs to take me, at least half a mile if not more. I did not mind the walk; it gave me something to do. And although I had to cross a busy intersection, again, no matter to me. The downside to this journey was that as you will recall, we were on State assistance for food therefore I went without cash, but with food stamps. I don’t know how my little mind knew that it was embarrassing to have to use food stamps. I don’t ever recall being teased about it or anyone even knowing for that matter, but for some reason, I just knew that it was not how the majority of my friends’ families functioned.

Perhaps it was because when I was able to sleep over at a friend’s house, I always was thrilled when it came time to eat! We always got to have something for dinner that was different than the beans and rice, or top ramen that I’d grown accustomed to. And when I slept over on a school night, look out world, Jen was taking a sack lunch to school! Complete with a Kudos bar! It was hog heaven for me.

Now don’t get me wrong, we never went without food. Sure we had food stamps, and yes I recall getting food from a church, but we never were without. And the reason for that is because my grandparents were always there. My dad’s parents, they took care of us in lieu of their son’s responsibility. At the start of every school year, they bought us clothes, and often, groceries. Very early on in life, we started spending weekends with them. I cherished those times. We went to pizza every Saturday night and breakfast every Sunday morning. Funny how I recall every food related detail. No, I don’t have food issues or anything! My Grandparents were an integral part of my childhood.

Back to my walk to the Gas station. I eventually made my way there, grabbed the loaf of bread and placed it on the counter. I gave the man my food stamps, more than enough to cover the cost. No big deal right? Well, you would think I’d committed treason the way the clerk treated me. He would not let me have the bread. He said my mother needed to be with me if I was going to use the food stamps. And so I left. Without my bread. And without any ounce of dignity I had left inside my 7 year old little heart.

It wasn’t the lack of bread that hurt me, even though I knew it was an inconvenience to go home empty handed to my mom who had enough on her extremely full yet somehow empty plate. It was the shame that filled me in that moment. I already was embarrassed to be on state assistance. I already was embarrassed to have to pull the food stamps out of my pocket and place it on the counter for someone to see it and know of my plight. I guess in my mind, seeing that food stamp told my story. In my mind, if someone saw that food stamp, well then surely they knew all the dark secrets that our little duplex on Madison Avenue held. Surely they knew of the addiction that resided there, surely they knew of the abuse that took place. In my mind, that food stamp represented all that I was. The shame, and the embarrassment that was me. And it was not enough. That’s what I left the gas station with that day, the reminder that I’m not enough.

What would it have taken that man to just to give me the loaf of bread, to spare me the humiliation? I wish the adult version of me could have came up behind me that day and done what I would do if I saw that situation play out now. If I saw a child attempting to purchase a measly loaf of bread I would happily buy that sweet kid the bread. And then some candy. And then maybe a toy! Anything to reverse the shame that was clearly overwhelming that child.

But the adult version of me did not come to my aid that day. Nor did anyone else for that matter. And so it became just another time where the reality of my world was evident; that I was not enough.

I wasn’t enough to cause my father to stop drinking. I wasn’t enough to keep my parents together, striving for a better life for my siblings and myself. I wasn’t enough. That was my reality then. But it’s not my reality now!

I am enough! I may have been “a statistic waiting to happen” as someone once labeled me but I can say now, with my head held high, that I AM ENOUGH! God thinks I’m pretty special. He says in His Word that “greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world.” So clearly He thinks I’m enough if He is willing to reside inside me. If God is willing to live in this heart of mine, this heart that has been broken more times than I care to count, this heart that has been stepped on by people, trampled on and rejected, if the Almighty Creator of this world still chooses to dwell in my heart then wow, I guess I am enough. And so are you.

No matter what life has labeled you, no matter what hand you have been dealt in this life, you are enough. You are enough! You have what it takes to make it. You can be anything you want to be. You can do anything you want to do. Greater is He that lives inside of you. God does not dwell in worthless habitats. It’s not in His character to do so. He is far to genius for that. He is much to royal to lower His standards to abide in a place of not enough.

Jesus says in John 15:4, “Abide in me and I in you.” Wait a minute, what? Abide in me and I in you? The same God that so delicately created the flower abides in me? The same God that so powerfully created the rushing wind and the mighty waves, He abides in me? Yes. Yes He does. The same God that created the strong and powerful Volcano to erupt is the same God that so tenderly hand crafted you in the womb.

The clerk at the gas station that day had no idea what he did when he turned away a little tow headed 7-year-old girl. But that’s ok. Because every time I buy a loaf of bread now, I’m going to take a moment to thank God, not only for the means to buy the bread, but to thank Him for the sweet reminder that He gives me, that I’m enough. Perhaps you will do the same.

I've always known that!

We've all heard the saying, "God is good, all the time, and all the time, God is good," right? Sometimes my sister & I even say it in jest, just because it's such a phrase that's been used more times than my hairspray. And that's a lot.

Yesterday I was overwhelmed with an un-expected blessing and it brought me yet again to tears. I say, "yet again" because I'm often brought to tears! But it's cool, I've accepted that I'm emotional and it is what it is. I don't cry over just anything though, unless you count the ridiculous spectacle I put on when we found the bunnies a new home after a mere two months of having them...but that's another post for a different day. A boring day.

I cry over things that move me. Or over things that sadden me. Or over things that overwhelm me to the point of no words. Or over things that remind me of God's goodness indeed being all the time.

So yesterday. I was blessed. And as I was thinking about God's goodness I found myself saying it aloud to Lily. "Lily, God is so good to us." Lily responded to me in typical five year old fashion something to the effect of, "Of course He is mom. I've always known that. Ever since I was a baby!"

She has always known that. She has always known that. Lily can honestly coin the phrase, "God is good all the time," and mean it with every fiber of her cute little five year old being. If only we could keep that same assurance, the same faith that causes us to say, "I've always known that."

Lily has not yet had to go through any difficulty; she has not endured any storms in life that have caused her to wonder if God is ever going to calm the winds and the waves around her. She has not yet found herself in a hopeless situation that, barring a miracle of divine intervention, would remain hopeless. Lily has not yet waged war in this battle that we like to simply call "life." So of course she says, 'yes mom, of course God is good. Of course.'

But wait. While Lily may have just turned five years old, she still has faced things in life that by her standards are difficult. She still has daily fights with her sister, whom she looks up to and adores. She still has to be left at Pre-K, alone, unsure of what the day will hold for her. She goes through best friend drama again, like I go through hairspray. She has a fashion crisis on an hourly basis. Every.single.day.and.night. I mean, c'mon, it's a hard life!

But it's perspective. Those things are difficult for Lily, to which she has previously replied, "this is the worst day ever!" While the magnitude of the difficulty between her life and our lives obviously may differ, the root frustration is still there.

Psalm 52:1 says, "the goodness of God endures continually." There's our catch phrase. But really, meditate on that for a minute. His goodness endures continually. The word "continually" is defined as: "continuing indefinitely in time without interruption." So never, ever, ever, EVER can God's goodness towards us have an interruption. And forgive me for anyone that now has Taylor Swifts song stuck in their head. She's never getting back together. Ever. We get it.

That means that God's goodness continues through every season and every stage of life we face. All the way from little Lily upset that she does not have the same high heels as Samantha does to looking my estranged father in the face and sharing forgiveness with him as he lay dying.

In the dark times. In the confusing times. In the painful times. In the dry times. In the lonely times. God's goodness continues. In the joyful times. In the abundant times. In the exciting times. God's goodness continues.

We can't know this side of Heaven what God is protecting us from. Often times, as we walk through difficulty, it's easy to think that God's goodness has obviously paused for a season. But what if, just what if, that difficulty actually is protecting you from something far worse? What if. Just what if.

So today, I'm choosing to have the attitude that Lily had yesterday, because trust me friends, her attitude changes on a daily, ahem, hourly basis. As does mine. But today, I'm saying the over-used phrase with as much gusto as I can muster up! Yep, God is good, all the time friends. Of course He is. I've always known that.

Size 4 by morning, right?

Have you ever wanted something so badly, but didn't want to do the work necessary to obtain it? That great marriage, the close friendship, your dream job, the education, or of course, the perfect figure...

We can all think of things we would immediately ask for if given three magic wishes, can't we? I can't tell you how many times I've wished God would have made me the person that can eat whatever they want, not exercise a lick, and have the exact figure they want. I suppose you can guess what one of my wishes would be for then, can't ya! It's taken me years and years to grasp the whole "looks don't determine internal health" business.

Ephesians 3:20 is a great verse. It says, "Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us..."

We love to use that verse often when we pray, don't we? God, we know you can do exceedingly and abundantly above all that we can ask or think! And then we list what we need God to supersede for us. Sometimes though, I think we ignore the next part of that verse, "according to the power that works in us."

That kind of puts the ball back in our court a little. Yes, God can go way above our expectations, He has done it in my life on numerous occasions. I have a husband I would not even ask God for because I felt to un-deserving. I have two beautiful girls that call me mom, something I was not sure I'd ever have. I get to be part of a church in a role I never would have thought myself fit to fill. I live in a home I would have never imagined being a reality for me. I drive a car that exceeds my wishes. My list can go on and on...God has definitely done exceedingly and abundantly above all that I could ask or think.

So yes, God can do that. And God DOES do that. But what about that next part? That "power working in us" business. That puts a portion of the potential for abundance back in my corner. You see, we can have as much or as little of God's power as we are willing to receive. I don't know for sure, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the way we live our life on a daily basis determines the fullness to which we receive. If we live our lives on the lowest level of power possible, then I don't imagine we can expect much room for abundance. But if we live our lives to the highest power level possible, that takes the limits off God, making room for Him to throw down the "exceedingly and abundantly."

So how do we live our life "according to the power that works in us?" I believe it's a life surrendered to God. It's a life that says, "come what may, I won't stop praising God." It's a thankful life. It's a serving life. It's a life that fully believes God's word; that His promises are "yes & amen." It's a life that strives to live in obedience to the Word of God, not caving to the ways of the world. It's a life that does not want to walk the fence line of the world & God but a life that is so clearly with Jesus that others can't help but want to know that life. It's a life that see's a need and fills it. It's a life that knows that the same power that raised Christ from the dead is the same power that works through that life! It's a life of faith.

A miracle has two parts; our part & God's part. Are there times when God just flat performs a miracle? Sure. Does God just like to blow our socks off on occasions and do stuff that we never imagined could happen to little old us? Of course! And then there are times when we have to just trust...and walk...and trust...and pray...and trust...and war...and trust...and seek...and trust...and do...and trust.

Power, power, wonder working power, in the blood of the lamb. That wonder working power resides in all those that believe on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. What we do with that power makes all the difference. Will it make me a size 4 by morning? Nope. Not unless I use the ability God has given me, doing my part in the miracle. But I do believe that as I do my part, allowing God to teach me what He needs to teach me in that area, craving God more than food, using the power that works in me, ya, someday that wish will come true. And it will be more than I could ask or imagine. And for anyone that's ever battled weight on the level that I have, you can understand what a miracle that would be.

So for today, I'm choosing to walk in power. I'm choosing to look at every obstacle through eyes of faith. I'm choosing trust over worry. I'm choosing faith over fear. I'm choosing power over weakness. And as I do that, I'll soon see more of the "exceedingly and abundantly." Cuz that's how He rolls.

Heels are perty. And mean.

My feet hurt. I have yet to find a heeled shoe that meets both the need to be stylish and the need to be comfortable. I thought I was onto something with the most recent pair I bought; very cute, and comfortable...for like 30 minutes. Then the realization that I was squeezing my wide, sausage toed feet into something not meant for said wide, sausage toed feet, well, what can ya do. I suppose my next step is wrapping my feet in Saran Wrap in hopes of shrinking said wide, sausage toed feed.

Or I could pass on vanity and wear shoes that actually are comfortable but where's the fun in that? I enjoy wearing heels. Ok, I don't enjoy wearing heels. I enjoy the look of heels.

The moment I walk in the door and kick off my heels (aside from doing so in church, that's classy right?) is the best feeling ever! My sausages, er, my toes, just shout a big "Thank You" to me as they settle into the soft carpet. They continue to holler at me periodically for the remainder of the day. They yell things like, "hey crazy lady, thanks a lot for squishing us you big meanie. Next time we're gonna trip you."

Heels. They can be so moody.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end."

So this scripture is really cool. He has made everything beautiful in it's time. That tells me that not everything starts out beautiful. That trial that you may be going through is not beautiful. Yet. That negative diagnosis is not beautiful. Yet. The marriage that's in turmoil is not beautiful. Yet. The financial crises that keeps you awake at night is not beautiful. Yet.

"That's common sense," you say. "Duh Jen", you say. "We're gonna trip you," you say. Oh wait, that's the heels.

Of course, OF COURSE those things are not beautiful. OF COURSE, trials are absolutely awful. But I have to believe that God created the word "Beautiful." And I have to believe it does not look like we think it looks like. I have to believe that "beautiful" does not simply refer to an attractive person, or a lovely flower, or a wonderfully composed song. I have to believe that God see's beauty in a far greater arena. Because He has made EVERYTHING beautiful in it's time. EVERYTHING. Everything. So yes, that traumatic event you endured, it has beauty. The valley that you have found yourself walking in for far longer than you ever dreamed you would, it has beauty. The problem, the trial, the heartache, the damage...beautiful. How? How.

It's the second part of the verse: He has put eternity in our hearts. Everything we face has the potential to draw us closer to the Lord, if we allow it to. And as we draw closer to the Lord, that eternity that has been put in our hearts, grows stronger and stronger. Until all we can focus on is the glory of the Lord! Until all we can think about, is gazing on His beautiful face. Because if our hearts are drawn towards Heaven, and if our hearts are always aware that we are simply passing through, then our situation has no choice but to appear beautiful. Because it's getting us one step closer to Him.

And lastly the verse says, "no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end." We can't fathom the big picture. We can't comprehend the reason behind some of the stuff we've had to endure, or are currently enduring. But how beautiful must it be to the heart of the Father, when in the natural, we can hardly muster another prayer...and yet we do. And yet we walk. And yet we run. And yet we endure. How beautiful must that be to the Lord.

So if everything is made beautiful in His time, then we trust in just exactly that. We trust in His time. It may not be a beautiful season you are walking through at the moment; in fact it may be downright ugly. But you can trust that at some point in your journey, it will be beautiful to the Lord. Otherwise the Bible would not say that. So I have to believe it.

You know the old saying that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder?" Oh Jesus, as you look on us, may we shine your beauty. May we walk through adversity, with our heads held high, knowing that you have placed eternity in our hearts. And for that reason, among many many other reasons, we look to your beautiful face and we thank you that your definition of beautiful is not ours. In Jesus name, Amen.

PS. My toes are still angry. If you see me in flats for the rest of my life, you'll know they won.

You need only be still

If you're like me, you try to fix every problem that comes across your path; not only that, but you try to fix everyone else's problem that comes along their path as well! I'm the person that has difficulty not fixing a situation. Even if I have no idea how to fix a situation, I will keep talking and thinking until I can come up with a way to fix it. And more often than not, I was never intended to fix it in the first place. Maybe it's a result of being the oldest child in a dysfunctional household and having to care for my siblings at an early age, I dunno, but for whatever reason I have difficulty just sitting back and trusting God to work things out.

Now granted, there of course are times that God gives us common sense to work through a problem or situation, it's not always necessary to sit back and wait. Sometimes the answer is clear and you know what needs doing and you carry on to fix that thing, knowing that God has moved quickly. And then there are other times and situations that lend cause for waiting. And waiting. Aaaaaand waiting.

I read a powerful passage of scripture yesterday in 2 Chronicles regarding King Jehoshaphat that I wanted to share here in hopes that it might encourage someone in the middle of a difficult situation. The King was up against a huge army. He called everyone to fast and pray and they did. And here is the word that was sent to him re: the battle he faced:

2 Chronicles 20:15-17 says, "15 And he said, “Listen, all you of Judah and you inhabitants of Jerusalem, and you, King Jehoshaphat! Thus says the Lord to you: ‘Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s. 16 Tomorrow go down against them. They will surely come up by the Ascent of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the brook before the Wilderness of Jeruel. 17 You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you, O Judah and Jerusalem!’ Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, for the Lord is with you.”

The battle was not even his to begin with, the battle was the Lord's. And I LOVE vs. 17 that says, "You will not need to fight in this battle!" It's such an awesome encouragement to those that face tremendous difficulty today. No matter how dire a situation you find yourself in, the battle is not yours, it's the Lord's! And if the battle belongs to Him, you are guaranteed victory! The King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Creator of the Universe, the Rose of Sharon, the Lily of the Valley, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Fairest of Ten Thousands, the Bright and the Morning Star, King JESUS! He stands by your side, right by your side, and He will fight the battle for you! You need only be still. YOU NEED ONLY BE STILL. You need only be still.

It's interesting when you read the entire chapter because instead of sending out warrior captains on the front lines they sent out temple singers instead. They began to sing praises to God as they walked out to the battle!

So rather than take matters into your own hands, rather than sitting and obsessing over every situation going wrong in your world today, square your shoulders, lift up your head and begin to sing some praises to God! As you begin to sing, let the praises of God flow freely from your mouth and let those songs turn into shouts of victory because remember, God says "You need only be still!"

The battle in the Garden

My husband recently shared a thought he had re: the time Jesus spent in the Garden of Gethsemane, the night He would be arrested; and the thought still has stuck with me to this day. Which is a shocker because I'm notorious for having a short term memory. Ask me what I wore in kindergarten and I can tell you in great detail but what did I say last Sunday at church? Couldn't tell ya.

Joey (that would be my handsome husband) said that he thinks the time Jesus experienced in the garden was far more difficult for Jesus to endure than the actual journey to the cross. The reason being, that the Bible notes an Angel came to strengthen Jesus in the garden, however there is no mention of that during Jesus' time on the cross.

That makes so much sense to me. The victory, in my opinion, was won in the Garden. In that moment, as Jesus is praying to God, He is asking God to take the cup from Him, if it is possible. But then of course He says 'not my will, but yours be done.'

All Heaven must have stood still in that moment, awaiting what God would do. Would the pain be too much for God to handle, unable to watch His Son in extreme sorrow, knowing what lay ahead for Him on the cross? Would God indeed take the cup and just call Jesus home? What would happen to us, man kind, if He altered the plan right then and there. He is God, He certainly could have done that.

But instead, He sent an Angel to strengthen His Son. Knowing it had to be done, a sacrifice had to be offered. And not just any sacrifice would do...

This Children's Bible has been blessing our socks off this week. There is a portion that describes what happened to Jesus in the Garden that is just so powerful:

'"Papa! Father!" Jesus cried. And He fell to the ground. "Is there any other way to get your children back? To heal their hearts? To get rid of the poison?" But Jesus knew - there was no other way. All the poison of sin was going to have to go into His own heart. God was going to pour into Jesus' heart all the sadness and brokenness in people's hearts. He was going to pour into Jesus' body all the sickness in people's bodies. God was going to have to blame His Son for everything that had gone wrong. It would crush Jesus.'

Wow. Now if that does not clearly explain Gethsemane, I don't know what does. Can you even imagine what Jesus felt like? Can you even imagine?

I know times when I have felt overwhelmed with my own self, analyzing things and over thinking everything...then I think of my sin, then I can look back at the times I've been broken, rejected, hurt & betrayed. I can think of times that I have fought sickness. I can vividly recall feelings of insecurity and of shame. But for me, those things have taken place throughout my entire existence, not all at once. Had I been overwhelmed with everthing all at once, I don't think I'd be alive. Nor would you.

So here is Jesus, with every single thing I've faced, stinging His heart. But what you can't wrap your head around, is that every single thing you have faced is stinging His heart as well. And every thing any human that has graced this planet or will grace this planet, stinging...

And so He is overwhelmed...He says in Matthew 26, "My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death." He felt He could die, right there in the Garden. And we can understand why.

So it leads me to think again of Joey's thought, the battle was the hardest in the Garden. Because once He left the Garden, He had a resolve. He had asked His Father to take the cup, but He did not. Instead, Jesus was given strength in that moment. And I believe, it's the strength that carried Him the rest of the way.

Sometimes God does not take the problem from us, no matter how strong our faith is. But instead, He strengthens us for the duration of the journey through that difficulty. We know why God did not take the cup from Jesus, because He loved us, and it was the only way for us to be with Him for eternity. Jesus did not question God in the Garden. He accepted His will. I, for one, am so glad He did. Sunday's a comin.

The love of a friend

Maundy Thursday. Holy Thursday. The Thursday before Easter that we remember the Passover supper, the last meal that Jesus had with his disciples before being crucified. I can't fully wrap my head around such a meal; there are so many intricate details that go into a Passover meal that an in depth study of it would be extremely fascinating. Let's not forget that Jesus Himself was Jewish, therefore He held to Jewish tradition when it came to such things. The meaning behind the customs and traditions are so interesting.

But tonight, my heart feels overwhelmed at the thought of this last supper, not too mention the events about to unfold at the Mt. of Olives. I imagine a Jesus, unable to really eat during supper, being fully human and yet fully God, but feeling extremely heavy. The fullness of what He was about to experience has not even hit Him yet, as the Garden experience still lies ahead. But here He is at the Passover meal, attempting to break the news to His followers, His disciples, his companions, His friends.

He loved the disciples. Imagine how close He felt to them, having experienced such tremendous joy over the course of the short ministry that had taken place up to this point. The joy of healing people, the joy of seeing people set free from demonic possession, the joy of seeing a life restored, the joy of re-birth coming over people; all the joys shared amongst the group only drew them that much closer. Jesus loved them dearly. In fact, I love how Jesus prays to God for them in John 17. He says, "while I was with them in the world, I kept them in your name." Meaning He protected them, He provided for them, He took close watch of them...He kept them. I love that.

Imagine the scene for a moment, if you will. Picture it happening to you. You are surrounded by a group of people that you dearly love; a group of people that have not left your side since you stepped out and began what God had called you to do. A people that look to you for every answer, every worry, every hope and every dream. And now imagine that you have to tell them that this is the last time you will eat with them here on this earth. You have to tell them, in fact, that you are going to die. Can you even for one second feel what the disciples were feeling? Can you allow yourself to feel the despair and confusion that must have overwhelmed all those in attendance that night? And Jesus. He loves them. He knows this news is shattering their very core and yet He knows it is essential to God's plan of redemption for their very souls, the very souls He has grown to love and feels the need to pray for in John 17. (It's great to note that Jesus prays for us as well in John 17, He prays for all those that would believe. Pretty cool.)

I read something tonight that just brought this meal to a different light for me. We have the best Children's Bible I've ever read, in my humble opinion of course! It just seems that every story brings scripture to light in such a way that it blesses me each time I read it with the girls. Tonight was no exception & I want to share this portion regarding the last supper:

Then Jesus picked up some bread and broke it. He gave it to His friends. He picked up a cup of wine and thanked God for it. He poured it out and shared it.

"My body is like this bread. It will break," Jesus told them. "This cup of wine is like my blood. It will pour out. But this is how God will rescue the whole world. My life will break and God's broken world will mend. My heart will tear apart - and your hearts will heal. Just as the passover lamb died, so now I will die instead of you. My blood will wash away all of your sins. And you'll be clean on the inside - in your hearts. So whenever you eat and drink, remember," Jesus said, "I've rescued you."

Jesus knew it was nearly time for him to leave the world and go back to God. "I won't be with you long," He said. "You are going to be very sad. But God's helper will come. And then you'll be filled up with a forever happiness that won't ever leave. So don't be afraid. You are my friends and I love you."

I just love that. I love the picture it paints. He loved His friends. He loved us. And so He left us with a ceremonial way to remember Him, communion.

Love caused Him to do that. Love for His Father. Love for His friends. Love for you. And love for me.

On this Thursday before Easter, may that love overwhelm us...there is nothing like the love of a friend. Jesus is my friend. And I guess there is plenty of Him to go around for you too ;)

Living a Crucified life?

Galatians 2:20-21 says, "My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 21 I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die."

What does that actually mean? To be crucified with Christ? My old self, what is "my old self" anyway? Because sometimes I still feel like my same self, with all my negative talk/thoughts/actions. So how do I crucify myself with Christ? How? How.

Jesus could have come down off the cross if He had so chose too. He easily could have called the whole thing off. A shout, heck even a whisper would have been all it would have took for legions of Angels to surround Jesus and pull Him down. Nobody forced Him to stay there, not the Romans, the heckling of the people, and no, not even the nails. After all, He held within Himself the very power of God. NOTHING could keep Him on that cross. Not one thing. Well, that's not entirely true, because in actuality it was ONLY one thing that kept Him there, LOVE.

John 3:16, a famous and yet so powerful verse, "For God so loved the World..." And that's why He stayed. He loved us. He loved me, in spite of me. He loved me before I was even a flutter in my mother's tummy. He loved me, with full knowledge that I would have days entrenched in "my old self." Regardless of me, He still loved me. Wow! The un-conditional love displayed at Calvary is the very reason that I strive to be crucified with Christ, daily. He already died the death necessary for my sins; the sacrifice has been made - all the sin, all the hurt, all the bondage, all the addiction, all the bitterness, all the anger, all the rage, all the envy, all the sickness, all the lack, ALL the stuff, it's already been crucified with Christ. When He died that brutal death on the cross, all of that stuff died with Him. The potential for our freedom was given at Calvary. But it's not until we accept Christ and choose to crucify our own selves, that we can claim that freedom for our own.

2 Corinthians 5:17 says, "therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, behold, all things become new."

What an interesting accompaniment that verse is to the original verse I read in Galatians. I'm seeing a theme here folks. In Christ = new life.

So if I am in Christ, and I have this new life, why oh why would I ever allow the old self to live again? Unfortunately though, we do. We let the old man creep in ever so slightly. Perhaps we get overwhelmed with the cares of this world; we carry everyone's burdens to the extent that it literally weighs so heavy on our hearts that we begin to bend under the pressure of their lives. It could be a family member, a friend, someone you are helping or ministering to. If we are not careful, we get weary. And when we get weary, we let our guard down. And the crucified life we strive to live slowly and subtly begins to fade away.

The same goes for those in a tremendous battle of life. Perhaps you face overwhelming challenges today or you are up against life altering decisions. The weight of that can become so heavy, that again, slowly and subtly, the crucified life we strive to live begins to fade away. Whatever the "stuff" is that is trying to steal your crucifixion today, don't let it. Don't even give it another second of your time. It's not worthy of your worry. No matter how extreme the situation is, it's not worthy of your worry. We have got to live this life Heaven minded, simply passing through this place. Nothing from our old self is worth sacrificing our spot in Heaven for, nothing. NOT ONE THING. Living a life that is crucified with Christ is not always easy, Jesus never said it would be. But the benefits of living that life far outweigh the other option.

I get to live a life full of peace, a life full of joy, a life full of trust. The stuff that God allows me to do in this life is so crazy exciting that sometimes I want to remind God of who I am in case He forgot and gave me someone else's life. I certainly don't deserve this one He has given me. But for whatever reason, He let's me live it. So for as long as I have breath in my lungs here on Earth, as long as there is a beat in my heart, here on this place called Earth, then I will continue to strive to live a life that is crucified with Christ. I choose to leave all the stuff that Christ took to the cross at the cross. What a deal? Man, think about the deal we get. It's crazy! We ask God to forgive us and He does. We ask God to restore us, and He does. We ask God to provide for us, and He does. We ask God to heal us, and He does.

I read something so great by Angie Smith in a book called "Mended, pieces of a life made whole," that I want to share with you. She says, "There is such a difference between religion and relationship. I could not have survived without the latter, I assure you. Because, you see, the thing about the nails in this life is that they are temporary. We choose to bear them because we know that we will lay our crowns at His feet in the blink of an eye. We will join Him for eternity, and will worship the One Who was scarred on our behalf."

This life is just a moment. So I encourage you today with this thought, a crucified life may not always be an easy life. You may sincerely have to sacrifice some difficult things to live a crucified life. You may have to put your own will and your own desires on the shelf in order to live a Godly life. But take heart in this, the very love that kept King Jesus on the cross is the very love that will literally hold you in Heaven soon and very soon. It will be worth it all. Any sacrifice you make to live that crucified life will indeed be worth it all. It it wasn't, Jesus would not have had do be crucified. But He knew something that we didn't...He knew Heaven. And He knew we needed to be there. And so we will. Amen and amen.

With boldness.

I just read the following passage in Hebrews and I'd like to share it here for anyone that might need to know how approachable God really is:

Hebrews 4:12-16 says, "For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. 13 And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account. 14 Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

That is a lot of information to take in; so much to digest from God in that passage. That scripture has always been a favorite of mine, that the Word is literally alive. As I speak the Word of God over my life, God begins to activate it over me! When my faith is down, if I will simply crack open the Word and just begin to read, the Word cannot help but activate. My faith cannot help but rise. It's the only thing that can happen.

So not only does the Word encourage us, lift our faith and inspire us to continue on in this journey, but the Word will search our hearts. Nothing is hidden from God. Not anything we say, not anything we do, not anything we think, not anything. NO THING is hidden from God. He see's it all. He knows it all.

Now, if a person here on Earth knew all that God knows about me, I'd be scared. Because I fail. A lot. But honestly, it does not scare me that God has that place in my life. I guess I've actually come to the place of trusting God as my father, a journey that's on going of course, but one that I've come quite a distance in already.

My girls adore their dad. He can do no wrong! Lily calls him, "handsome daddy" and often says, "hey big guy!" Joei Kate loves to snuggle up to him any time she can. The way my girls love him with such an incredible love has taught me so much. I can't relate to that feeling, loving an earthly father with such intensity...so to see it manifest in my own children has shown me a different side of a father/daughter relationship.

They trust their dad. They are not afraid of him. They know he will do what he tells them he will do. They know when he is serious with them and means business, but they also know when he is being playful with them, which honestly is most the time!

I struggled for years to call God my father. It seemed an insult to call him such a name. A name that had harmed me for many years. But I'm sitting here this morning with such an overwhelming realization of just how far God has brought me! So far now, that I can say yes God, you are my father. I trust you. I am not afraid of you. I know you will do what you say you will do. I know when you are serious and when you mean business, but I know when you are being playful, which honestly is most the time. Hmm.

My husband just returned from Israel, and being where Jesus actually walked changed his life! I can only imagine! Jesus walked this earth, as a human, made up of the same physical stuff as us. Wrap your head around that for a minute! He was tempted, just like us. Yet He did not sin. He is our high priest. And when we come to Him, we don't have to approach Him in fear - the scripture says to approach Him with boldness in fact!

When my girls want something, they approach daddy with boldness. There is no fear in them. Do they respect him? Oh yes, of course. And because of that, they want to do right by him. But they are not afraid of him.

I respect God. I love Him. I'm so thankful to Him for all He has done for me. And so because of that, I want to do right by Him. I want to make the right choices in life. I want to strive to be all that I can be, because I love my Father. So with that in mind, I can approach Him with boldness. I can run to Him anytime I need to. If it's to present a request, I can boldly go. If it's to cry over a hurt, I can boldly go. If it's to vent an anger, I can boldly go. If it's simply to snuggle up with Him, I can boldly go. And so can you.

So can you.

Our duty

It’s been quite awhile since I’ve written anything, so I am literally forcing myself to sit down and do this. Everything else I need to do this morning is calling my name, but I need to get my butt in gear! Forgive me for using the word “butt.” I don’t like my kids to use the word. So I guess I could delete the word and replace it with “bottom” but where is the fun in that!

Excuse me as my 4-year-old daughter is arguing the fact that she cannot wear her “high heel boots” to the zoo today. And she left crying. Ok then.

So yesterday as I was sharing this passage of scripture at church – Oh dear, the 4 year old is back, asking if I’d just rather she threw away her High Heel boots since I don’t want her to wear them. Wow, who knew manipulation started so young.

Let’s try this again. Oh my goodness, she is walking in here again, now with the boots, towards the garbage can, threatening to throw them away. Well I guess I have to focus on this situation a minute. Excuse me…

Aaaaand I’m back. I’d love it if you would read this passage of scripture, and really, really allow it to digest into the deepest parts of your soul.

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn, 3 To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

Reading this particular passage lately is overwhelming my heart! That is what Jesus came to do. And there is something so passion-filled about it, that I couldn’t help but lose myself in that. I guess because I have personally been a recipient of that scripture. Jesus has literally done all of those things in my life.

He literally has brought me good tidings. He literally has healed my broken heart. He literally has set me free. He literally has comforted me when I most needed it. He literally has given me beauty for the ashes of a life I once had. He literally has given me joy in the place of mourning. He literally has given me the ability to praise my way out of heaviness. Literally.

Think about this for a moment – if we are called to be Christ like, that’s what a Christian is right? Well, if we are called to be like Jesus, then it would seem to me that we are to lead people in this same way. It’s our duty then, as Disciples of the Almighty God, to bring good tidings to the poor. It’s our duty to proclaim liberty to the captives. It’s our duty to show people the way out of their own personal prisons. It’s our duty then to comfort those who mourn with the only comfort we know! It’s our duty then to show people the beauty that resides inside of them. It’s our duty to lead people to praise! IT IS OUR DUTY!

Matthew 28:19-20 says, Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.

Go. Jesus simply said to go. And if He calls us to go, I have to assume that He is calling us to do what Isaiah 61 is talking about. It’s a lofty command, Go. It can be a command that often times is frightening to follow through with. But that’s where verse 20 comes in and brings a calm to this fearful heart…”I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

So no matter what God is calling us to do in this life, we can do it with the assurance that God is with us. He always is with us. He is right there…

Well, it's not a long post but it's a start back in the right direction. Unfortunately the bunny cage did not clean itself while I sat here so it still calls. Not too mention the stray cats that have gathered outside for food. I'm feeding the whole clan apparently. We're starting a small farm it seems. I should have listened to my husband. But don't tell him that. And the kid with the high heels is still out there, waiting to make another move. But it's all good. I can do anything. Jesus is right there...