Do you need a Barn?

A new year always causes us to reflect on the year we've just endured, doesn't it? It's funny though, because for many of us, we still only reflect on the things that happened most recently. We tend to forget to go back as far as last January even! Perhaps we're just wired to live life in the present, so we rarely take trips to the past to recollect the things that have transpired. In some ways that's great because we can easily live life out of our past so much that we paralyze any plans for the future that God is trying to bring to fruition in our lives. The rear-view mirror in a car is small for a reason...

Having said that, there is something so wonderful about looking over the previous year and truly recalling all the things that God has seen us through. There are lessons that lye in everything the year brought us. The good, the bad and the ugly, they all can teach us something if we are willing to look deeply for the lesson. And then we can do one of my favorite things, hold God's promise to the situation that He will take everything we have gone through and make it work for good. Take a look back to January, take a look at a difficulty you may have been facing then. Hold the lens of God's promise to the situation and see how God has turned that situation for His good. And if you can't see the good yet, keep your eyes open because it's promised to take place!

This year for my little family has been a year of just ridiculous miracles! God did something for us that I never in my wildest dreams imagined He would do. And yet, why didn't I? I should know by now that God is in the barn bursting business! The great thing about miracles is that they often require two parts, our part and then God's part. The Bible is all about sowing and reaping right? So what we sow here in the flesh, we can expect to reap a harvest in that area. We SHOULD expect it anyhow. But then our brains take over and we start over thinking everything and because we can't reason HOW God will perform the miracle then we just stop expecting it to happen all together.

I have the privilege every week to lead our congregation in Worship through giving of tithes & offerings to the Lord. It's indeed a privilege to be part of this phenomenal principle that God has given us! I remember when I first learned this principle, I was a teenager in youth group so I got to start this at a young age. Giving to God's House was something I never felt guilted into doing, again, I felt it a privilege that God wanted to use me in this area. Trust me, He didn't NEED my minimum wage tithe from Taco Bell! But what He did need, and what He did use, was my obedience. And please hear me, I don't share this like I've mastered the area of giving. I'm as stingy and greedy and self-centered as they come. But I'm also a work in progress so God's been gracious with me in this area and given me such a love for this principle. And I fully, 100% believe that is why our family saw the miracle that we saw this year. It's a tad to personal to share the details but ya gotta trust me when I say He did a miracle!

One of my all time favorite scriptures on giving is found in 2 Corinthians 9. It says, "Remember this—a farmer who plants only a few seeds will get a small crop. But the one who plants generously will get a generous crop. 7 You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.”8 And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. 9 As the Scriptures say,

“They share freely and give generously to the poor. Their good deeds will be remembered forever.”

10 For God is the one who provides seed for the farmer and then bread to eat. In the same way, he will provide and increase your resources and then produce a great harvest of generosity in you. 11 Yes, you will be enriched in every way so that you can always be generous. And when we take your gifts to those who need them, they will thank God."

I love this! So much in this passage to grab from. I love that in verse 9, Paul is quoting out of Psalm 112, encouraging us to be people that share freely and people that give to the poor. Seeing the Old Testament in the New Testament is such a cool thing to me.

This is absolutely a promise for us! God's not concerned with the amount that we give, He is concerned with our heart when we give it. He knows how much income we have and He knows what we can give to stretch our faith, so the amount of our giving is not the issue here...it's how we give it. It is imperative to be a giver. Bottom line. It just is.

I share this particular topic because I believe it's why we saw such a wonderful miracle take place for us, we can directly trace our part of the miracle to the fact that we wholeheartedly love this principle.

Now back to YOUR miracle. What do you have need of today? Sow a seed in that area. If you need a friend, show yourself friendly. If you are believing for God to restore a relationship, encourage someone else in theirs. If you have a great financial need today, sow a seed to your local Church or a ministry you believe in. If you are believing for a loved one's salvation, sow a seed of prayer for them today, send an encouraging note or phone call. Sow a seed! Sowing isn't just related to finances, it's in everything that we do. We sow seeds, we reap the harvest. Verse 10 promises that God will increase our resources and produce a great harvest of generosity in us. I could stand to be more generous, how about you? I can give more, I can love more, I can smile more, I can serve more...I can DO more. I can be more generous. So today I'm believing this verse all over again for myself. I'm expecting INCREASE in every area of my life in 2015. After all, God is in the barn bursting business.

Happy New Year!

Sweet Communion

I've been walking a road of attempted discipline in certain areas; I wish I could say I've mastered living a disciplined life however I cannot. It got me to thinking, often times, when you are striving so hard to stick to something you know is right, and then you fail to hold true to said task, shame easily jumps on your bandwagon taking you down an entirely different road. It's generally a road very far from the disciplined life you desire.

We have a point system that we use in our household that is based on the fruits of the Spirit. So everything regarding chores, behavior, character building, it all stems from the following scripture: Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

This verse has been ingrained in my mind since starting this up with our girls, I think it's influencing me more than them! It's the "self-control" that I always have to pause on. It's difficult to exhibit self-control for me. Wether it's in regards to my attitude, the things I say, the time I waste doing nonsensical things, the food I mindlessly eat, and the list can go on and on. Hence my road of attempted discipline I'm on.

Yesterday though, God began to give me some insight into this road I'm walking that is bringing some freedom to my soul, and I hope it may help someone else as well.

Sustained Discipline is simply Sustained Communion.

That's what God dropped in my heart. That simple phrase. Sustained Discipline is simply Sustained Communion.

We strive to conquer so many different things in our lives, claiming victory with each positive step we take. And we absolutely should claim victory as it's promised to those in Christ Jesus (1 Cor. 15:55.) But what happens when we take a step back? What happens to our resolve when we veer a little off of our disciplined road? If you are at all like me, (and if you're not, that's cool, but you should get big hair, just throwin that out there) when I take a step back or veer a tad from my disciplined road, I'll forget the strides that I have made, beat myself up, and just continue going backwards from the intended road I know I should be on because in my eyes, failure breeds shame. But really, that is nothing more than a lie from the devil himself. Failure should be a spring board to success, something I can learn from. Not something that sends me into a pity party of whoa is me because I flunked self-control today. Anyone?

We sometimes think of Victory as a "One Stop Shop," as if we only get one shot as this victory thing and if we blow it then we might as well forget it and go back to the thing causing us struggle. Victory is a process. Do we immediately have victory over the situation that God is highlighting to us? If you are in Christ, absolutely. But Philippians 2:12 tells us to "work out our salvation with fear and trembling." 1 John 5:4 says, "For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith."

So that tells me that I have to continually work out my salvation, I have to continually work out my victory. Is it mine the moment I ask? Fo sho. But it's my faith that has to work for it. I have to keep putting the hand to the plow and WORK IT OUT.

Sustained Discipline is simply Sustained Communion.

If I had no weak areas, I'd be less likely to have to seek the face of Jesus on a continual basis. Of course I'd go to Him in praise and thanksgiving, learning and searching His Word. But there is something to be said about "needing" Him on a daily basis. I need Him. Oh how I need Him. I need Jesus to help me with my weak areas. I need Him to strengthen me as I walk this Victorious road.

So the more that we walk this road of Sustained Discipline, in whatever area(s) God is calling you to be disciplined in, we have to know that it's keeping us in sweet Communion with our Father. You may take a step back, the pause button may be pressed, or perhaps you took a full sprint backwards and feel so far off course that you don't know where to begin. Start with Communion. Commune with your Lord. Acknowledge your need for Him. Call me crazy, but I think He likes to be needed. My kids better need me all their ever lovin days or somebody's getting a beat down! The minute they stop needing me is, well, it's a minute I don't want to think about. Imagine what God feels when we stop needing Him.

Could it be that your struggle is a blessing in disguise? Because perhaps, just perhaps, without that weak area, without the need for discipline, maybe we would not cling to Jesus quite as much. And after all, there's no better place to be, than clinging to Jesus for your very next step in victory.

So today, I'm no longer calling this my "attempted road to discipline." No. I live a life of sustained discipline. Will I mess up, delaying my progress? Yep. But it's just a moment to commune with someone who is able to handle my delay...

Don't speak the bleak!

Sometimes we women talk too much. We share too much. We advise to much. We get all up in everybody's business too much. Now don't get me wrong, I believe God created us with an innate ability to encourage those in our path; we absolutely need to speak into people's lives and do our best to help them be their best. But there also are times when we need to take a look at our own selves. What is coming out of our mouths about our personal situations? Is there something that God has spoke to my heart that is just for me, and in due time God will reveal it to everyone else around me, but in the mean time I'm to just ponder it in my heart? Or am I in a difficult season of life and I find myself speaking negativity over the situation, only further burying any potential for turnaround into the ground? Things I've been pondering lately...

Proverbs tells us that life and death are in the power of the tongue. So that tells me that I have the ability within my own mouth to bring life to a situation or to curse it with death. I'm all for being realistic when describing a difficult situation, I totally get that. But I also don't want the words that flow from my mouth during said description to further cause harm. Our words are powerful. We flippantly throw negative things around, and then wonder why the heck everything is going south in our lives. "I'll never figure this out." "I can't beat this health problem, it's too bad." "My kid's are so rebellious, I can't do anything with them." "I hate the way I look, I'm so fat." "I wish I had so and so's life." "I'll never pay my bills." "It's flu season, I'm sure I'll get it."

Anyone?

Again, I get being realistic, I do. Faith talk sometimes takes baby steps. So how about starting with a blend of realism and faith, flipping our confession from negative to positive. "This is difficult but with God's strength I know I can do it!" "My kids are awesome, I know God is taking their difficulty and working in their lives even if I don't see it." "I may not see myself how God does, but I'm getting there! I know He see's me as His beautiful creation so I'm doing my best to see that too!" "God promises to supply my need according to His riches, so I'll trust Him in this season." "I thank you Lord for health in my body & I don't receive anything that's going around this year!"

"You can't talk defeat and expect to have victory. You can't talk lack and expect to have abundance. You will produce what you say." - Joel Osteen

Romans 12:2 struck me in a different way today, it says, "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

The world is negative, no doubt about that. Turn on any news station and it's filled with doom and gloom. Listen to the conversations of your co-workers and it's negative. Next time you are in the check out line at the store, I'll venture to say if you listen close enough, you'll hear negative talk all around you. So the Bible is telling us not to be like the world! Why? Because we are not OF this world. We are simply strangers passing through. This world is not our home. This world and it's struggles are not our eternity. So if we are going to make a difference during our stay here on planet earth, then we need to go further in the scripture we just read; having our mind transformed so that we can prove what's good and acceptable! We can't prove the perfect will of God if we are stuck in our negative world. No, we have to get out of that zone, get out of what the world deems acceptable and normal, and move into a new realm that's filled with a transformed mind! A mind that's been transformed has no room for negativity. A transformed mind is so overcome with grace and with mercy that out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth is speaking positive, the mouth is speaking faith. How is our mind transformed? Through the Word. And the Word of God is anything but negative. So take scripture and shout it from the rooftops and watch in amazement what God will do!

A thought like this would be remiss without mentioning Romans 4:17, that we are to "call those things that are not as though they were." Is your situation bleak? Don't speak the bleak! Speak out by faith what you are believing God to do in that particular situation. Call it out! Let the fruit that flows from your mouth be positive, declaring the good things of God.

I'm the head and not the tail, I'm above and not beneath. I have more than enough! Through God's strength, I have what it takes. Whatever I put my hands to do will prosper! I thank you Lord that my kids will serve you with their whole heart! I believe that my finances are on the upswing. I am loved by almighty God, my sins are forgiven, I'm covered in mercy, and I'm just passing through, You have a home for me in Glory! I'll do my best on this earth to make a difference in the lives around me, leading them to you through my life.

Get your faith up today! NO MATTER WHAT. Faith that's not tested is faith that can't be trusted. Are you being tested today? The Bible says to "Count it all joy." Yuck. We don't like that. Joy? Really? Yes. Really. Your test is proof that God's not through with the situation. He has the last word, He gives the score, He has the final say. So walk through your test with your head held high, knowing that if God be for you, can't nobody be against you today!

Edited to add: I'm still pondering! It really comes down to a trust issue. Faith equals trust. As I speak faith over my situations, do I then believe God to actually do what I'm speaking He will do? I have some things I'm speaking faith over...so now it's up to me to put my total trust in God to bring to pass what I am speaking. Amen and amen.

Walking the human road

Have you ever been judged for the way you look, or for where you are from, or perhaps for something you said that was taken out of context? Or maybe you find yourself on the other side of the spectrum and often are the one doing the judging, not intentionally of course.

It's an easy trap to fall into, judging folks. We all have done it, or are currently doing it. We look at a person and the thoughts that cross our mind are less than kind. Or we read into something a person says, turning it into what it never was intended to be. Maybe you look at a particular Minister or church member and find every flaw they have in them and deem the church in general as a fraud.

As we walk this human road, we must be aware of the potholes along life's journey; holes that have been strategically placed by the devil himself to trip us up and cause us to miss the mark that God has for us. They are often cleverly disguised as something good, something that makes you think you are actually doing the right thing when in fact, it's only leading you further into the hole.

Sometimes we think we are God's Sheriff and that it's up to us to make sure everyone is living on the up and up, doing what they should be doing, not saying what they should not be saying, not thinking what they should not be thinking, not going where they should not be going. And we think it's our job to be sure everyone knows said person is making said mistake, because in all honesty, we think it makes us look better.

Anyone?

No, of course not.

And yet, we can skim through any social media site right now and see horrible things posted about Minister's, Christians and all around great people. And what's worse, is it's often posted by Ministers, Christians and all around great people.

You may think "if I don't expose this hypocrisy, nobody will. They will be led astray!" Didn't Jesus Himself say to take a look at the plank in your own eye before you focus on someone else? Oh man. Jesus' life on Earth was such a phenomenal example of how to walk this human road. He did not go around exposing people, He moved in forgiveness, He moved in Healing, He moved in Compassion. If you want to talk about the people He exposed, let's talk about the religious folks of His day. He was not cool with the way they operated...

I get it. I know there's some crazy stuff out there, I know there are false prophets galore. I know there are people that absolutely prostitute the gospel for their gain. I totally get it. And it's flat wrong. But I also know that there are well meaning people out there, doing their best to reach a hurting world for Christ. Maybe you don't agree with their methods, maybe they don't preach enough scripture for your approval, or perhaps their tool of ministry is so far out of the box you think they are cult status!

At the end of the day, we are judged by our fruit. If what they are doing is producing long lasting, life changing fruit, then pray God's blessing on them. If the fruit that is being produced is rotten, then pray God's hand to be in the situation and leave it at that. God's kind of an expert at dealing with people!

Ephesians says this: "So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord."

We are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God. Wow. If you call yourself a believer in Jesus, you're in the club my friend! Regardless of your denominational stance, regardless of how you were raised, regardless of your opinion on the issues of our day, regardless of how you look, regardless of where you're from, regardless of what you wear to church, regardless of your tattoo's or your lack of tattoo's, regardless of what kind of music you like, regardless of how you are raising your kids, regardless of how you think church should look like, regardless of you lifting your hands in worship or you keepin' em low, regardless of your awesomeness or your lack thereof, WE ARE THE CHURCH!

We are the Church.

The Bible says that we know we have passed from death to life when we love the brethren. Do you truly want to live? Love your brother. Love your sister. They may have a totally different way of showing Jesus than you do, and that's ok. How boring would the Church be if everyone did exactly the same thing? Granted, I think we all should rock big hair. But that's not fair to my handsome bald husband so I'll have to accept the fact that everyone is unique in their own way!

Listen, this human road is not always easy. It's wrought with so many potholes along the way. We face real life struggles on this journey such as family issues, health problems & financial crisis. We don't have time to focus on what everyone else is or isn't doing right. Let's leave the judgement to the Lord. After all, He's super skilled at running the world.

Dig your heels in!

There's a topic that's stirring in my heart today, and thinking about it now, it actually has been simmering in my heart all week. It's in regards to digging our heels in...let me explain.

Have you ever been to the beach and played in the waves? As you stand there, the wave comes rushing over you and as it makes it's way back to the ocean, if you dig your heels in, it almost feels as if you are moving, even though are completely still.

We just got back from a week at the beach, what a great time we had! Kate amazed even her own self with how well she did on a body board and Lily, well... Our first day at the beach was late in the afternoon and she was tired. As we were leaving she began to melt down over the sand that was all over her. She declared "I love the beach, I just hate the sand!" Ooookkkk.

Thankfully day 2 was much more enjoyable for her though, as we all played in the waves together. I held her hand as the waves crashed over us and she would yell, "Lily's in the lead" if a wave didn't cause her to fall. She would taunt each wave as it formed, warning it that 'you mr. wave are clearly no match for Lily.' Until she would see a huge wave begin to form, she would change her confession to "Lily might not be in the lead, dun, dun, dunnnnn!"

If the "hinormous" wave made her fall, she would tell the world that Lily was currently in 2nd place, then she would get back up and prepare to take back her role in the lead as she stood the test of waver after wave, digging her heels in. This continued over and over and over. She would be in the lead, get knocked down, get back up and declare yet again her lead position. She just kept getting back up...

There was no option of retreat for Lily. In fact, she would still be there playing the same exact game if her perfect world existed! Quitting was not on the table, no matter how much water she ingested from being knocked down. The size of the wave was no mach for her tenacious spirit. Retreat? Heck no. She took back the lead every.single.time.

So why don't we? We might find ourselves in a situation that has stripped us of our lead position so to speak - we are caught in a place of seemingly unanswered prayers - in the midst of a black night - left with more questions than answers - abandoned - alone - scared - frustrated - angry - confused - afraid.

I feel this so strongly in my spirit today for anyone needing to hear this, DIG YOUR HEELS IN. Dig your heels in and DO NOT WAIVER. It does not matter the size of the wave, it does not matter if it knocks you down momentarily, it does not matter if the answer does not develop in the way you expected it to, DIG YOUR BLASTED HEELS IN and do not move. God knows you. He knows your name. He knows the things that are against you but He also knows what is for you, and what is FOR you is far greater than what is against you.

So in whatever season you find yourself today, dig your heels in and take back your lead position. Our circumstances don't have to change to be in the lead, but our attitude sure does. We dig in to God's Word, reading it with a ferociousness about it, we can't get enough of it. We dig in through prayer, laying our requests to God and thanking Him for the outcome, however He see's fit to bring it. We dig in with thanksgiving, rejoicing over all that God has done in the past. We dig in through obedience, obeying God's Word and His commands. We dig in through consistency, not being moved by what surrounds us but sticking to what we know to do.

As the waves begin to move back to where they came, dig those heels in, you'll feel like your moving, but you won't be. You'll be completely still. Complete in the God that knows you. Complete in the fact that if He is for you, than nobody can be against you. Complete in the knowledge that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion. Complete in Him, regardless of the waves.

Get back in the lead...nobody can take that position from you unless you let them.

I'm wearing a bikini

I'm 37 years old. I have not wore a bikini since I was probably 4, when, in all honesty, is clearly the only acceptable age to wear a bikini and the only, I will say again in caps for effectiveness, the ONLY time it's cute to see butt cheeks hanging out of a swimsuit. Speaking of butt cheeks, I was shopping for underwear the other day, (something I've not done in years, again and in caps, YEARS I say) and there are panties called "Cheekers." Ok, for one, the percentage of women that can pull off wearing cheekers is slim to none, seriously. Long gone is the firm butt... Secondly, how uncomfortable?

Wow, this post is going nowhere fast.

I've struggled with weight since I was a teenager. It's not been a regular sort of struggle, if you will. You know, the kind of struggle that most people have when it comes to diet and exercise and the war of wills and yada, yada. My struggle goes deep. If you know my story, you know that having grown up in an abusive home, a root of shame became my normal early on. So food was, well, it was my comfort. And over the years, shame kept me hating the extra weight and loving it at the same time...weight was my defense mechanism, it was my protection.

In recent years, I've begun to gain some victory in this area, with the help and leading of the Lord. I've got a long way to go in the re-training of my mind, my body and my habits but I'm happy with the progress so far. I've begun to focus on the things that my body can do now, things that it could not do before. Yes, I'd be lying if I didn't say I wanted to look better too...but it makes me feel so proud of myself to see the strength that's growing.

I realize this is a topic to tread carefully because I know the pain it is to be overweight...and I know the pain it is to hear people talk about losing weight and their success story and the annoyance that can go along with hearing it! Trust me, we've all seen the pictures people post about their awesomeness and we've all rolled our eyes a time or two. Or twenty.

So I'm not sharing a typical success story; I'm not going to post a picture that I bribed Kate to take of me working out and pretend I didn't know how it got there. I'm still marching this long, long road...

Success in this area has to be different for me. Because my struggle has gone so deep, I can't be a Weight Watchers victory, losing the weight and voila, success. It has to go deeper. Today, I got a glimpse of what success is to me.

My girls have obviously watched my journey: Kate, being the oldest has seen more of the change in me physically but diet and exercise is something we talk about often in our home. We try to talk about the benefits of healthy eating and how it fuels our bodies; I never want to link food to the way we look, at least when it comes to talking with my girls. We may, or may not have ate gelato for lunch but never mind that... I have tried so hard to keep their self-esteem high, not swayed by the standards the world sets.

I've been doing kickboxing for nearly 2 years now and it's the thing that's really helped me; I have accountability with my instructor who has become a good friend so it keeps me looking forward to going and I stick to it. The girls have come with me on occasion and so they see how hard I have worked.

Well, I've been trying on bathing suits ALL WEEK long. I'm partial to CAPS today. But seriously, ALL WEEK long. I loathe trying on suits, LOATHE it. But we are going to the beach soon and it had to be done. The girls have been going with me and at first they found great sport in watching me try on suits. Poor kids, things are jigglin' that should not be jigglin' and I fear the pictures that are forever etched in their memories of mom trying to squeeze into a piece of lycra.

Then they started doing the "Kate and Lily Surprise," which consisted of them picking out a suit for me to try on and sneaking it in the dressing room. Well, they chose a bikini.

Ok, remember, 4 years old, that's the only acceptable age for a bikini. But to humor them, I tried it on. I told Kate it was comfortable but no way would I wear it! For one, I'm many years away from age 4 y'all. And quite honestly, I'm extremely modest. My girls know that as well, we talk about it often, modesty ranks very high on my list of priorities and to me, showing my stomach (even if it was "showable") is not modest.

Kate went on and on, harassing me continuously in Target over the bikini. "Mom, you have worked so hard, you earned this!" All through the store...on and on. I was enjoying the encouragement they were both giving me and it's the first time I've really heard them share their thoughts on the matter. I didn't realize they noticed, but they did.

Well we left Target, without a bikini. But today, found ourselves back at Target looking yet AGAIN for a suit. ALL WEEK long y'all.

They snuck in more bikini's to wich I said no to again and again. And then on our way out, I saw a bikini top on clearance and thought what the heck, for $5.98 I can make Kate's day. So I got it.

I got home and tried it on for the girls...you guys, they were so proud of me. They were so happy that I got it and were over the moon with excitement of how good it looked on me.

Ok, let me say this, it does NOT look good. Not by any stretch of the imagination. My stomach is loose and full of stretch marks. My butt and my thighs are full of cellulite and all manner of crazy. But to my girls, my sweet precious girls that are being raised in a society where unless you are air-brushed you are of no beauty, to them, I look beautiful.

Should I wear this bikini? No. No I should not. It goes against everything I stand for; all the way from caring what people think to my modesty, just all sorts of wrongness about it.

But you know what supersedes all those things? My babies.

As I've strived to keep them from struggling with the horrific sense of shame that I have struggled with, as I've done all that I know how to do to protect their sense of beauty, strength and dignity, I could crush that in a second if I told them "mommy just does not see what you girls see."

So yes, I will wear the $5.68 bikini top and call it good. I will not care what anyone thinks of this old gal wearing it; I will look at my stretch marks and remember why I have them in the first place. God gave me two special kids who, in spite of ALL my mothering failures, showed me today that they see beauty, strength and dignity in their mom. And to me, that's all the success I could ever hope for.

Salvation n stuff

My kids are quite the comedy show these days; Kate is nearly 10 and Lily just turned 6, so to see life through their lens is always a treat. Yesterday, we were talking about salvation and what guarantee's you a place in Heaven someday as it's been something Kate has been thinking about a lot lately. Kate confirmed that she has Jesus in her heart and asked Lily, in a big sister "Nacho Libre, I'm concerned about your salvation n stuff" sort of way, if Lily had Jesus in her heart. Lily scrunched her nose and said she didn't know, even though we have this conversation quite regularly! She then quickly recalled the time she was Four years old and I sat on her bed and we prayed. Phew, Kate was relieved her family would all be joining her in Heaven one day.

Lily said, "what about daddy?"

I did not say a word, I just wanted to see how the conversation would play out.

She says, "you know, I'm not so sure about daddy, he does have a knife in his office you know!"

It's a decorative sword he has displayed on a shelf, but she said she envisions her dad taking a break from studying in his office to pull out the knife and wield it around like a crazy person!

And he probably does do that.

I love conversations like that with my kids, conversations that challenge them to ponder the things of God and how it all works into this crazy life here on earth. I also loved that not one of the girls said "Daddy is a Pastor, of course he has Jesus in his heart." To my girls, he is simply "daddy." Sure the conversation then turned to the girls suggesting that daddy hold a summer camp that teaches people how to preach, of course, Joey loved hearing he is the best preacher. A knife wielding preacher, that is.

I love how simple salvation is. I love that the Bible says in Romans "that if you confess with your mouth, and believe in your heart, that you will be saved."

Yep, it is indeed that simple. That's why a person can be on their death bed, cry out to Jesus in the last flailing moments of life, and if a genuine belief rises in their heart, eternity in Heaven is their very next step. In the same token, this simplicity is why a young child can accept Jesus and grow up living a life that reflects that simple salvation.

It is simple. But it's not always easy. Why? Because you so desperately want to play with knives? Well, no. BUT, we have to believe. That's not always easy for us to do, is it. Because if we believe in someone then we have to actively put our trust in them. So when difficulty arises in our lives, it's very easy for dis-belief to set it in and we begin to question what we ever believed in to begin with.

When we face struggles and sin is standing at our door, we question if our belief is worth more than the feeling that sin will bring us.

When God does not answer our prayers according to our expectations, we wonder if what we believe in was ever true at all.

Oh these sentences pain me to even write but the reality of the feeling is so true for many.

When we go to Disneyland, my girls become enamored with all things make believe! It's all about Princess' and Castles and Characters and magical stuff right? Forget that someone is stuffed into a giant character head all sweaty and unable to breath well. Forget that once the park closes, the germs have to be cleaned out, the trash has to be emptied and reality comes alive once again.

It's so fun to believe, isn't it? To just see life through the eyes of a kid and simply believe. Let's do that today, shall we. Let's simply believe. Let's believe that God is who He says He is. Let's believe that we are made righteous through the blood of Jesus. Let's believe that we can conquer any mountain of difficulty that comes our way. Let's believe that if God is for us than nobody can be against us. Let's believe that Jesus loves us with an everlasting love that won't fade away nor will it be based on our performance. Let's simply accept His sweet salvation n stuff...

And probably don't play with knives. Otherwise my 6 year old will greatly question your salvation...

No Parking Baby!

Worry stinks. I worry a lot. And then if I'm not worrying, I worry that I'm forgetting something I should be worrying about. But I don't have issues AT ALL right? Maybe you can relate.

I love the Bible. I love the truth it holds, I love the promises that God offers to us as we follow His instructions, I truly truly do. But I have to say, one of the most read verses in God's infallible Word is one of the most difficult verses for me to follow.

Good old Philippians 4 says, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

The Bible talks a lot about worry; Jesus tells us in Matthew not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. But honestly, it's not worry about tomorrow that holds me, I'm pretty good with tomorrow. I can give God my fears of the future as He has walked with me many, many years to get me to a place of ability to do that. So it's not tomorrow that causes me worry, it's today. It's problems that loved ones face today. It's issues that friends face today. It's anything that I need to work through today. It's worry that rears its ugly head...today.

So I'll share something with you that God shared with me last night; I figure if God helped me with it, perhaps it can help someone else too.

Last night I had a conversation with my husband that got me thinking about this subject in a way I had not thought of it before; it really challenged me to take a look at what my worry was doing in a larger scope than I was seeing. Why does he always have to be right? Good thing he's handsome...

So anyhow, as I laid in bed I was pondering what we had talked about as the truth of the matter was slowly sinking in and I could feel freedom rising in my heart! You see, I had been worrying about a situation that I really can't control, as is most generally the case with worry isn't it? And as I was lying there I was talking to the Lord, as I do at night on my way to sleep. But I found myself saying the phrase of a song to Him: You are Great, you do miracles so great! And all of a sudden I felt God stop me and ask me this question: "Do you believe that?"

Well of course I do Lord, I absolutely know you can do miracles that are so great. Yes, yes I believe that.

"Then let Me do it."

Then let me do it. That was God's reply to my Spirit and boy that sure got my attention. As long as I'm worrying over a situation, I'm not giving God room to move in the situation. As long as I'm controlling the situation, attempting to fix it in my strength and power, I imagine God just waiting for me to finish doing what I think is best so that He can get involved and do what's really really the best.

So today I share this very personal thing with anyone that will read it because I know the obsessive thoughts that come with worry. I know what it's like to hold stuff in my mind so tightly, not giving God room to move and perform that great miracle that He is simply waiting to do. I know what worry feels like...that's why Philippians 4 is a scripture we need to do more than just read, we need to digest it, we need to rehearse it, we need to obsess over it.

It brings tears to my eyes right now to think of the goodness of God displayed in that scripture. That if I will not be anxious over ANYTHING, but if I will give my worry over to Him in prayer, thanking Him for the outcome and LEAVING the worry within that request, I'm guaranteed the peace of God to wash over every area of my own understanding...and then He goes above what I can comprehend. That's why He is the only one that truly can do miracles that are so great. If I could understand His ways, they would not be great.

So today, I'm not going to worry. I'm not going to be anxious. I'm going to take the issues and present them to God as a request for Him to intervene. I'm going to thank Him for the outcome. And then I'm going to leave it alone. I'm not going to give the worry a permanent parking place in my mind for today. I'm going to get out of the way and "let God do it." That old song comes to mind, "no parking baby, no parking on the dance floor." No parking! God's trying to dance in our situation, let's get worry out of the way...

I WANT ANSWERS!

I talk to myself, a lot. Out loud. In my car. It's just how I roll. And I talk to the Lord, a lot. Out loud. In my car. Again, it's how I roll. So the other day, I was worrying about something and contemplating what I know to be true about giving my worries to God. I know I need to give my worries to the Lord, I know that His Word assures me that if I cast my cares on Him that He will sort every last detail out. I know this. But sometimes my brain and my Spirit don't get along well, and my brain leads me one way while my Spirit reminds me what to do. Anyone?

So I found myself asking God a question out loud: "How do I give something over to you when I don't have the answer?"

Nothing.

Crickets.

Often when I ask God a question, He pretty quickly drops the answer in my heart. But not this time. I went about my day and oddly enough, the situation I was worrying about began to show signs of answers coming!

Fast forward to the next day, I was visiting my tiny little feisty Italian grandma in the hospital who, mind you, needed 5 nurses to get her back in her bed on account of her feistiness...I can't imagine where I get my sass from - but as I was there I saw a quote on the wall that about hit me upside the head!

"A bird doesn't sing because he has the answer, a bird sings because he has a song."

Boom and boom. There was my answer. Like Dory in "Finding Nemo," just keep singing. JUST KEEP SINGING. That is how I give my worry to God. I keep singing. Because, like the bird, I too have a song.

Psalm 40 says, He has put a new song in my mouth—Praise to our God; Many will see it and fear, And will trust in the Lord.

God put a song in my mouth already, and when I worry and fret over something I have no control over (which I am finding I don't have control over much which is very hard for this controlling personality. Sheesh. I might need 5 nurses to hold me down too if I can't control something quick. Anyone need their life planned for them? Can I put you on a budget, please? Shall I give you advice on your hair, clearly it needs to be bigger. Anyone?)

But as I allow anxiety to overwhelm me as I worry and contemplate things I can't control, and things I can control, for that matter, all I'm doing is silencing my song. God created me to sing. And what's so awesome about this whole gig God gave me is not only does He create me to sing, but He gives me the song to do it. As I open my mouth and begin to praise Him for what He has done, it's as if each word of praise that flows out of my mouth is a stepping stone to the answer I need!

I'm listening to birds sing right now. They don't have all the answers, they live for the moment. They don't know where their next meal will come from, but they keep singing. They don't know if their eggs will make it past the dangers that the outdoors bring, but they keep singing. They sing at night, they sing in the day, they just keep singing.

So today, as it's the day between Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday, keep singing. This is the day they waited for Glory to come. They waited to see what would happen. They waited in confusion, despair, hopelessness. But they waited. And oh boy did Glory come!

So as you wait today for the answers that you need, keep singing. Keep your hope fixed on the Glory that's coming and just.keep.singing.

Wanna hang out?

I love to read scripture in different translations often, it provides such insight and sometimes causes me to see a scripture in a way I'd never seen it. Take Ephesians 1:28-20 in the New Living Translation for example:

"I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance. 19 I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power 20 that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms."

I don't know about you, but I need to receive this pray that Paul prayed thousands of years ago! I need my heart flooded with light today, so that I can understand the confident hope that God has given to me. I needed to read that I am God's rich and glorious inheritance, how about you? I needed to be reminded of the incredible greatness of God's power that's available for me, how about you?

Are you facing a challenge today, perhaps a mountain you have been climbing for seemingly years and years with no true progress being made? You still feel like no matter how much you climb you keep seeing the same surroundings, nothing changes.

Allow this scripture to encourage you today as it does me; the incredible greatness of God's power is available to you! The incredible greatness of His power. His power does not stop short of anything. His power is not determined by your past, present or future. His power cannot be stopped by all the legions of Hell. His power does not need permission to operate.

But I believe before we can see God's incredible greatness of power displayed in our life, we have to accept the first part of the verse - we have to believe that we are His rich and glorious inheritance. Yes, I am. The mess of a person that I am, flawed in so many ways, I AM HIS RICH AND GLORIOUS INHERITANCE. That means God is looking forward to inheriting me in His Kingdom! Like a loving daddy waiting for his little girl to get home, God is waiting with baited breath to have me for all of eternity. Woah. That's a pretty heavy pill to swallow.

So the sooner I accept that truth, the sooner I'll welcome the incredible greatness of His power in ALL areas of my life. I have to first know that I'm His desire...if I don't accept that, I'll never fully accept His power in my life, because I won't think I'm deserving of it. But I am. And so are you.

So today, know that you are MORE than a conqueror - know that you are the head and not the tail - know that you are above and not beneath - know that you are destined for greatness - know that the mountain shall be moved - but most of all, know that you are His rich and glorious inheritance and God Almighty Himself can't wait to hang out with you...forever.

Playgrounds and straws.

So this morning, as I was rushing out of my car, I realized I forgot my purse in the back seat. As I reached to grab it, the straw from my drink quickly jammed up my nose. How do you like that for a Monday morning visual? Jammed. It hurt. I closed the car door as my eye flooded with tears! Only one eye though. Call me one-eyed Jen. Or don't. But man alive that hurt. So my Public Service Announcement for the day is this: when you have a drink in your hand, and find yourself in a rush, beware of the straw. It just might jam up your nose. Aaaaaaaand scene.

In other news, there's a super familiar scripture that God is highlighting for me today so I thought I'd share it. It's Philippians 4:8 and it goes a little something like this: "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

I've been going over this scripture with our 9 year old as we've been talking about training our minds to push out the negative thoughts; but it's not until yesterday that something jumped out at me, kinda like my straw did today.

Whatever is true. That's what hit me. Whatever is true. Now you would read that and automatically think it pertains to telling the truth, or not believing a lie...and while yes, I'm sure that's part of the intent of the scripture, I'm looking at it a little different today. With my right eye. On account of my straw debacle.

Have you ever spent time allowing your mind to wander in a daydream or a fantasy of sorts? You know what I mean, single gals, you daydream about meeting the right guy. You plan what he will look like, you plan out your entire first date, you plan out what you will wear (and always in your daydream you are at least 15 pounds lighter and you have impeccable hair.)

Or maybe you fantasize about a dream job you so desperately want and so you envision every detail about getting the job and what you will do with the extra income and how you will dress (see, it always goes to our looks right) and different details surrounding that.

Perhaps there's a hard conversation that needs to take place between you and someone else, and so you play up the conversation in your mind, blowing it way out of proportion, in turn keeping you from having the conversation for fear of it going the way you've imagined.

Maybe you dream about the call God has on your life, but you let your own spin on that call get in the way and so you begin to daydream about what you *think* God would have you do. Sure, it's God centered, you want to serve Him and you are ready to answer His call, but you plan the entire road leading to that call, fixing all the details that God is surely to leave out...

Anyone? Perhaps I'm speaking to myself here. My mind can be consumed, and I mean consumed with stuff that's not currently true. I'll daydream that I have unlimited funds to re-decorate my house (I absolutely love home decor and study it often) and I'll spend hours in my head doing just that, re-designing my home from front to back. Now is that necessarily wrong? No, probably not. The love for decor was given to me by God, I believe that. But do I need to waste precious mind space re-designing my house with my imaginary thousands? Probably not.

Or perhaps you're like me and spend way too much time analyzing conversations, did I say this right, did I do this right. Should I have said this, should I have not said this. Should I jam a straw up my nose again?

Our imaginary list can go on and on until we are blue in the face, at least mine can. Listen, our minds as women can be playgrounds. We ladies have the ability to allow our minds to run wild with imagination! Why do you think Soap Operas and Fantasy Novels are such a hit among women? Because we are emotional beings, created with such an intensity inside of us, an intensity longing for purpose. God made us to be emotional, there is nothing wrong with it, but if we are not careful, what we do with our emotion has the ability to leave us longing for more in the playground of our mind.

When we over indulge with our imagination, we forego allowing God to do what He aims to do in our lives. When we daydream about a particular thing, it becomes so commonplace in our minds, that we remove the ability to be excited about the new stuff God does. Does that make sense? For example, God has called us to this exciting and phenomenal life right? He has so many twists and turns that He longs to take us on as we journey through this vapor called life. However, when we allow our imagination to overtake us, we put God in the box of our limited imagination. So when God moves in our life, we don't know how to adjust to His moving if it's not within the parameters of how we expected Him to move.

Whatever things are true.

If anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. Take some time to think about God's goodness. Thank Him that He didn't give you what you imagined Him giving you! I sure do that. I'm thankful God didn't fulfill things I daydreamed about years ago; in fact, He went above and beyond anything I could ever hope, dream or imagine for. He's good like that. Has God done anything excellent for you lately? Think about that! Has He done anything you can praise Him for? Oh I'm sure He has! Think about that. I find myself thanking God often for the simple things we take for granted. I'll thank Him for running water. I'll thank Him for heat, for food, for clothes. Or get a little more intense with your thanks and ponder your redemption. Think about His mercy to lift us out of the miry clay. Think about His great love for you and for me. Think about those things...

When we really accept the challenge given to us in this scripture, we ultimately leave room for God to move on a level that's not limited by our imagination. When we literally think about the things we're being encouraged to think about in Philippians 4:8, then God is able to speak to us in His sweet and precious voice and we are able to hear it. Why? Because our minds are not cluttered, they are not full of worry or over analyzation or wishful thinking.

My challenge to you and ultimately to myself is this, if it's not happening right now in our lives, don't waste precious mind space over it. Sure its ok to dream, of course! God wants us to live in a place of expectancy for our direction. He gave us our imagination so that we would have the ability to run with the dreams that He puts in our hearts. But the danger of the playground is this: when we allow our imagination to camp in a place God is not intending it to camp, we quickly deaden our spiritual senses. There. That's really all I needed to say I guess! Don't park your mind on something that's not true. And be careful of straws. Aaaaaaaaand scene.

Join the Club!

The devil is slimy. I know it's not proper punctuation to write his name with a lowercase d, but it's always bugged me to capitalize it! He does not deserve it. So lowercase d it is.

That old filthy serpent likes to do all he can to throw us off the intended path that God has for us; anything he can do to sidetrack us, he will do. And it does not always appear to be him, often times our distractions are so subtle, happening over time, that before you know it, you find yourself in a place you never intended to be - moving further away from where God has called you to be - or shying away from using the gifts that God has given you to use - or worst of all, doubting that God loves you. The devil will even work through well meaning people to thwart you; remember the scripture that says "we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities..." So rest assured, when you are discouraged by a person, either their actions or what have you, you gotta know that it's not them, it's the principality working behind them. Sure, they could have bad intentions toward you and actually be glad at your demise. Run from those people. But then there are times when the devil will even use someone you would never, ever expect!

I'll give you an example.

I have different women that I like to follow on Instagram and such, women that inspire me to reach to a higher level in my walk with Christ. I love to see what they are doing, be it a Conference they are speaking at or just a random picture or perhaps sharing an encouraging thought. I learn a lot from ladies that I'll never have the chance to know, but thanks to social media, I can feel like I do.

Well, without even realizing the subtle move of the devil, I found myself having the following thought in my head one day after seeing something posted by one of these amazing women: "you are nothing in the Kingdom of God."

Now, I know that's not true. My heart absolutely knows that God has a call on my life and I believe I'm currently doing my best to live that call out to the fullest. But that's the subtle way the devil moves...after that thought came in my mind, I didn't reject it. I didn't rebuke the devil, I didn't encourage myself in the Lord, as I should have. No. I let the thought stay. I didn't meditate on it or anything, but I didn't disregard it either.

And so it sits. And grows. Until, like mold grows on a rotting object, other negative thoughts begin to spring board off the initial thought, and you find yourself in a very negative thought pattern. All lies. All things that go against what the Word of God says about you! Oh he is subtle. That filthy devil.

Thank God for His great mercy, His great kindness, His great love - that while the devil works his subtle moves, God comes in at just the right time with His might and His power and peels back the veil, allowing you for a moment to actually see the subtly in action! Thank you Jesus for your flashlight.

Mine came on Wednesday night at church. Joey said something that absolutely stuck in my heart, revealing to me the subtly of satan that I've allowed to settle in my heart. He said, "It's my faithfulness that makes me important to God." The whole Word that Joey shared that night encouraged me to the fullest, well, minus his embarrassing comment that may or may not have referred to, um...never mind.

My faithfulness is what makes me important to God. Now of course we know that we have to do nothing to be important to Him, we already are important as His Children, we know that. But this particular statement was just what I needed to have highlighted to me that night, my faithfulness is what matters! It does not matter that I'm not out doing what women I admire are doing, I'm doing what God has me doing, and I'm trying to do it with all the faithfulness I possibly can. I can't walk the walk that other women are walking, I don't have the grace for their walk. I can't imagine the struggles they face and obstacles and challenges that come against them as they strive towards the call God has on their life, I can only live out my call. And my call is great in the Kingdom of God. And so is yours.

So today, let me leave you with a scripture that encouraged me this morning and brings tears to my eyes right now:

1 Peter 2:9-10 says, "But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light. 10 “Once you had no identity as a people; now you are God’s people. Once you received no mercy; now you have received God’s mercy.”

So much in this to grab hold of for your life today, and for mine. But I love "Once you had no identity as a people, now you are God's people."

There ya go. Once upon a time, that subtle thought that ran through my head was true, I was nothing in the Kingdom of God. Because I didn't know Jesus, and I didn't know the Kingdom I was missing out on. But ever since the crazy age of 14 years old when I accepted Christ, I've been something in the Kingdom of God! I may be a work in progress, I may miss the mark a lot, a whole lot - I may not be anywhere near I should be or will be, but one thing is for sure, He called me out of darkness into His wonderful light! Oh man!! Little old me. He called me. And He has gifted me. And yes, I am something in the Kingdom of God. I'm a whole lot of something. And so are you.

So no matter where you are in life today, if Jesus is Lord of your heart and soul, then rest in the fact that you absolutely do matter in God's great Kingdom! You have something to do for Him, something that God has tailor made just for you to do. Feel insignificant? Join the club. Feel incapable? Join the club. It's a great club to belong to though. It's a club full of people that God says He chose! It's a club full of people that are royal, that are holy, that belong to God. I'm down with this club. Join me, will ya?

A 5 year old Sargent

You ever need a little motivation to do something that you really don't want to do? If so, you can borrow my 5 year old, she's good for it.

Yesterday, I was talking out loud (something I do ALL the time...) and Lily chimed in with her response to said out loud talking. I was saying how I just did not feel like getting on the treadmill, I wasn't sure that I had the energy to knock it out. She said, "yes you do, you just have to believe in yourself!"

Well, with a challenge like that from a mini person, what else can you do but tackle the thing you really don't want to do. So it was off to the treadmill I went.

I thought I'd share my motivating 5 year old with you all today; "YES YOU CAN! YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!" Whatever you are facing today, know that you CAN do it.

1 John 5:4 says, "For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith."

Did you know that you are an overcomer? I forget that. A lot. I'm an overcomer. I'm born of God, I'm made in the image of the creator of this entire universe. He created everything from the Sun, Moon & Stars down to the gnats that drive me absolutely insane. He took such phenomenal detail in everything that He created, so surely He would not do any less when it came to breathing life into little old me. I am born of God. So I'm an overcomer. And so are you.

Whatever difficulty lies in your path today is but a mere vapor in the scheme of this grand existence. And friends, your existence is indeed just that, it's grand. There is something so wonderful for you to do; and could it be that the difficulty in your path is simply the stepping stone to that wonderful grandiosity you have been called to? God's good like that, He takes the hardships that we face and puts a "God Spin" on it, turning it into something good. Something grand.

You can do it. You just have to believe in yourself.

If God can breath life into trees, flowers, animals and at His best humans (although perhaps we'd debate this one, depending on the day we've had,) then we must know that He has given us the tools we need to succeed through the trial. He gave every animal the tools needed to survive, what's different with us? He has given every plant, every flower, the soil, the water, the "tools" needed for them to survive, what's different with us? He says in His Word that He cares for the sparrow, HOW MUCH MORE FOR US!

If animals rely on instinct to succeed, why can't we simply rely on our faithful Creator to give us all things for success? I'll tell ya why, we don't believe. We don't believe we are worth it. We don't believe that we are over comers. We don't think we can conquer that problem because it's just plain too big for us to handle. And so we cower back and let the problem determine our outcome. Uh-oh, there it is. We let the problem determine our destiny. We cave like a cheap deck of cards, throwing in the towel before it ever had a chance to get dirty.

You can do it. You just have to believe in yourself!

The scripture says if you are born of God, you are an over comer. Period. It does not list conditions to meet prior to success being yours; no. if you love Him, you are already an over comer. Why? It's part 2 of the scripture, "the victory that's overcome the world, our faith." There it is, faith. Believe! Simply believe. Believe that you're an overcomer, and you will be. Once you believe that with all your heart and soul, nothing can stop you from conquering that problem! There's nothing quite like going into a battle with the confidence that you've already won!

While I was running on said treadmill I was avoiding, Lily looked at me and said, no, she actually hollered, "RUN LIKE YA MEAN IT!" Apparently I was not running to my maximum capacity, sheesh kid, give a lady a break, I AM your mother after all!

So, if you need a Drill Sargent, I mean, if you need encouragement, take it from Lily. You can do it, believe in yourself and don't forget the last part - run like ya mean it. Whatever you do, do it with all your heart. After all, you already have overcome simply by your birthright.

Now excuse me while I find Lily a whistle...

Just keep singing!

My oldest daughter is 9, she'll be turning 10 in August; I will have a kid in the double digit age! Yikes. She is such a sweet girl, full of personality too, she seriously makes us laugh. That being said, her humor apparently only goes so far as she is embarrassed of my antics! I like to sing, a lot. Now I may not sing good, but I love to sing. I sing proper songs but I also sing random, made up songs. And don't get me started on Disney. I lose all inhibition when Joei Kate starts to play the "Frozen" soundtrack. On my bucket list is to be a voice over in a Disney film so I can't be held responsible for what happens when I hear music from a Disney film, it's just in me. Sorry kid.

Well, I often like to perform said antics when dropping the girls off at school, purely to harass my pre-tween daughter. I know, it sounds mean, and I stop quickly but I have to at least get a song out, or a random dance, just to see her pull me close and pretend to have something important to tell me for fear that I'll continue.

So this morning I was dropping her off at school and I began to process a great analogy the Lord gave me! Which, apparently that embarrasses her too! Sheesh, I can't win with this kid. But nonetheless, the Lord gave me a thought as we walked in the courtyard of her school. It was really foggy this morning; they do flag salute outside so Joei Kate said, "I bet we won't do flag salute outside since we can't see it!" To which I replied, "You'll be able to see it as you get closer, that's how it is in the fog. You can't see the object from a distance, but as you get closer, it becomes clearer."

As I sit down and begin to process this thought, the scripture in 1 Corinthians 13:12 comes to mind: "Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely."

Another translation says, "Now we see things dimly," and that's a great way to think of this life as well. We see things dimly, we see things imperfectly, every.single.day.

I like to know what's ahead, don't you? I like to know how that problem will be solved, I like to know what's going to happen for my loved ones future, I want to know exactly how point A is going to get to point B. In other words, I don't like the fog. I don't like to aim towards something I can't see! It's un-settling, it's frightening at times, and it can be downright scary.

But as we go through life, and different situations rise up that test our trust, if we really look carefully, we notice that as we move towards the situation, clarity is available for the moment. We may not see far ahead, we may even have .01 visibility, but there will be something. There will be something we can cling to, even if but for a moment. The saying "there's always a silver lining," bares witness. There is always something you can pull from your foggy situation, always. It may be the tiniest of tiny's but there has to be a tad visibility. As we move forward in faith, often times in blind faith, our current surroundings become clear. And as you move to the next step, and then the next step, and then the next, you will notice clarity that comes along with each movement. You may not see your object yet, you may not be able to zero in on exactly what lies ahead, but as you keep walking, you can trust that God will highlight your next step. And then the next, and then the next.

I love the scripture I just read; "all that I know now is partial and incomplete, but THEN I will know everything completely." Won't that be such an awesome day? When we know everything completely. Oh my goodness how I long for that. But for now, I'll keep stepping, I'll keep moving forward, I'll keep looking for the visibility that God would grant me, and you can bet I'll keep singing. After all, it's in me.

We don't say that word.

Shut-up. We don't say that word in our house, nor anywhere else for that matter. I just don't like the word so of course I teach my kids not to say it. However, there's a time and a place for it to be used. There is? Yes. Stay tuned.

Do ever just need a good dose of peace? I do. My mind can over run me to the point of exhaustion! I'll find myself worrying about people, or situations or things that I'd like fixed immediately rather than wait; only to eventually land at the same conclusion: I still have no control over any of it. I wonder if you can relate?

I love Isaiah 41:10, it's super familiar and we hear it quoted often at church, but today, I'm focusing on one word, "dismayed."

"Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

Be not dismayed.

Now, I love this scripture for more reasons than the word "dismayed," but that word stuck out at me just now as I read it. What's funny is that earlier in the week, I read this scripture and my heart was drawn towards God holding us with His righteous right hand. I love how scripture does that, God lights up just what He wants you to read at that moment. It's truly His living Word.

Be not dismayed.

The definition of dismay is this: "To cause someone to be worried, disappointed or upset." Or how about this doozy, "To lose courage."

I've studied the topic of fear quite a lot over the years, as it's an area that used to hold me pretty tight. Fearing the things that could go wrong; fearing the "what if's" that our lives might bring. And because of time spent in the Word about the topic of fear, I can pretty easily give the "what if's" over to God. I realize I have no control over the future, and I know that I know that I know, that should something come up that seems unmanageable for me, I know that God would see me through the situation. I'm good with the start of the verse, "Fear not." I'm totally cool with that, I can rest there. I'm not afraid of the future because I do indeed know that God is with me. Fear not, He is with me. I'm there.

Be not dismayed.

Don't worry? Don't be disappointed? Don't be upset? Don't lose courage?

I can't be alone on this one, can I? We can all fill in the blank to this one: "I am dismayed over _______." That person you are constantly worrying about, be it a friend, a family member, a son or daughter, a spouse. That financial difficulty looming over your head. The health struggle perhaps you are currently facing; maybe you are trying to get your weight to a healthier place and the task is so daunting that it's far easier to "lose courage" then to keep fighting. Perhaps the dream that you know without a shadow of a doubt was birthed by God is nowhere near on the horizon and you are beyond disappointed, doubting you even heard God.

Be not dismayed, for I am your God.

If we could get but a glimpse of the power that lies behind that statement, "for I am your God," we would not have room to be dismayed. If we only knew the wonder working power, I mean really really really knew His power, when something began to overwhelm us, we would simply say to our minds the word we Steelman's don't say: "SHUT-UP!" Just shut up!

SHUT UP!

I will not be dismayed, because God is with me. I will not be worried, because my Father owns the cattle on a thousand Hills, He has exactly what I need and He knows exactly how to get it to me. I will not be disappointed because I serve a sovereign God that knows the end from the beginning; He knows the right path I should be on so I'll simply follow His lead and I'll not see closed doors as disappointing but rather as God's sovereign hand moving in my life! I will not be upset over things I cannot control because my Father has solved more problems for me than I can even count, whatever I'm facing today is nothing to His mighty hand! And the last part of our definition is a powerful one: I will not lose courage! I will not lose courage because my Bible says that, "If God be for me, who can be against me?" Whatever problem I'm trying to whip today is not bigger than the power of Almighty God! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

Read our verse once more and let it sink in your heart: Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

He promises to strengthen us through it all...whatever is causing you to be dismayed today, know that God will give you the strength to get through it. He promises to help us, and whats more, He promises to hold us up with His righteous right hand. And what's in His hand is far more powerful than what could ever be in mine. So when it comes to the worry, to having disappointment, to being upset and to losing courage, I'll take what's in His hand. Besides, I can't control it anyway. So in a nicer term I'll end with this:

Dear mind, HUSH UP!

Chapter Four: Welcome the Scar

Chapter Four: Welcome the scar

I remember the evening I sat in church staring at the back of a man’s head. It was not just any man; it was the man that would eventually become my husband! However, my first encounter with him was indeed, staring at the back of his head. He had shaved all of his hair off at that point so I noticed a scar that he had. I now know what it came from, but then, I had no idea what caused it. Only that I was curious. And most definitely wanted to know more. Not that I had any ulterior motives or anything for getting to know him. Not that I baked him cookies in an effort to win his affection or anything. Not that I stalked his house night and day or anything. I would never do that…

Scars are funny little things aren’t they? The initial blow to your skin that causes an open wound is generally very painful that in the moment you are not thinking to yourself, “oh gee I can’t wait for this to scar over.” No, you are usually screaming or crying or if you’re a tough cat you are holding it in, or you are simply looking for a way to stop the pain.

I recall the day my mom finally got the courage up to leave my dad, once and for all. We had left him numerous times in the past, but this time, I knew it was different. In the past, we had left when he was passed out, usually creeping over his sleeping body. It’s not easy to sneak four kids, one of whom was a newborn, out of the house, but my mother managed to do it on more than one occasion. For whatever reason though, my dad would always woo her back with his empty promises of a life that would change.

This time was different though. He was not passed out. We were not tip-toing around his limp body in fear of what might happen if he woke up. We were not rushing to the car to escape to a relative’s house yet again. No, we were at home. And Jimmy was there.

For much of my life I have refereed to my father as Jimmy. When talking to anyone about him, I never liked to call him dad. Because he was not my dad. A dad does not do the things to their children that he did to us.

But somewhere along the way, as I grew older in my walk with the Lord, my heart softened. Honestly, I have not called him Jimmy in years. I have to wonder if the reason I did that to begin with was out of fresh pain. When a wound is initially gained on a person, it hurts! So we do all that we can to stop the hurt. We try to apply pressure, we use band-aids, and we seek medical attention. And amidst all of that, if we are in extreme pain, we will say and do things that are not within the confines of our normal character.

If that’s how it goes when we find ourselves in physical pain, we have to assume it’s the same for emotional pain. We all, at one point or another, will come to a place of emotional trauma, leaving us frantically wandering around in an attempt to do all we can to stop the pain.

Often times we make choices out of that pain that incidentally cause us more harm than they do good. We choose to get involved in wrong relationships; all the while knowing the person is toxic for our well-being. Or we numb ourselves with drugs or alcohol, risking so much for a momentary peace. Perhaps we lose all hope that anything good will ever happen to us and so we give up.

Friends, I beg you to hear this: if we give up in the midst of the pain, we forsake the opportunity for the scar.

Now yes, a scar is not attractive by any means. I have a huge scar on my knee that my grandpa wanted to have removed when he paid for me to go into modeling school. Yes, you read that right. The girl that felt ugly since Kindergarten went to modeling school as a pre-teen. You can imagine how that went…

Anyhow, scars are unsightly. Most people don’t think to themselves “oh my how I’d love a scar, it’s so beautiful.” In fact, people get them removed. But think about it like this, a scar is beautiful to the person that endured the original pain. Because they remember how much it hurt.

A scar is ugly? Tell that to the woman who endured a mastectomy and yet has went on to conquer cancer through taking the necessary treatments. Sure she endured tremendous difficulty with it, but as she stares at herself in the mirror, that scar reminds her of the champion she has become.

A scar is ugly? Tell that to the man that bravely fought in Vietnam. He risked his life to preserve the honor of this great nation and in so doing lost both of his legs. As he stares in the mirror at the scars on his body, he stares in the face of a hero.

A scar is ugly? Tell that to the single mother, doing her best to raise her kids. She decides to leave the abusive man that has left numerous physical wounds on her face. As she stares in the mirror at the damage he has done, she stares into the face of a brave woman.

A scar is ugly? Tell that to the young woman, abused and rejected by her father. Forced to grow up far too early, helping to raise her siblings. The pain inside of her heart is unbearable. Until she meets Jesus. And He begins to walk her through healing…it’s long, it’s hard, it’s at times painful. But slowly, over time, forgiveness begins to win the game, the pain begins to subside. And before she knows it, she stares into the mirror, and she see’s me.

We remember the pain. So we welcome the scar.

As I stood on the worn red brick that surrounded our fireplace, my siblings all lined up next to me, my seven year old heart was nowhere near the scarring point. In fact, what took place next is a wound that took years and years to scar.

My mom had finally done it, she finally made up her mind that she had taken all could take. This was it, she was divorcing my dad, not that I even fully knew what that meant. I did however know this, this was different; we were not sneaking out, we were not afraid, we didn’t have to be quiet…except we were. I recall my dad kneeling down in front of us, trying his best to say goodbye. As he stood there in a white t-shirt, the only thing I actually focused on him saying was “you’re mom is making me leave.” Everything after that was a blur. It was a blur because I was trying my hardest not to cry. I wanted to cry. I desperately wanted to cry. I had a lump in my throat that was so painful, you know the familiar feeling you get when you know you need to release the emotion that your neck actually hurts? I felt that. But my seven year old wounded heart was not about to give that man the satisfaction of seeing me cry. It was all I could do to keep that emotion inside. But I did it. And in that moment, I was proud that I did. He did not deserve to see me cry. After all, it was his fault.

Even still, there is something so deep in a little girls heart that longs to be able to share emotion with her father. But thus began many years of keeping my emotions bottled up inside, not willing to share them with anyone. Just in case they too choose to reject me, as my father did.

I’m so thankful for scars. That pain has scarred over now, and if you sit with me for more than ten consecutive seconds you are liable to see my emotion! There’s no holding the floodgates back anymore. I probably need to work on that actually! But it’s me. I cry. I laugh. I get mad. Then I cry some more. I’m just wired that way. I stuffed all those feelings down for far too much of my life so lookout folks, the Jen you get now may be a little overboard with emotion, but I can’t help it. I blame the scars. And then I thank them.

Short legged cows?

I can be bribed. Pretty easily in fact. It has not happened often, someone bribing me that is, but yes, I can be bought. Paid off. Bribed. Persuaded. If my husband wanted to buy something for himself that he did not necessarily "need", he could buy me off with a shopping trip or flowers, or much easier, dessert. (No joke, I just checked my email after I wrote this and he sent me a link to something he needs me to order for him. Folks, I can't make this stuff up. He better get me flowers. Or chocolate. Or both.)He knows how to persuade me, that rascal! Now I don't make this public knowledge, on account of me being labeled an easy target and what not, but if you want something, just throw a cake my way and it's about as good as done. I can be persuaded.

And so can you.

We all come to different crossroads in our lives that cause us to throw the towel down on one side or the other. What do we believe and why? How far are we willing to go to defend that belief? How do I raise my kids? What kind of marriage will I have? Where will I spend my money? What will I take a stand for?

Persuaded. What will persuade me? What will persuade you?

Persuaded defined is: "to cause someone to believe in something."

I can be gullible. I remember a time when I was driving through England with my Aunt and Uncle and I took notice of the cows on the vast hillside. I recall being amazed at how they stood so well on a sloping hill! My Uncle told me that those particular cows were born with shorter legs on one side so as to stand without falling on the slant. I believed him. No really, I did. What's wrong with me you ask? I don't know. I guess I take the whole "blonde" thing a tad too far but yes, I have been persuaded to believe some pretty bizarre things over the years! What can I say, I want to believe people! Luckily I've gotten a little wiser in my, ahem, old age, but if your counting, I'm easily bribed AND gullible.

In the book of Acts Paul is sharing with some folks about Jesus. Acts 28:24 says some extremely powerful words, "And some were persuaded by the things which were spoken, and some disbelieved."

When I hear people speak about Jesus, it's not hard for me to be persuaded. I love Him. He has done so much in my life. It sounds cliche to say that so simply but it's true. I'm so so so so persuaded that He loves me. The Holy Spirit moves upon my heart so often when I hear preaching, or when I'm reading His Word or a great Christian book, or when worship music plays, or when I'm having a God centered conversation, my heart just leaps with persuasion!

But some disbelieved. Why? Why did they not believe? Were they too hardened by the things of this world that anything so great and so good and yet so simple was something unfathomable? Oh it's not. It's so so real.

You first have to be persuaded that He loves you. That you are the most precious, most valuable, most prized creation there ever was. That He loves you with a ridiculous kind of love. That He longs to just be with you, to hang out with you, to walk with you. Persuasion must start there.

And from there, you have to know that He delights to get you the desires of your heart. It's in Psalms 37:4, He absolutely wants to get you what you need and what you desire. Be persuaded in that.

Then, one of my absolute favorite verses that I first memorized in Bible College is found in Romans. It's a scripture about the faith of Abraham, who, being very much up there in age was not about to give up on a promise that God had made him. It says in Romans 4:20-21 20 "Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised."

That's where we need to land as believers in Christ, persuaded. FULLY persuaded in fact. That there may be no shadow of a doubt in our minds that absolutely God has the power to do what He has promised. Hmmm. Think about that for a moment: "fully persuaded that God had the power to do what He had promised." It does not say, "God will do what He promised." But it says, "God has the power to do what He had promised."

Your dream may not come to pass when you want it to. Your hearts desire may be on hold, for whatever reason, but the moment you move your peg away from the persuaded, you then lie in a scary and dangerous place, on the side that disbelieves. God has the power to do what He has promised you. That does not necessarily mean that the promise will look like what you think it will look like. God does not operate according to what we think it should be, He moves according to His will. Remember the scripture in Isaiah that says, "God's ways are not our ways, nor are His thoughts our thoughts." We can't hold fast to the Promise, we have to hold fast to the Power. And that power is Jesus. That's the connection, that's the source. We have to be fully persuaded that God has the power to do all that He says He will do! End of story. Our focus cannot lie on the promise. If we are "promise focused," what will we do when the promise tarries? What will we do when we don't see the answer in sight? What will we do when our road seems to be going backwards, farther away from the promise? I'll tell you what we will do, we will doubt. We will not believe. We will no longer be persuaded.

But if we stay on the side that says come hell or high water, I AM GOING TO BELIEVE GOD NO MATTER WHAT BECAUSE HE HAS POWER TO DO ALL HE SAYS HE WOULD DO, then we stay fully persuaded and can't nothing, NO-thing, no body, no issue, no setback, no pause in life, no worry, NOTHING can separate us from the love of God that's in Christ Jesus because we are FULLY PERSUADED!!!

I may be easily bribed, and yes, I may be gullible at times, but one thing is for sure, I know what side of the road I stand on. I'm fully persuaded. How about you?

Now excuse me while I go order my husband some random thing he needs. I mean wants. And perhaps I'll order myself my own little bribe while I'm at it. After all, I'm fully persuaded.