So.

So. My kids are playing outside in massive leave piles...probably barefoot...in the cold. But they are having fun so who am I to stop the hoopla. Albeit we had a break for a leaf stuck in Lily's throat, par for the course I suppose.

So. I've wanted to write a book for a long time. And I've thought that I actually would write a book for a long time. But now, well, now I think I really am going to write a book.

So. So I have really been pondering it over and over the past few weeks. I started said book quite some time ago, wrote my first paragraph and thought I was really on a roll. Then it sat. And sat. And sat. Until a few weeks ago, I picked it up and continued. I have about a chapter done. I know, I know, a chapter and I'm already thinking I'm serious about this! So. I actually contacted a particular publishing company that I'm quite fond of, sent an e-mail and got a general response back. I figured that was the end of it, phew, no phone conversation. Email is easy! No questions to worry about having the right answers for, no need to come up with money right now, no worries right! Until he called me. Ooops.

I let it go to voicemail as I had a feeling it might be the Publishing company and I wasn't ready! What would I say? I have ONE chapter people! What's wrong with me, why did I even look into it? So much goes into the process, time, funds, etc., and I'm nowhere near starting...so why? Why. Because I felt like God wanted me to. So.

So after I did not answer the phone, I began to talk myself out of the entire thing. I am too scared to do it. Too afraid of the journey.

So I got to where I was heading, the church, I went and sat in the office, opened up my laptop as I was about to do some paperwork. But in typical Jen fashion, figured I'd peruse Twitter for a moment, cuz that's what you do when you have a quick internet connection right?

So someone had posted a link to one of my favorite blogs and it caught my attention. It was a post on the "Living Proof Live" blog called "To new writers, with love," that nearly floored me, and had I not been floating in a Grande Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte I probably would have landed on the floor.

So perhaps you won't take time to read it, although I highly recommend you do. But I could not believe that my favorite Author just happened to pen that blog post at the exact time I was talking myself out of the very thing she posted about.

Forgive the cheeziness of this line but "it was too odd not to be God."

So I waited nearly the whole day, but I finally called the Publisher back. We talked about the details, since I have zero experience in the whole thing. No pressure, gave me lots of advice. I'm not sure where I go from here, in that I still have to obviously write the book & work through the submission process. But I feel like something was conquered that day. The fear of the journey. It scared me to think of writing a book. It will share so much of my life so I feared I would say too much, or not say enough. Would people understand my heart? Would anyone even read it? Am I honoring God? So many questions.

So this really hit me:

"Perfectionism will snuff the flame. Period. Give it up. It’s cheating us out of hearing your genuine voice. These are a few reasons why we may never read books by some of the greatest writers on the planet. Some are too narcissistic to take the criticism, too undisciplined to see it through the dry spells, or too committed to greatness to settle for publishing something good. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works. We don’t have to strive for fabulous. Purely doing some good can be really great."

Beth Moore is my fav. She would like me, on account of my big hair and all.

One more portion to share that just about left me in a heap of tears:

"Write on, sister or brother. Don’t wait for a publisher or a book deal. A true writer has to write even with no one to read. Scribble down rogue phrases and incomplete sentences as they come whether or not they seem strung together. Write on the backs of sales receipts or the palm of your other hand. Just write! That book is in there somewhere. If it seems slow, wait for it. (Habakkuk 2:3) And when it comes, may God speak."

So that's what I'm doing. I'm writing. And praying. And that's why I'm posting this here publicly for all 2 of you that read this. I'm asking for your prayers too. Pray that God would have His way. I know in my heart of hearts that this needs to be done. I believe I have direction on the title and the main topic of the book, but I need God ever so much. Ever so.

Thank you :)