The battle in the Garden

My husband recently shared a thought he had re: the time Jesus spent in the Garden of Gethsemane, the night He would be arrested; and the thought still has stuck with me to this day. Which is a shocker because I'm notorious for having a short term memory. Ask me what I wore in kindergarten and I can tell you in great detail but what did I say last Sunday at church? Couldn't tell ya.

Joey (that would be my handsome husband) said that he thinks the time Jesus experienced in the garden was far more difficult for Jesus to endure than the actual journey to the cross. The reason being, that the Bible notes an Angel came to strengthen Jesus in the garden, however there is no mention of that during Jesus' time on the cross.

That makes so much sense to me. The victory, in my opinion, was won in the Garden. In that moment, as Jesus is praying to God, He is asking God to take the cup from Him, if it is possible. But then of course He says 'not my will, but yours be done.'

All Heaven must have stood still in that moment, awaiting what God would do. Would the pain be too much for God to handle, unable to watch His Son in extreme sorrow, knowing what lay ahead for Him on the cross? Would God indeed take the cup and just call Jesus home? What would happen to us, man kind, if He altered the plan right then and there. He is God, He certainly could have done that.

But instead, He sent an Angel to strengthen His Son. Knowing it had to be done, a sacrifice had to be offered. And not just any sacrifice would do...

This Children's Bible has been blessing our socks off this week. There is a portion that describes what happened to Jesus in the Garden that is just so powerful:

'"Papa! Father!" Jesus cried. And He fell to the ground. "Is there any other way to get your children back? To heal their hearts? To get rid of the poison?" But Jesus knew - there was no other way. All the poison of sin was going to have to go into His own heart. God was going to pour into Jesus' heart all the sadness and brokenness in people's hearts. He was going to pour into Jesus' body all the sickness in people's bodies. God was going to have to blame His Son for everything that had gone wrong. It would crush Jesus.'

Wow. Now if that does not clearly explain Gethsemane, I don't know what does. Can you even imagine what Jesus felt like? Can you even imagine?

I know times when I have felt overwhelmed with my own self, analyzing things and over thinking everything...then I think of my sin, then I can look back at the times I've been broken, rejected, hurt & betrayed. I can think of times that I have fought sickness. I can vividly recall feelings of insecurity and of shame. But for me, those things have taken place throughout my entire existence, not all at once. Had I been overwhelmed with everthing all at once, I don't think I'd be alive. Nor would you.

So here is Jesus, with every single thing I've faced, stinging His heart. But what you can't wrap your head around, is that every single thing you have faced is stinging His heart as well. And every thing any human that has graced this planet or will grace this planet, stinging...

And so He is overwhelmed...He says in Matthew 26, "My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death." He felt He could die, right there in the Garden. And we can understand why.

So it leads me to think again of Joey's thought, the battle was the hardest in the Garden. Because once He left the Garden, He had a resolve. He had asked His Father to take the cup, but He did not. Instead, Jesus was given strength in that moment. And I believe, it's the strength that carried Him the rest of the way.

Sometimes God does not take the problem from us, no matter how strong our faith is. But instead, He strengthens us for the duration of the journey through that difficulty. We know why God did not take the cup from Jesus, because He loved us, and it was the only way for us to be with Him for eternity. Jesus did not question God in the Garden. He accepted His will. I, for one, am so glad He did. Sunday's a comin.

The love of a friend

Maundy Thursday. Holy Thursday. The Thursday before Easter that we remember the Passover supper, the last meal that Jesus had with his disciples before being crucified. I can't fully wrap my head around such a meal; there are so many intricate details that go into a Passover meal that an in depth study of it would be extremely fascinating. Let's not forget that Jesus Himself was Jewish, therefore He held to Jewish tradition when it came to such things. The meaning behind the customs and traditions are so interesting.

But tonight, my heart feels overwhelmed at the thought of this last supper, not too mention the events about to unfold at the Mt. of Olives. I imagine a Jesus, unable to really eat during supper, being fully human and yet fully God, but feeling extremely heavy. The fullness of what He was about to experience has not even hit Him yet, as the Garden experience still lies ahead. But here He is at the Passover meal, attempting to break the news to His followers, His disciples, his companions, His friends.

He loved the disciples. Imagine how close He felt to them, having experienced such tremendous joy over the course of the short ministry that had taken place up to this point. The joy of healing people, the joy of seeing people set free from demonic possession, the joy of seeing a life restored, the joy of re-birth coming over people; all the joys shared amongst the group only drew them that much closer. Jesus loved them dearly. In fact, I love how Jesus prays to God for them in John 17. He says, "while I was with them in the world, I kept them in your name." Meaning He protected them, He provided for them, He took close watch of them...He kept them. I love that.

Imagine the scene for a moment, if you will. Picture it happening to you. You are surrounded by a group of people that you dearly love; a group of people that have not left your side since you stepped out and began what God had called you to do. A people that look to you for every answer, every worry, every hope and every dream. And now imagine that you have to tell them that this is the last time you will eat with them here on this earth. You have to tell them, in fact, that you are going to die. Can you even for one second feel what the disciples were feeling? Can you allow yourself to feel the despair and confusion that must have overwhelmed all those in attendance that night? And Jesus. He loves them. He knows this news is shattering their very core and yet He knows it is essential to God's plan of redemption for their very souls, the very souls He has grown to love and feels the need to pray for in John 17. (It's great to note that Jesus prays for us as well in John 17, He prays for all those that would believe. Pretty cool.)

I read something tonight that just brought this meal to a different light for me. We have the best Children's Bible I've ever read, in my humble opinion of course! It just seems that every story brings scripture to light in such a way that it blesses me each time I read it with the girls. Tonight was no exception & I want to share this portion regarding the last supper:

Then Jesus picked up some bread and broke it. He gave it to His friends. He picked up a cup of wine and thanked God for it. He poured it out and shared it.

"My body is like this bread. It will break," Jesus told them. "This cup of wine is like my blood. It will pour out. But this is how God will rescue the whole world. My life will break and God's broken world will mend. My heart will tear apart - and your hearts will heal. Just as the passover lamb died, so now I will die instead of you. My blood will wash away all of your sins. And you'll be clean on the inside - in your hearts. So whenever you eat and drink, remember," Jesus said, "I've rescued you."

Jesus knew it was nearly time for him to leave the world and go back to God. "I won't be with you long," He said. "You are going to be very sad. But God's helper will come. And then you'll be filled up with a forever happiness that won't ever leave. So don't be afraid. You are my friends and I love you."

I just love that. I love the picture it paints. He loved His friends. He loved us. And so He left us with a ceremonial way to remember Him, communion.

Love caused Him to do that. Love for His Father. Love for His friends. Love for you. And love for me.

On this Thursday before Easter, may that love overwhelm us...there is nothing like the love of a friend. Jesus is my friend. And I guess there is plenty of Him to go around for you too ;)

Living a Crucified life?

Galatians 2:20-21 says, "My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 21 I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die."

What does that actually mean? To be crucified with Christ? My old self, what is "my old self" anyway? Because sometimes I still feel like my same self, with all my negative talk/thoughts/actions. So how do I crucify myself with Christ? How? How.

Jesus could have come down off the cross if He had so chose too. He easily could have called the whole thing off. A shout, heck even a whisper would have been all it would have took for legions of Angels to surround Jesus and pull Him down. Nobody forced Him to stay there, not the Romans, the heckling of the people, and no, not even the nails. After all, He held within Himself the very power of God. NOTHING could keep Him on that cross. Not one thing. Well, that's not entirely true, because in actuality it was ONLY one thing that kept Him there, LOVE.

John 3:16, a famous and yet so powerful verse, "For God so loved the World..." And that's why He stayed. He loved us. He loved me, in spite of me. He loved me before I was even a flutter in my mother's tummy. He loved me, with full knowledge that I would have days entrenched in "my old self." Regardless of me, He still loved me. Wow! The un-conditional love displayed at Calvary is the very reason that I strive to be crucified with Christ, daily. He already died the death necessary for my sins; the sacrifice has been made - all the sin, all the hurt, all the bondage, all the addiction, all the bitterness, all the anger, all the rage, all the envy, all the sickness, all the lack, ALL the stuff, it's already been crucified with Christ. When He died that brutal death on the cross, all of that stuff died with Him. The potential for our freedom was given at Calvary. But it's not until we accept Christ and choose to crucify our own selves, that we can claim that freedom for our own.

2 Corinthians 5:17 says, "therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, behold, all things become new."

What an interesting accompaniment that verse is to the original verse I read in Galatians. I'm seeing a theme here folks. In Christ = new life.

So if I am in Christ, and I have this new life, why oh why would I ever allow the old self to live again? Unfortunately though, we do. We let the old man creep in ever so slightly. Perhaps we get overwhelmed with the cares of this world; we carry everyone's burdens to the extent that it literally weighs so heavy on our hearts that we begin to bend under the pressure of their lives. It could be a family member, a friend, someone you are helping or ministering to. If we are not careful, we get weary. And when we get weary, we let our guard down. And the crucified life we strive to live slowly and subtly begins to fade away.

The same goes for those in a tremendous battle of life. Perhaps you face overwhelming challenges today or you are up against life altering decisions. The weight of that can become so heavy, that again, slowly and subtly, the crucified life we strive to live begins to fade away. Whatever the "stuff" is that is trying to steal your crucifixion today, don't let it. Don't even give it another second of your time. It's not worthy of your worry. No matter how extreme the situation is, it's not worthy of your worry. We have got to live this life Heaven minded, simply passing through this place. Nothing from our old self is worth sacrificing our spot in Heaven for, nothing. NOT ONE THING. Living a life that is crucified with Christ is not always easy, Jesus never said it would be. But the benefits of living that life far outweigh the other option.

I get to live a life full of peace, a life full of joy, a life full of trust. The stuff that God allows me to do in this life is so crazy exciting that sometimes I want to remind God of who I am in case He forgot and gave me someone else's life. I certainly don't deserve this one He has given me. But for whatever reason, He let's me live it. So for as long as I have breath in my lungs here on Earth, as long as there is a beat in my heart, here on this place called Earth, then I will continue to strive to live a life that is crucified with Christ. I choose to leave all the stuff that Christ took to the cross at the cross. What a deal? Man, think about the deal we get. It's crazy! We ask God to forgive us and He does. We ask God to restore us, and He does. We ask God to provide for us, and He does. We ask God to heal us, and He does.

I read something so great by Angie Smith in a book called "Mended, pieces of a life made whole," that I want to share with you. She says, "There is such a difference between religion and relationship. I could not have survived without the latter, I assure you. Because, you see, the thing about the nails in this life is that they are temporary. We choose to bear them because we know that we will lay our crowns at His feet in the blink of an eye. We will join Him for eternity, and will worship the One Who was scarred on our behalf."

This life is just a moment. So I encourage you today with this thought, a crucified life may not always be an easy life. You may sincerely have to sacrifice some difficult things to live a crucified life. You may have to put your own will and your own desires on the shelf in order to live a Godly life. But take heart in this, the very love that kept King Jesus on the cross is the very love that will literally hold you in Heaven soon and very soon. It will be worth it all. Any sacrifice you make to live that crucified life will indeed be worth it all. It it wasn't, Jesus would not have had do be crucified. But He knew something that we didn't...He knew Heaven. And He knew we needed to be there. And so we will. Amen and amen.

With boldness.

I just read the following passage in Hebrews and I'd like to share it here for anyone that might need to know how approachable God really is:

Hebrews 4:12-16 says, "For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. 13 And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account. 14 Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

That is a lot of information to take in; so much to digest from God in that passage. That scripture has always been a favorite of mine, that the Word is literally alive. As I speak the Word of God over my life, God begins to activate it over me! When my faith is down, if I will simply crack open the Word and just begin to read, the Word cannot help but activate. My faith cannot help but rise. It's the only thing that can happen.

So not only does the Word encourage us, lift our faith and inspire us to continue on in this journey, but the Word will search our hearts. Nothing is hidden from God. Not anything we say, not anything we do, not anything we think, not anything. NO THING is hidden from God. He see's it all. He knows it all.

Now, if a person here on Earth knew all that God knows about me, I'd be scared. Because I fail. A lot. But honestly, it does not scare me that God has that place in my life. I guess I've actually come to the place of trusting God as my father, a journey that's on going of course, but one that I've come quite a distance in already.

My girls adore their dad. He can do no wrong! Lily calls him, "handsome daddy" and often says, "hey big guy!" Joei Kate loves to snuggle up to him any time she can. The way my girls love him with such an incredible love has taught me so much. I can't relate to that feeling, loving an earthly father with such intensity...so to see it manifest in my own children has shown me a different side of a father/daughter relationship.

They trust their dad. They are not afraid of him. They know he will do what he tells them he will do. They know when he is serious with them and means business, but they also know when he is being playful with them, which honestly is most the time!

I struggled for years to call God my father. It seemed an insult to call him such a name. A name that had harmed me for many years. But I'm sitting here this morning with such an overwhelming realization of just how far God has brought me! So far now, that I can say yes God, you are my father. I trust you. I am not afraid of you. I know you will do what you say you will do. I know when you are serious and when you mean business, but I know when you are being playful, which honestly is most the time. Hmm.

My husband just returned from Israel, and being where Jesus actually walked changed his life! I can only imagine! Jesus walked this earth, as a human, made up of the same physical stuff as us. Wrap your head around that for a minute! He was tempted, just like us. Yet He did not sin. He is our high priest. And when we come to Him, we don't have to approach Him in fear - the scripture says to approach Him with boldness in fact!

When my girls want something, they approach daddy with boldness. There is no fear in them. Do they respect him? Oh yes, of course. And because of that, they want to do right by him. But they are not afraid of him.

I respect God. I love Him. I'm so thankful to Him for all He has done for me. And so because of that, I want to do right by Him. I want to make the right choices in life. I want to strive to be all that I can be, because I love my Father. So with that in mind, I can approach Him with boldness. I can run to Him anytime I need to. If it's to present a request, I can boldly go. If it's to cry over a hurt, I can boldly go. If it's to vent an anger, I can boldly go. If it's simply to snuggle up with Him, I can boldly go. And so can you.

So can you.

Our duty

It’s been quite awhile since I’ve written anything, so I am literally forcing myself to sit down and do this. Everything else I need to do this morning is calling my name, but I need to get my butt in gear! Forgive me for using the word “butt.” I don’t like my kids to use the word. So I guess I could delete the word and replace it with “bottom” but where is the fun in that!

Excuse me as my 4-year-old daughter is arguing the fact that she cannot wear her “high heel boots” to the zoo today. And she left crying. Ok then.

So yesterday as I was sharing this passage of scripture at church – Oh dear, the 4 year old is back, asking if I’d just rather she threw away her High Heel boots since I don’t want her to wear them. Wow, who knew manipulation started so young.

Let’s try this again. Oh my goodness, she is walking in here again, now with the boots, towards the garbage can, threatening to throw them away. Well I guess I have to focus on this situation a minute. Excuse me…

Aaaaand I’m back. I’d love it if you would read this passage of scripture, and really, really allow it to digest into the deepest parts of your soul.

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn, 3 To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

Reading this particular passage lately is overwhelming my heart! That is what Jesus came to do. And there is something so passion-filled about it, that I couldn’t help but lose myself in that. I guess because I have personally been a recipient of that scripture. Jesus has literally done all of those things in my life.

He literally has brought me good tidings. He literally has healed my broken heart. He literally has set me free. He literally has comforted me when I most needed it. He literally has given me beauty for the ashes of a life I once had. He literally has given me joy in the place of mourning. He literally has given me the ability to praise my way out of heaviness. Literally.

Think about this for a moment – if we are called to be Christ like, that’s what a Christian is right? Well, if we are called to be like Jesus, then it would seem to me that we are to lead people in this same way. It’s our duty then, as Disciples of the Almighty God, to bring good tidings to the poor. It’s our duty to proclaim liberty to the captives. It’s our duty to show people the way out of their own personal prisons. It’s our duty then to comfort those who mourn with the only comfort we know! It’s our duty then to show people the beauty that resides inside of them. It’s our duty to lead people to praise! IT IS OUR DUTY!

Matthew 28:19-20 says, Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.

Go. Jesus simply said to go. And if He calls us to go, I have to assume that He is calling us to do what Isaiah 61 is talking about. It’s a lofty command, Go. It can be a command that often times is frightening to follow through with. But that’s where verse 20 comes in and brings a calm to this fearful heart…”I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

So no matter what God is calling us to do in this life, we can do it with the assurance that God is with us. He always is with us. He is right there…

Well, it's not a long post but it's a start back in the right direction. Unfortunately the bunny cage did not clean itself while I sat here so it still calls. Not too mention the stray cats that have gathered outside for food. I'm feeding the whole clan apparently. We're starting a small farm it seems. I should have listened to my husband. But don't tell him that. And the kid with the high heels is still out there, waiting to make another move. But it's all good. I can do anything. Jesus is right there...

So.

So. My kids are playing outside in massive leave piles...probably barefoot...in the cold. But they are having fun so who am I to stop the hoopla. Albeit we had a break for a leaf stuck in Lily's throat, par for the course I suppose.

So. I've wanted to write a book for a long time. And I've thought that I actually would write a book for a long time. But now, well, now I think I really am going to write a book.

So. So I have really been pondering it over and over the past few weeks. I started said book quite some time ago, wrote my first paragraph and thought I was really on a roll. Then it sat. And sat. And sat. Until a few weeks ago, I picked it up and continued. I have about a chapter done. I know, I know, a chapter and I'm already thinking I'm serious about this! So. I actually contacted a particular publishing company that I'm quite fond of, sent an e-mail and got a general response back. I figured that was the end of it, phew, no phone conversation. Email is easy! No questions to worry about having the right answers for, no need to come up with money right now, no worries right! Until he called me. Ooops.

I let it go to voicemail as I had a feeling it might be the Publishing company and I wasn't ready! What would I say? I have ONE chapter people! What's wrong with me, why did I even look into it? So much goes into the process, time, funds, etc., and I'm nowhere near starting...so why? Why. Because I felt like God wanted me to. So.

So after I did not answer the phone, I began to talk myself out of the entire thing. I am too scared to do it. Too afraid of the journey.

So I got to where I was heading, the church, I went and sat in the office, opened up my laptop as I was about to do some paperwork. But in typical Jen fashion, figured I'd peruse Twitter for a moment, cuz that's what you do when you have a quick internet connection right?

So someone had posted a link to one of my favorite blogs and it caught my attention. It was a post on the "Living Proof Live" blog called "To new writers, with love," that nearly floored me, and had I not been floating in a Grande Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte I probably would have landed on the floor.

So perhaps you won't take time to read it, although I highly recommend you do. But I could not believe that my favorite Author just happened to pen that blog post at the exact time I was talking myself out of the very thing she posted about.

Forgive the cheeziness of this line but "it was too odd not to be God."

So I waited nearly the whole day, but I finally called the Publisher back. We talked about the details, since I have zero experience in the whole thing. No pressure, gave me lots of advice. I'm not sure where I go from here, in that I still have to obviously write the book & work through the submission process. But I feel like something was conquered that day. The fear of the journey. It scared me to think of writing a book. It will share so much of my life so I feared I would say too much, or not say enough. Would people understand my heart? Would anyone even read it? Am I honoring God? So many questions.

So this really hit me:

"Perfectionism will snuff the flame. Period. Give it up. It’s cheating us out of hearing your genuine voice. These are a few reasons why we may never read books by some of the greatest writers on the planet. Some are too narcissistic to take the criticism, too undisciplined to see it through the dry spells, or too committed to greatness to settle for publishing something good. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works. We don’t have to strive for fabulous. Purely doing some good can be really great."

Beth Moore is my fav. She would like me, on account of my big hair and all.

One more portion to share that just about left me in a heap of tears:

"Write on, sister or brother. Don’t wait for a publisher or a book deal. A true writer has to write even with no one to read. Scribble down rogue phrases and incomplete sentences as they come whether or not they seem strung together. Write on the backs of sales receipts or the palm of your other hand. Just write! That book is in there somewhere. If it seems slow, wait for it. (Habakkuk 2:3) And when it comes, may God speak."

So that's what I'm doing. I'm writing. And praying. And that's why I'm posting this here publicly for all 2 of you that read this. I'm asking for your prayers too. Pray that God would have His way. I know in my heart of hearts that this needs to be done. I believe I have direction on the title and the main topic of the book, but I need God ever so much. Ever so.

Thank you :)

Kate is 8?!

I have some pretty cool kids. I just do. They are both unique and different in their own ways, that is for sure. I have yet to do my usual Birthday letter to my oldest baby girl, even though she turned 8 a few months ago. But I figure, what better time than now.

I love to write letters to them; as I'm not one for scrap-booking, I figure this is the next best thing!

I think one reason I've yet to write this Birthday letter is due to the fact that I really have not yet accepted Joei Kate is 8 years old. For some reason this age is hitting me harder than any other age has. I don't know why...just, 8? I mean, 8. EIGHT. It's crazy.

Dear Joei Kate,

You are 8. And that rhymes. And if you were standing next to me we would make up a song about that, as we often make up songs about anything and everything. You are such an awesome kid. I've seen you grow up so much in the past year, too much for my liking and certainly too much for your dad's mental state to handle! I can begin to envision what life will be like for you in the next few years, as you begin to leave the world of a child and onto an actual "kid" now. Ugh.

You are in 2nd grade, with Mrs. Halley. You really like having her for a teacher. You have your BFF in class with you, so I honestly wonder if you pay attention to said enjoyable teacher but nonetheless, you like 2nd grade. You are a loyal friend. You are quick to overlook people's faults when it comes to your friendships; you are a forgiving person as well. I've watched you do it...even if you didn't realize that's what you were doing.

You are so sensitive, and so precious. You are an extremely beautiful girl, both on the outside and on the inside. You have always been, and still are, very compassionate. You don't like me to repeat things to you, such as, do your chores - get your shoes on - empty your lunch pail - on and on...But as your mother, unfortunately nagging is an allowed gift. Sorry about that ;)

You are a great reader, you picked up on that quickly. You love to color and draw, and are very good at that also. You enjoy song-writing and singing. You love to watch TV, especially if there is a fire in the fireplace. But you don't like the fireplace door open, you are extremely cautious. You still are very shy when in the company of strangers, so is Lily. But after awhile, you warm up and begin to share your awesome personality with the world! You still love to be in the nursery at church, "helping" Miss Aleyda. I think you will forever work in the nursery!

A highlight for me recently was watching you be baptized! You decided on your own, that you were ready to make that public confession of your love for Jesus, by being baptized in water. How cool for you that it was your daddy that got to do it! I think you said, "Oh poo," over the mic, if I recall...I don't remember why, but I do believe you did. Yep. That's my girl. Loves potty talk.

I sure love ya kid. I know daddy does not agree with this, as he wants you to stay little forever, but I look forward to growing with you. I look forward to all the years we have ahead of us, watching you change, watching you learn...and in turn, learning a whole lot myself. Love, mom