The "D" Word.

Discipline. What do you think of when you see that word? Do you see it as a negative? Does it make you cringe inside? Do you tell the person who said it to stop cussing? Oh ok, maybe that's just me.

We generally equate the word discipline with kids don't we? It's often tied to conversations about raising kids, followed by whatever other random conversation us ladies get into, generally revolving around food or our thighs, or probably both.

Discipline. Excuse me, there I go cussing again.

But really, I've been thinking about this topic for many years now, as it relates to the life I try so desperately to lead and yet fail at miserably, often. And then this thought smacked me the other day:

DISCIPLINE BRINGS FREEDOM

#girlwithbighairsaywhat?

The D word brings freedom. It does. It really, really does.

The Book of Hebrews says this: "No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way."

Peace. That's what we all long for right, to live in peace? We NEED peace. Our minds need peace, our hearts need peace, our bodies need peace. People search the globe for it and look to Presidents to bring it but alas, many don't find it. Why? Well, may I pose one reason? No discipline.

The general thought of this world is quite the opposite than what I'm proposing here isn't it? Many people would say that discipline keeps you bound, that it is oppressive and depressive and just plan boring.

When we live an un-disciplined life, we live in chaos. When we allow our emotions to rule us and then we act out of those emotions, we say whatever comes to mind, destructive or not. It breeds chaos. When we are un-disciplined in our finances, when we don't honor God with what belongs to Him anyway, when we go on spending benders when we can't afford it, it breeds chaos. When we eat in an un-disciplined manner, well, I think we all know the effects of that, hence our conversations surrounding food and thighs!

The Hebrew word for peace is Shalom, and Shalom has a phenomenal translation. In Hebrew, Shalom means this: "Destroying the authority that brings chaos in your life."

So many times we are crying out for peace, we are searching for peace, we are doing all we can to obtain peace; we blame our lack of peace on our circumstances, and sometimes yes, the challenges that fall into our path do seek to rob of us peace. But, more often then not, WE are responsible for the lack of peace in our lives because we simply won't destroy the authority that brings chaos into our lives. Why? Because it's usually ourselves.

We allow ourselves to live below our God given dignity. We accept crap into our lives and choose mediocrity over excellence. And it all breeds chaos.

When we choose discipline, we get freedom. Sounds like an oxymoron but indeed they are synonymous, they are one in the same. You like my use of big words don't ya. I is smart.

Disciplined words bring healthy and fruitful relationships. Disciplined finances bring an abundance of supply. Disciplined eating and exercise bring lifelong rewards.

I'm tired of living in chaos in certain areas, aren't you? I'm tired of blaming my circumstances and moving from one excuse to the other, to avoid the necessary discipline I know I need to accept. I'm ready for the harvest of peace promised in Hebrews 12. I'm ready to cuss.

Discipline. There, I said it. And I'm not sorry ;)

Bubble butts are a good thing.

Are you ever hard on yourself? My guess is that if you are, 1, a woman and 2, a woman, then yes, you are hard on yourself. We don't really need other people to kick our butts, we kinda kick our own butts, am I right? I say something I regret, kick my butt. I don't achieve a goal by a certain time, kick my butt. I lose my cool, kick my butt. I obsess over what people think, kick my butt. You know, it's a darn good thing I have a bubble butt with all the kickin' it gets!

Can ya relate?

You guys, this is a lame cycle that we need to pick our butt kickin' selves out of RIGHT now, like TO-DAY! Yes, we want to be our best. If you know me at all you know that I am so much for living the best life we possibly can. I am so anti-settling for second best I'm probably annoying with how often I mention it. Because I've done it. A million times. Man my butt's bruised.

But even with our striving to do our best, there has to be a moment we allow ourselves a break. Just a break. A break from the personal beat downs we so often give ourselves. A break from the negative chatter in our mind; the words of disappointment we speak over our soul.

I read a verse in the Bible that I can't stop thinking about. It's simplistic yet complex so I've been studying it out to gain the best understanding that I can. It's in John 1 and it says simply and so beautifully these words:

John 1:16 "And of His fullness we have all received, and grace for grace."

This verse is scripture is talking about Jesus and all that He represents to the life of a person once we become a believer in Him. We are privy to all that He is. We receive His fullness. My goodness, can you even wrap your head around that? His fullness. So every bit of health that He is, I receive it. Every blast of joy that my God is, I receive it. Every dose of prosperity that He has, yep, that too I receive. The list goes on and on and on. His fullness. But there is one thing that He is full of also, and this one thing is what we don't accept for ourselves, hence our bruised buns. It's grace. GRACE.

The scripture says, "and grace for grace."

When God created the world, He did it with a beautiful grace. He hung the moon and the stars and spoke the Earth and all of it's beauty into existence. And He did it all with such a powerful and magnificent grace. Then He formed man, with graceful detail. Then He created us women, with just a touch more detail of course. Then Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and God had to send them out of the perfect grace filled environment they were enjoying. Why? Grace. It was God's grace that drove them out of the Garden. Had Adam and Even been able to stay, they would have forever known the wrong they did. The tree of the knowledge of good and evil would have reminded them of it, day after day. Night after pain-staking night. So God's grace drove them out of the Garden and a new grace was on the way. A grace that would come in the form of a sweet baby, born in a manger, amongst filth and debris. That baby would grow into the most wonderful person this Earth has ever known. And He would heal people, and He would love people, and He would feed people, and He would redeem people.

And then He would die. For grace. And then He would rise. For grace.

Grace has been God's story all along. Even when He gave the law to Moses for the Israelites to live by, that was grace. The law was grace? Sure it was. People need boundaries. Life is so much better when we live right, when we live according to the Bible.

But God, in His grace, sent His Son Jesus, to take us to a deeper place of grace. A grace that offers forgiveness and an eternity in Heaven. This grace enables us to do what we are destined to do. This grace strengthens us to live by the Word of God, even when it's difficult or perhaps undesirable. And this grace picks us up when we fall. This grace causes us to try again. This grace fills us day after day with the fullness of God. This grace gives us permission to rest. To stop kicking our butts. To quit living in the boneyards of yesterday's bad decisions. To change.

Oh my goodness. What a grace. Thank You Jesus, thank You for grace. Thank You for a grace that forgives me. Thank You for a grace that restores me. Thank You for a grace that is so personal to me, that in all my flaws, in all my setbacks and in all my failures, Your grace never changes. It never runs out. I can't exhaust Your grace. So it's with that grace that I thank you for the fullness that's living in me. And today, I choose to wear it well. In Your precious name, Amen.

Interrupted

Isaiah 9:6 is a super familiar verse this time of year and it says, "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

As I ponder this verse, the reality of it is sinking deep into my soul, and perhaps it will make it's way into your busy, possibly stressed and overwhelmed soul as well. The fact of the matter is this, we are busy. So busy. In fact, if anyone at all is even taking time to read this, it's most likely being skimmed through as you stand in line at Costco or Target or dare I say at a red light. Not that I know from experience or anything...

Christmas time. Ah how we love it, don't we? We love the lights and the trees and the baking and the movies and the stories and the family time. And then there's the shopping. And the lists. And the cards. And the guilt of receiving a gift from someone you didn't get a gift for. And the lines. And the grumpy people in said lines. And yet, we barrel through it every year.

But right now, in this moment, I want to pause and read this verse again. Do I have things to do? Yes. I actually have a million things to do. But in reality, nothing pales in comparison to this moment. Because this is what it's all about.

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace"

A child interrupted the world. When Jesus was born, he interrupted Mary & Joseph whose lives were in such an exciting time, preparing for marriage. The birth of Jesus interrupted the wise men, who had to stop what they were doing and decide if they would follow a star to see the King, or would they stay in their normal. Jesus certainly interrupted the government, as King Herod did all he could do to wipe out Jesus before He even got started. He interrupted the world.

Oh how I want Him to interrupt my world today. Yes, my to do list is long today. And I know that yours is too. But today, I choose to pause and embrace the interruption.

A child was born TO US. A Son was given, TO US. That precious Son has been my counselor more times that I can recall. He has shown Himself to be a mighty God in times that I could not defend myself or find the solution for my problem. That Son is my everlasting Father; He has carried me, loved me, hugged me, provided for me & guided me. And lastly, that Son, the child born to us, He has been my Prince of Peace. Oh how He has been my peace. Peace has overshadowed me through so many storms. Peace has guided me through difficult decisions. And peace, it rests upon me even now.

Yep, the Christmas season is here. We embrace the wonderful things we love about it and we endure the things we necessarily don't. But through it all, don't miss the interruption. Oh what a beautiful interruption indeed.

And if you are reading this in line at Wal-Mart, just start yelling at the top of your lungs and flailing about like a flying bird that's been shot mid-flight. Maybe they'll move you forward in line. Or maybe they'll call the cops. But either way, you'll get out of Wal-Mart quicker. And with that I say Merry Christmas! May the peace of God that surpasses all understanding guard your heart and your mind today as you look for that sweet interruption.

Amen. And amen.

More.

Did you know you were made for more? More than mediocrity. More than simply getting by in life. More than average. More than just doing what you have always done, wishing for a different result. More than settling for second rate. More.

I am made for more. Say it with me! "I AM MADE FOR MORE!"

I know that. But do I believe it? Do YOU believe it?

I'm reading in Hebrews 6, preparing for our upcoming Ladies Retreat. I'm pondering Hope and how Hope is our anchor and so that's where my thought process should be going. But alas, like the kittens in my backyard that move from one thing to the next (yes, I find any opportunity to speak of kittens and yes, I realize it's nuts) I find myself strayed from topic.

Take a read of this:

Hebrews 6:7-9 "When the ground soaks up the falling rain and bears a good crop for the farmer, it has God’s blessing. 8 But if a field bears thorns and thistles, it is useless. The farmer will soon condemn that field and burn it."

Now I LOVE this next verse, LOVE it.

9 "Dear friends, even though we are talking this way, we really don’t believe it applies to you. We are confident that you are meant for better things, things that come with salvation."

You were made for more.

"We are confident that you are meant for better things..."

I am meant for better things.

"things that come with salvation."

So what comes with salvation? Oh my gooodness, what DOESN'T come with salvation? First of all, everlasting love comes with salvation. A grace that is so undeserved comes with salvation. A peace that will go beyond what I can understand, that comes with salvation. A joy that floods the very depths of my soul is a product of salvation. Provision for every single need that I will ever have, that's a benefit of salvation. Purpose, purpose, purpose. Did I say purpose yet? I'm sorry, the cute kitties distract me. Purpose is a product of salvation. Forgiveness. Restoration. Witness. Household salvation. And did I say purpose? More. More. And more.

So there ya go. Just in case you were on the fence today, leaning towards the side that's warped and in need of repair, why don't you climb just a little higher to the other side of it. I hear the weather's great up there. Besides, you might see one of our kittens. And then you might take one home. And then your life will be so great and better. Oh sorry, there I go again.

Dear heart don't settle. Jen, don't settle. Kitties, don't settle. You were meant for better things.

Hinds' feet?

Have you ever gone through a particularly difficult period of trusting God? Trust is pretty much always one of the most difficult things for our humanity to wrap itself around, but sometimes it just seem harder to come by than others. Anyone?

I have read the reference before in scripture that associates us with the hind feet of a deer and to be honest, I've never thought much of it. Until today. I was led to the same reference yet again in two completely different books of the Bible.

Psalm 18:33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, and sets me on high places.

And then again in Habakkuk 3 out of the amplified, it overwhelms my heart in this version:

"Though the fig tree does not blossom and there is no fruit on the vines, [though] the product of the olive fails and the fields yield no food, though the flock is cut off from the fold and there are no cattle in the stalls, 18 Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the [victorious] God of my salvation! 19 The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds’ feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]!"

Joey & I have been to Texas a few times now and when we go we take a drive through a pretty rural area that's known for great hunting. It always surprises me how it's good hunting ground because it's basically flat land, full of gravel and shrubs. But yet, apparently it's an environment that the deer are a plenty. So perhaps that visual was what I needed to make sense of this reference. It looks to me as if it would be painful to walk through that sort of environment, with the sharp rocked edges and the harsh shrubbery. The hiding places are scarce in that environment as well; the deer have to rely on their quick agility to escape the eye of a hunter or predator.

And so it is with us. Life can be hard sometimes. It's full of sharp edges, twists and turns. We come into seasons where the shrubs seem to grow taller than the lush foliage our hearts crave. The enemy never takes a break from his assault on our lives either so our guard always needs to be up. Like a deer.

But then this scripture...

"My personal bravery." Wow. What a picture. God is my personal bravery. When it's hard to trust, God gets personal. When I'm scared of what is or is NOT happening, God gets personal. When the shrubs are growing ever so tall and the thorns seem to be closing in, God gets personal. When I feel the enemy is having a field day with me, God gets personal. And He is brave. Therefore, so am I.

Have you ever noticed how light a deer runs? They have such a grace about them, as they prance through the brush and the rock, as if it causes their hooves no pain whatsoever.

With that picture in mind, whatever you face today, know that God is giving you the feet of a deer. He is giving you the personal strength to walk through whatever difficulty you are in right this very moment. And He gives you the ability to do it with grace. We don't have to complain our way through, we don't have to worry our way through and we don't have to panic our way through. We just gracefully keep.on.moving.

Take a shower would ya!

Lamentations 3:22-23 says, "Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. 23 They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."

I'm so glad that God's compassion towards me never fails. Should it? Yes. Yes I think it should when I fail in the same area time and time again. But it does not.

The scripture says that it's because of His never-failing compassion that I'm not consumed. Compassion defined is this: "a feeling of wanting to help someone who is sick, hungry, in trouble, etc." Or how about this definition: "Deep awareness of the suffering of another accompanied by the wish to relieve it."

Jesus is aware of our suffering. He is aware of our need. He is aware when we are sick, when we are hungry. He is aware of the times that we are in trouble, whether by our own doing or by the hand of trouble coming through a situation perhaps totally out of our control. He is completely and absolutely aware. And regardless of how we react to what is trying to consume us, be it need or trouble, His compassion will not allow Him to hold it over our head. Furthermore, His compassion will cause Him to move because He desires to relive our suffering.

I had a talk with my daughter Lily last night, who just turned 7. She has a wonderful concept of God and her spirit is so exciting to watch grow; I'm often challenged by her in my own spiritual walk. But she said something at school the other day that she was not proud of; she didn't want to say it but was influenced by a 6th grader to say the word "jerk." Yes folks, my daughter said the word jerk. I better check her into therapy stat! Bless her heart she was so upset with herself for saying it. So she shared with me last night that at bedtime she told God she was sorry for saying it. And then last night she felt the need to confess it to us! So we had a great talk about grace and that our sin being washed away the moment we ask for it to be. And that was that, she moved on.

Oh that we could do the same thing, just move on. Accept the fact that God's grace is greater than all of our sin. The moment we ask Him to forgive us is the moment that He does. We don't have to wait for a certain amount of time to pass for the forgiveness to be made final. There is no cooling off period when it comes to grace! God won't revoke it from us. Why? Because His never-failing compassion won't allow Him to!

So when you find yourself in need of grace, when the devil seems to be doing a number on your mind, beating you down with condemnation over your sin, remember this verse in Lamentations. Every single morning there is a fresh batch of mercy on our doorstep. Let's pick up that mercy and take a shower in it! Allow the never-failing compassion of God to absolutely drench you this morning. And then take that mercy and show it to someone else! Don't keep it to yourself...or you might be a jerk ;)

Tenacious sap

I love my husband. I honestly have never met a better person in all my life. He encourages me, challenges me & just plain moves me to be a better version of myself. He is tenacious as all get out, and sometimes I want him to take a break from his tenacity but alas, he cannot. It's just who he is. And so I've been pondering that tenacity...

Tenacious defined is "holding together; cohesive; not easily pulled asunder; tough." That's a great adjective for Joey, for sure. He definitely holds me and a whole lot of other folks together! He is cohesive, in the sense that he has the ability to adapt well to whatever environment he finds himself in. He is not swayed by negative circumstances that arise and yes, of course, he is tough.

So before you think this post is going to be full of sap, hang on. Although I'm feeling reflective about my man, yes, I do have a point! It's because of HIS tenacity that myself, and many others are fulfilling our destiny. And so today, I wonder who's tenacity has caused you to fulfill your destiny? Or perhaps, are you the one spurring others on to reach their full potential? If you stop and think about it, I bet you are doing that without even knowing the impact of it!

When Joey was asked to Pastor our church at the end of 2008, we actually chuckled amongst ourselves. Pastor? We've never pastored before. Joey had traveled for years ministering and speaking in Public Schools with Radical Reality, a journey which he very much enjoyed. So to be asked to Pastor a church was absolutely out of left field. And yet, we had to entertain the thought. And so we did. And we prayed. A lot. And obviously we accepted the call.

During Joey's years of traveling, I was not able to be much a part of it and yet, my heart so desired ministry. And as God so wonderfully does, He reached into my heart and pulled out my desire and delivered it to me in a strangely wrapped gift. Pastoring. And so we began a new season...

Transition is rarely easy and with that particular transition there were many different obstacles that arose. But the tenacious spirit that Joey has shone through each and every obstacle and it has been through those challenges that we have been able to grow in ways never imagined possible.

My life will never be the same, because he accepted the call to Pastor. He was created for this journey, without a doubt. WITHOUT A DOUBT. He is a great shepherd, full of humility and grace and leadership and fire and...oh, sorry. There I go again all sappy like.

Because he accepted his divine assignment, it positioned me for mine. I feel like I'm smack dab where God wants me to be & doing what God wants me to do. The personal growth I've experienced over the past 6 years is nothing short of miraculous; it overwhelms me to think of how where God has brought me from, through the muck and the mire, out of pit after pit after pit. It's so exciting to accept God's call.

We were talking about this topic the other day, thinking about the different lives that God has brought into our season to walk this road with us and it's pretty phenomenal really. I think of the staff we have at church and how they are fulfilling their divine destiny for this time in their lives. I think of the thousands of people that have graced the doors of our church, and the love I am positive they felt as soon as they walked in. I think of the great people all across this city that have been fed or clothed through Helping Hands, and now many of them come to church on the buses sent to bring them! I think of the members of Lord's Gym and the impact that something as simple as a gym is making in their lives and in the community they are reaching out into. It overwhelms our hearts to think of all God has done in such a short time...and it's all because of a little tenacity.

Now of course, I know it's all the Lord. And in fact, Joey would tell you that he has far more weaknesses than he does strengths. I won't reiterate what he let slip out of his mouth in third service on Sunday in case nobody caught it but we sure are having a good laugh about it, DAILY! If you can't laugh at yourself, well, I'm sorry. Cuz it's the best. But every now and again, a person just needs to hear that someone is thankful they answered God's call and so today, I'm thankful he did just that.

Destiny is a domino effect. When you begin to fulfill your destiny, it begins to effect all of those around you. As you do what God is empowering you to do, the people in your sphere of influence are not only impacted by your destiny, but they just might begin to reach theirs. Just take a moment and look at the lives around you: Your spouse, your kids, your friends, your co-workers, the list goes on and on. You can't know this side of Heaven how many lives you have affected by simply saying yes to God.

So, what can you do today to be a tenacious person of destiny? Can you reach one person through a smile or an overdue "I love you" or how about extending forgiveness when you really don't feel like it or maybe you can volunteer somewhere or send financial support to a ministry or missionary God has on your heart or you can play an extra game of UNO with your kids tonight or call a friend and be a listening ear or clean a neighbors yard that can't do it themselves or see a single mother in the grocery store and pay for her groceries or step out in faith and share Jesus with someone or, or or...

The list is endless. Accepting God's call on your life does not have to be a dramatic event, it's simply saying yes to whatever God has for you. Could it be a life altering thing? Absolutely. And then again, it may just be finally submitting your heart to His way, whatever the way may be. It's an exciting journey, this whole "living out your destiny" business. Try it, you'll like it!

And did I mention that I love my husband? Sap. Sappy sap sap.

It's time to slice and dice

There is a particular passage of scripture that God often highlights in my life and that's Hebrews 4:12. It says, "For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

This was made alive again to me today as I was thinking back on my life and reminiscing over issues God has highlighted to me in the past. I accepted Jesus as a teenager, and as soon as I accepted Him, God in His grace began to work in areas of my life. However, at the time I did not have the maturity to realize it was God highlighting areas He wanted to free me from, so I covered those feelings with different things. I have to admit though that even now, some 24 years later, I still can fail to recognize when God is highlighting an area in my life and hence, I'll cover those emotions up with something else.

I think some folks have the mindset that once you accept Christ, you are void of ever dealing with any issues. That's simply not true. The great fact of the matter though is this, we have freedom. We absolutely have freedom the moment we accept Christ into our heart. In that moment, we are completely free from any hurt, any deep wound, any rejection, any addiction, any anger, any bitterness, any envy, any food issue, ANY THING, we are free from it. The Bible says that "He whom the Son sets free is free indeed." So there it is, you are free at salvation. However, it's entirely up to us to decide how much freedom we want to live in. How do we decide? By our actions. Discipline is freedom.

Having said that, the scripture in Hebrews comes into play once again in talking about this area of our freedom. As we grow in our faith, often without even realizing it's happening, God begins to search our heart. We fail to forget that when we read God's Word, and when we hear it at Church or in an encouraging conversation with a friend, that the Word that is being spoken is literally activating in my life. And it says the Word "judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." So all of a sudden, I may begin to feel like I'm battling something, and perhaps I don't even know what it is. Of course, it may be some type of attack from the enemy and I need to absolutely remind him that he lives under my feet and he has no room to mess with me. But in an other instance, it very well could be God trying to highlight an area in my heart as that Word has been searching my heart out and now God wants me to become aware of it. And as I become aware of the issue, I then can call it out for what it is, release it to God, allow His healing touch to wash over the area and move on toward the destiny He has called me to!

But what happens so many times is that rather than stop and ask God to reveal what these random and possibly out of the blue emotions are, we stuff the emotions with whatever our "go to comfort" is. For me, it's food. For you it may be something entirely different. It could be alcohol, drug use, cigarettes, toxic relationships, excessive spending, and the list really can go on and on. But regardless, when faced with un-explained emotion, we can subconsciously and quickly turn to a self destructive behavior. When we do that, we forfeit the freedom that we gained at salvation and we take ourselves one step backwards from the victory that was already ours.

The great thing about Hebrews 4:12 also is this; that we can literally take our Sword and attack a certain area of defeat or lack or trouble that we need to. For instance, if we are battling a health problem we can get ourselves a list of healing scriptures and speak those suckers out loud and watch God take that Sword of the Spirit and begin to bring healing as it slices through the walls of sickness. If anxiety and depression are trying to plague you, grab a list of encouraging scriptures that releases you from being bound by anything mentally taxing. If you are struggling in your finances, bust out a little Luke 6:38 on the scene and remind yourself that as you give, God gives right back to you. And the hope for those of us that have fallen into a self-destructive pattern in the past is that God absolutely can pick us right up out of the pit we may have fallen into. Micah 7:8 says, "though I have fallen, I WILL RISE!" That's right devil, you might have taken my emotional issue and sidetracked me with it for a minute, but you better be on alert because I have my SWORD and I'm slicin' and dicin' anything that's not of God and tries to get in my way of maintaining my freedom!

Goodness gracious I dunno about you but that sure encourages the heck outta me! So what I'm training myself to do, and maybe you'll do the same, is when you feel anxious or emotional or angry or just upset and you can't quite explain the reason for it, take some time to sit with God. Ask Him if there is something in your heart that He is highlighting, something that can hinder your absolute freedom, and He absolutely will walk You through whatever He brings to your attention. He has had to heal me of abuse, rejection, anger, bitterness, fear, gosh the list can go on for days. But He has never failed to heal me when He has highlighted the issue. So rather than fail to listen and go on an eating bender, I now have to stop and say, "ok Lord, what's up here." The ultimate objective is that we would live a life of freedom and purpose and destiny. So anytime God shows us something in our lives it's always for our good, to keep us marching on this sweet road of victory that He so lovingly paved the way for us thousands of years ago.

Rest assured dear one, that "He who began a good work in us will carry it onto completion." Our name is written down in glory, we have a forever home waiting for us. That's something worth holding onto our freedom for! So get your Sword out folks, it's ready to do some war.

Isn't it obvious?

The imagination of a child is a phenomenal thing to watch & hear. I love to listen to kids use their imaginations when playing with toys, drawing, writing or even just dressing up in character inspired clothes. They use such imagery when reciting who is playing what role, where they are going in their make believe and what they will do when they arrive. The fully immerse themselves in the story. And they believe it.

And then we grow up.

And the struggles that come with walking the journey of life quickly take over the imaginative road we once lived on. You see, even in my dysfunction as a kid, I still day-dreamed. I would spend hours imagining a different world that I partook in, a world that in no way resembled my current reality as a kid. Children have the ability to do that, to escape into a far away Kingdom; whether that child intentionally wants to escape their current situation or they simply are just doing what kids do, they can pretend up the most beautiful of Kingdoms!

Child-like faith is phenomenal really. They just believe. And they generally believe the best in people and in situations. There is nothing like having a conversation with a kid, is there? For example, Lily (age 6) just walked into my room and I said, "Lily, what comes to mind when I ask you what a Kingdom is?" She says, "really? It's obvious."

Ooookkk. Clearly she gets her sarcasm from me. Moving on.

Jesus referenced having a child-like faith often. He said in Luke 18 that we need to receive the Kingdom of God like a child would. So how would a child receive it? Well, if you are Lily, it's obvious. But to those of us that are not as wise as my fashionista 6 year old, let's chat about it.

Believe. I think it's truly that simple. Believe. Kids just believe. It's only been until our most recent trip to Disneyland that our girls are beginning to be aware that it's not all real. For years and years and they truly believed that when they took a picture with Cinderella it sincerely was the maiden that gained a fairy god-mother, lost her glass slipper and in so doing lived happily ever after. They just believed.

The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 3:11 that God has "set eternity in the hearts of men." We were created in the image of God. So whether you choose or reject His Son, He still created you & I with this glimpse of glory on the inside of us. Another translation says that God "planted" eternity in our hearts. So He created us with a Kingdom seed on the inside of us; a seed, that when fed and watered, it has the potential to grow and bloom and cause us do amazing things with our lives!

But we have to believe. God would will for all of us to believe in Him, but He certainly won't force us. He brings people into our lives to water that planted seed of eternity that's been set in us, however we can choose to allow the seed to lie dormant, never accepting that precious love that God has to give. But oh goodness, the joy that awaits those that believe! Our minds can't begin to imagine what God has prepared for us; both here on earth and in Heaven above. There will come a time that our breath here on earth will be absolutely final and in that moment our spirit will slip into our forever home. Those that have believed in Jesus will join a presence that we cannot comprehend here on this earth!

Believe. The things that God can accomplish through a life that simply believes...it's a road less traveled. Because when you are a person that believes you are a person that refuses to live in fear. A person that believes is a person that suits up for the battle, regardless of how difficult it is. A person that believes is a person that loves, in spite of a billion reasons not to love. A person that believes is a person that lives in absolute peace, because that person knows God is in complete control over every situation. A person that believes is a person that prospers, because that person dares to believe the promises of God in every area of life and when you dare to believe in a promise, you can't help but prosper in it! Believe. Believe. Believe.

After all, isn't it obvious?

Drives me bonkers

You know what drives me bonkers? When my kids don't trust me. If they are worried about something, I do my best to calm their fears, trying to use my life experience to bring rationalization to whatever situation they are facing. However, they don't always accept my explanation but rather they choose to feel the way their nature is leading them to feel. Sometimes I want to scream, "I AM YOUR MOTHER, WOULD YOU LISTEN TO ME AND BELIEVE WHAT I'M TELLING YOU!" Bonkers I tell ya, bonkers.

So I turned another year older yesterday. Hip hip hooray right. Quite honestly I don't mind getting older. With it, however, always comes soul searching for me. I contemplate things I've carried for years and I contemplate how to quit carrying said things. I had a lot of quiet time yesterday, driving around and just thinking. I found myself soaking in the music I was listening to and just allowing God to settle upon my soul. In so doing, as God often does with me, He dropped something down in my heart that I knew was from. And as I've been pondering it, I'm realizing it's more than just a yearly heart checkup for me, it's something I need to fully embrace. This is what God impressed upon me:

"Trust Me with abandon."

Trust me with abandon. Ok God, what does that look like? Well, we most often deem the word "abandon" in a negative light, right? In fact, the definition of abandon is this, "give up completely (a course of action, a practice, or a way of thinking)." Hmmm.

When we abandon something, we bankrupt our attention from it. To abandon something is to completely withdraw from it, to walk away, to have nothing to do with it. And it's a verb, meaning it's an action word.

"Trust me with abandon?" But what does that look like God?

If you are at all like me, and I suspect many women are, you carry worry. I carry burdens like I carry my bottle of big sexy hairspray, meaning I carry it ALL THE TIME.

I've got family that I'm concerned about right now. I've got other issues that cause me worry. And while I like to think that I, "trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not onto my own understanding," I am seeing that clearly I do not fully do that. Because as I carry these burdens, it leaves me with the mentality that somehow in MY own understanding I am going to fix the problem(s.) I think of all the ways that I can fix the situation. But here is the smack in the face, I CAN FIX NOTHING. I AM NOT GOD. Say it with me, all my fellow worry warts, "I AM NOT GOD."

So if I'm going to trust God with abandon, then that means I have to take the worry to God in prayer, and then I have to train myself to leave it there. Take it to prayer and leave it there. Take it to prayer and leave it there. I have to abandon control. Oooo, say it again Mufasa. I have to abandon control. The funniest, and not the slap your knee kinda funny, is that I don't have control over it anyhow. But in my little mind that's polluted by big sexy hairspray, I think I do. Because I operate in my understanding. I lean on it. It's my crutch. It's my obsession.

As the definition says, "to give up completely," I have to literally give up completely. That means I have to take my family member, I have to take whatever the issue is that's taking up my mental space, and I have to say, "God, here is the situation. You know it far greater than I do and You already have the answer on the way. So I'm going to abandon control over this issue to you. By my thinking about it obsessively is just my way of trying to lean on my own understanding. So today, I abandon the issue. I leave it completely. It's yours. I ask You to intervene and fix it in whatever way you see fit. In the mighty name of Jesus, amen."

And then comes the real test, 2 seconds after I pray that prayer when the worry comes right back. Again, I must abandon it. It's no longer my issue. It's God's. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I want to end this with some powerful scripture to dwell on when my measly understanding tries to take over. It's found in 2 Samuel.

"As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him." Oh man that's good. His way is perfect. He can do a far better job at meeting my need than my understanding can. And His Word is proven. Time and time again. And He is a shield to those that trust Him. I need His shield about me. I need His covering, I need His provision, I need His love, I need His oversight, I need His answers, I need His favor, I NEED HIM. So I better trust Him. After all, I certainly don't want to drive Him bonkers.

Do you need a Barn?

A new year always causes us to reflect on the year we've just endured, doesn't it? It's funny though, because for many of us, we still only reflect on the things that happened most recently. We tend to forget to go back as far as last January even! Perhaps we're just wired to live life in the present, so we rarely take trips to the past to recollect the things that have transpired. In some ways that's great because we can easily live life out of our past so much that we paralyze any plans for the future that God is trying to bring to fruition in our lives. The rear-view mirror in a car is small for a reason...

Having said that, there is something so wonderful about looking over the previous year and truly recalling all the things that God has seen us through. There are lessons that lye in everything the year brought us. The good, the bad and the ugly, they all can teach us something if we are willing to look deeply for the lesson. And then we can do one of my favorite things, hold God's promise to the situation that He will take everything we have gone through and make it work for good. Take a look back to January, take a look at a difficulty you may have been facing then. Hold the lens of God's promise to the situation and see how God has turned that situation for His good. And if you can't see the good yet, keep your eyes open because it's promised to take place!

This year for my little family has been a year of just ridiculous miracles! God did something for us that I never in my wildest dreams imagined He would do. And yet, why didn't I? I should know by now that God is in the barn bursting business! The great thing about miracles is that they often require two parts, our part and then God's part. The Bible is all about sowing and reaping right? So what we sow here in the flesh, we can expect to reap a harvest in that area. We SHOULD expect it anyhow. But then our brains take over and we start over thinking everything and because we can't reason HOW God will perform the miracle then we just stop expecting it to happen all together.

I have the privilege every week to lead our congregation in Worship through giving of tithes & offerings to the Lord. It's indeed a privilege to be part of this phenomenal principle that God has given us! I remember when I first learned this principle, I was a teenager in youth group so I got to start this at a young age. Giving to God's House was something I never felt guilted into doing, again, I felt it a privilege that God wanted to use me in this area. Trust me, He didn't NEED my minimum wage tithe from Taco Bell! But what He did need, and what He did use, was my obedience. And please hear me, I don't share this like I've mastered the area of giving. I'm as stingy and greedy and self-centered as they come. But I'm also a work in progress so God's been gracious with me in this area and given me such a love for this principle. And I fully, 100% believe that is why our family saw the miracle that we saw this year. It's a tad to personal to share the details but ya gotta trust me when I say He did a miracle!

One of my all time favorite scriptures on giving is found in 2 Corinthians 9. It says, "Remember this—a farmer who plants only a few seeds will get a small crop. But the one who plants generously will get a generous crop. 7 You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.”8 And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. 9 As the Scriptures say,

“They share freely and give generously to the poor. Their good deeds will be remembered forever.”

10 For God is the one who provides seed for the farmer and then bread to eat. In the same way, he will provide and increase your resources and then produce a great harvest of generosity in you. 11 Yes, you will be enriched in every way so that you can always be generous. And when we take your gifts to those who need them, they will thank God."

I love this! So much in this passage to grab from. I love that in verse 9, Paul is quoting out of Psalm 112, encouraging us to be people that share freely and people that give to the poor. Seeing the Old Testament in the New Testament is such a cool thing to me.

This is absolutely a promise for us! God's not concerned with the amount that we give, He is concerned with our heart when we give it. He knows how much income we have and He knows what we can give to stretch our faith, so the amount of our giving is not the issue here...it's how we give it. It is imperative to be a giver. Bottom line. It just is.

I share this particular topic because I believe it's why we saw such a wonderful miracle take place for us, we can directly trace our part of the miracle to the fact that we wholeheartedly love this principle.

Now back to YOUR miracle. What do you have need of today? Sow a seed in that area. If you need a friend, show yourself friendly. If you are believing for God to restore a relationship, encourage someone else in theirs. If you have a great financial need today, sow a seed to your local Church or a ministry you believe in. If you are believing for a loved one's salvation, sow a seed of prayer for them today, send an encouraging note or phone call. Sow a seed! Sowing isn't just related to finances, it's in everything that we do. We sow seeds, we reap the harvest. Verse 10 promises that God will increase our resources and produce a great harvest of generosity in us. I could stand to be more generous, how about you? I can give more, I can love more, I can smile more, I can serve more...I can DO more. I can be more generous. So today I'm believing this verse all over again for myself. I'm expecting INCREASE in every area of my life in 2015. After all, God is in the barn bursting business.

Happy New Year!

Sweet Communion

I've been walking a road of attempted discipline in certain areas; I wish I could say I've mastered living a disciplined life however I cannot. It got me to thinking, often times, when you are striving so hard to stick to something you know is right, and then you fail to hold true to said task, shame easily jumps on your bandwagon taking you down an entirely different road. It's generally a road very far from the disciplined life you desire.

We have a point system that we use in our household that is based on the fruits of the Spirit. So everything regarding chores, behavior, character building, it all stems from the following scripture: Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

This verse has been ingrained in my mind since starting this up with our girls, I think it's influencing me more than them! It's the "self-control" that I always have to pause on. It's difficult to exhibit self-control for me. Wether it's in regards to my attitude, the things I say, the time I waste doing nonsensical things, the food I mindlessly eat, and the list can go on and on. Hence my road of attempted discipline I'm on.

Yesterday though, God began to give me some insight into this road I'm walking that is bringing some freedom to my soul, and I hope it may help someone else as well.

Sustained Discipline is simply Sustained Communion.

That's what God dropped in my heart. That simple phrase. Sustained Discipline is simply Sustained Communion.

We strive to conquer so many different things in our lives, claiming victory with each positive step we take. And we absolutely should claim victory as it's promised to those in Christ Jesus (1 Cor. 15:55.) But what happens when we take a step back? What happens to our resolve when we veer a little off of our disciplined road? If you are at all like me, (and if you're not, that's cool, but you should get big hair, just throwin that out there) when I take a step back or veer a tad from my disciplined road, I'll forget the strides that I have made, beat myself up, and just continue going backwards from the intended road I know I should be on because in my eyes, failure breeds shame. But really, that is nothing more than a lie from the devil himself. Failure should be a spring board to success, something I can learn from. Not something that sends me into a pity party of whoa is me because I flunked self-control today. Anyone?

We sometimes think of Victory as a "One Stop Shop," as if we only get one shot as this victory thing and if we blow it then we might as well forget it and go back to the thing causing us struggle. Victory is a process. Do we immediately have victory over the situation that God is highlighting to us? If you are in Christ, absolutely. But Philippians 2:12 tells us to "work out our salvation with fear and trembling." 1 John 5:4 says, "For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith."

So that tells me that I have to continually work out my salvation, I have to continually work out my victory. Is it mine the moment I ask? Fo sho. But it's my faith that has to work for it. I have to keep putting the hand to the plow and WORK IT OUT.

Sustained Discipline is simply Sustained Communion.

If I had no weak areas, I'd be less likely to have to seek the face of Jesus on a continual basis. Of course I'd go to Him in praise and thanksgiving, learning and searching His Word. But there is something to be said about "needing" Him on a daily basis. I need Him. Oh how I need Him. I need Jesus to help me with my weak areas. I need Him to strengthen me as I walk this Victorious road.

So the more that we walk this road of Sustained Discipline, in whatever area(s) God is calling you to be disciplined in, we have to know that it's keeping us in sweet Communion with our Father. You may take a step back, the pause button may be pressed, or perhaps you took a full sprint backwards and feel so far off course that you don't know where to begin. Start with Communion. Commune with your Lord. Acknowledge your need for Him. Call me crazy, but I think He likes to be needed. My kids better need me all their ever lovin days or somebody's getting a beat down! The minute they stop needing me is, well, it's a minute I don't want to think about. Imagine what God feels when we stop needing Him.

Could it be that your struggle is a blessing in disguise? Because perhaps, just perhaps, without that weak area, without the need for discipline, maybe we would not cling to Jesus quite as much. And after all, there's no better place to be, than clinging to Jesus for your very next step in victory.

So today, I'm no longer calling this my "attempted road to discipline." No. I live a life of sustained discipline. Will I mess up, delaying my progress? Yep. But it's just a moment to commune with someone who is able to handle my delay...

Don't speak the bleak!

Sometimes we women talk too much. We share too much. We advise to much. We get all up in everybody's business too much. Now don't get me wrong, I believe God created us with an innate ability to encourage those in our path; we absolutely need to speak into people's lives and do our best to help them be their best. But there also are times when we need to take a look at our own selves. What is coming out of our mouths about our personal situations? Is there something that God has spoke to my heart that is just for me, and in due time God will reveal it to everyone else around me, but in the mean time I'm to just ponder it in my heart? Or am I in a difficult season of life and I find myself speaking negativity over the situation, only further burying any potential for turnaround into the ground? Things I've been pondering lately...

Proverbs tells us that life and death are in the power of the tongue. So that tells me that I have the ability within my own mouth to bring life to a situation or to curse it with death. I'm all for being realistic when describing a difficult situation, I totally get that. But I also don't want the words that flow from my mouth during said description to further cause harm. Our words are powerful. We flippantly throw negative things around, and then wonder why the heck everything is going south in our lives. "I'll never figure this out." "I can't beat this health problem, it's too bad." "My kid's are so rebellious, I can't do anything with them." "I hate the way I look, I'm so fat." "I wish I had so and so's life." "I'll never pay my bills." "It's flu season, I'm sure I'll get it."

Anyone?

Again, I get being realistic, I do. Faith talk sometimes takes baby steps. So how about starting with a blend of realism and faith, flipping our confession from negative to positive. "This is difficult but with God's strength I know I can do it!" "My kids are awesome, I know God is taking their difficulty and working in their lives even if I don't see it." "I may not see myself how God does, but I'm getting there! I know He see's me as His beautiful creation so I'm doing my best to see that too!" "God promises to supply my need according to His riches, so I'll trust Him in this season." "I thank you Lord for health in my body & I don't receive anything that's going around this year!"

"You can't talk defeat and expect to have victory. You can't talk lack and expect to have abundance. You will produce what you say." - Joel Osteen

Romans 12:2 struck me in a different way today, it says, "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

The world is negative, no doubt about that. Turn on any news station and it's filled with doom and gloom. Listen to the conversations of your co-workers and it's negative. Next time you are in the check out line at the store, I'll venture to say if you listen close enough, you'll hear negative talk all around you. So the Bible is telling us not to be like the world! Why? Because we are not OF this world. We are simply strangers passing through. This world is not our home. This world and it's struggles are not our eternity. So if we are going to make a difference during our stay here on planet earth, then we need to go further in the scripture we just read; having our mind transformed so that we can prove what's good and acceptable! We can't prove the perfect will of God if we are stuck in our negative world. No, we have to get out of that zone, get out of what the world deems acceptable and normal, and move into a new realm that's filled with a transformed mind! A mind that's been transformed has no room for negativity. A transformed mind is so overcome with grace and with mercy that out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth is speaking positive, the mouth is speaking faith. How is our mind transformed? Through the Word. And the Word of God is anything but negative. So take scripture and shout it from the rooftops and watch in amazement what God will do!

A thought like this would be remiss without mentioning Romans 4:17, that we are to "call those things that are not as though they were." Is your situation bleak? Don't speak the bleak! Speak out by faith what you are believing God to do in that particular situation. Call it out! Let the fruit that flows from your mouth be positive, declaring the good things of God.

I'm the head and not the tail, I'm above and not beneath. I have more than enough! Through God's strength, I have what it takes. Whatever I put my hands to do will prosper! I thank you Lord that my kids will serve you with their whole heart! I believe that my finances are on the upswing. I am loved by almighty God, my sins are forgiven, I'm covered in mercy, and I'm just passing through, You have a home for me in Glory! I'll do my best on this earth to make a difference in the lives around me, leading them to you through my life.

Get your faith up today! NO MATTER WHAT. Faith that's not tested is faith that can't be trusted. Are you being tested today? The Bible says to "Count it all joy." Yuck. We don't like that. Joy? Really? Yes. Really. Your test is proof that God's not through with the situation. He has the last word, He gives the score, He has the final say. So walk through your test with your head held high, knowing that if God be for you, can't nobody be against you today!

Edited to add: I'm still pondering! It really comes down to a trust issue. Faith equals trust. As I speak faith over my situations, do I then believe God to actually do what I'm speaking He will do? I have some things I'm speaking faith over...so now it's up to me to put my total trust in God to bring to pass what I am speaking. Amen and amen.

Walking the human road

Have you ever been judged for the way you look, or for where you are from, or perhaps for something you said that was taken out of context? Or maybe you find yourself on the other side of the spectrum and often are the one doing the judging, not intentionally of course.

It's an easy trap to fall into, judging folks. We all have done it, or are currently doing it. We look at a person and the thoughts that cross our mind are less than kind. Or we read into something a person says, turning it into what it never was intended to be. Maybe you look at a particular Minister or church member and find every flaw they have in them and deem the church in general as a fraud.

As we walk this human road, we must be aware of the potholes along life's journey; holes that have been strategically placed by the devil himself to trip us up and cause us to miss the mark that God has for us. They are often cleverly disguised as something good, something that makes you think you are actually doing the right thing when in fact, it's only leading you further into the hole.

Sometimes we think we are God's Sheriff and that it's up to us to make sure everyone is living on the up and up, doing what they should be doing, not saying what they should not be saying, not thinking what they should not be thinking, not going where they should not be going. And we think it's our job to be sure everyone knows said person is making said mistake, because in all honesty, we think it makes us look better.

Anyone?

No, of course not.

And yet, we can skim through any social media site right now and see horrible things posted about Minister's, Christians and all around great people. And what's worse, is it's often posted by Ministers, Christians and all around great people.

You may think "if I don't expose this hypocrisy, nobody will. They will be led astray!" Didn't Jesus Himself say to take a look at the plank in your own eye before you focus on someone else? Oh man. Jesus' life on Earth was such a phenomenal example of how to walk this human road. He did not go around exposing people, He moved in forgiveness, He moved in Healing, He moved in Compassion. If you want to talk about the people He exposed, let's talk about the religious folks of His day. He was not cool with the way they operated...

I get it. I know there's some crazy stuff out there, I know there are false prophets galore. I know there are people that absolutely prostitute the gospel for their gain. I totally get it. And it's flat wrong. But I also know that there are well meaning people out there, doing their best to reach a hurting world for Christ. Maybe you don't agree with their methods, maybe they don't preach enough scripture for your approval, or perhaps their tool of ministry is so far out of the box you think they are cult status!

At the end of the day, we are judged by our fruit. If what they are doing is producing long lasting, life changing fruit, then pray God's blessing on them. If the fruit that is being produced is rotten, then pray God's hand to be in the situation and leave it at that. God's kind of an expert at dealing with people!

Ephesians says this: "So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord."

We are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God. Wow. If you call yourself a believer in Jesus, you're in the club my friend! Regardless of your denominational stance, regardless of how you were raised, regardless of your opinion on the issues of our day, regardless of how you look, regardless of where you're from, regardless of what you wear to church, regardless of your tattoo's or your lack of tattoo's, regardless of what kind of music you like, regardless of how you are raising your kids, regardless of how you think church should look like, regardless of you lifting your hands in worship or you keepin' em low, regardless of your awesomeness or your lack thereof, WE ARE THE CHURCH!

We are the Church.

The Bible says that we know we have passed from death to life when we love the brethren. Do you truly want to live? Love your brother. Love your sister. They may have a totally different way of showing Jesus than you do, and that's ok. How boring would the Church be if everyone did exactly the same thing? Granted, I think we all should rock big hair. But that's not fair to my handsome bald husband so I'll have to accept the fact that everyone is unique in their own way!

Listen, this human road is not always easy. It's wrought with so many potholes along the way. We face real life struggles on this journey such as family issues, health problems & financial crisis. We don't have time to focus on what everyone else is or isn't doing right. Let's leave the judgement to the Lord. After all, He's super skilled at running the world.

Dig your heels in!

There's a topic that's stirring in my heart today, and thinking about it now, it actually has been simmering in my heart all week. It's in regards to digging our heels in...let me explain.

Have you ever been to the beach and played in the waves? As you stand there, the wave comes rushing over you and as it makes it's way back to the ocean, if you dig your heels in, it almost feels as if you are moving, even though are completely still.

We just got back from a week at the beach, what a great time we had! Kate amazed even her own self with how well she did on a body board and Lily, well... Our first day at the beach was late in the afternoon and she was tired. As we were leaving she began to melt down over the sand that was all over her. She declared "I love the beach, I just hate the sand!" Ooookkkk.

Thankfully day 2 was much more enjoyable for her though, as we all played in the waves together. I held her hand as the waves crashed over us and she would yell, "Lily's in the lead" if a wave didn't cause her to fall. She would taunt each wave as it formed, warning it that 'you mr. wave are clearly no match for Lily.' Until she would see a huge wave begin to form, she would change her confession to "Lily might not be in the lead, dun, dun, dunnnnn!"

If the "hinormous" wave made her fall, she would tell the world that Lily was currently in 2nd place, then she would get back up and prepare to take back her role in the lead as she stood the test of waver after wave, digging her heels in. This continued over and over and over. She would be in the lead, get knocked down, get back up and declare yet again her lead position. She just kept getting back up...

There was no option of retreat for Lily. In fact, she would still be there playing the same exact game if her perfect world existed! Quitting was not on the table, no matter how much water she ingested from being knocked down. The size of the wave was no mach for her tenacious spirit. Retreat? Heck no. She took back the lead every.single.time.

So why don't we? We might find ourselves in a situation that has stripped us of our lead position so to speak - we are caught in a place of seemingly unanswered prayers - in the midst of a black night - left with more questions than answers - abandoned - alone - scared - frustrated - angry - confused - afraid.

I feel this so strongly in my spirit today for anyone needing to hear this, DIG YOUR HEELS IN. Dig your heels in and DO NOT WAIVER. It does not matter the size of the wave, it does not matter if it knocks you down momentarily, it does not matter if the answer does not develop in the way you expected it to, DIG YOUR BLASTED HEELS IN and do not move. God knows you. He knows your name. He knows the things that are against you but He also knows what is for you, and what is FOR you is far greater than what is against you.

So in whatever season you find yourself today, dig your heels in and take back your lead position. Our circumstances don't have to change to be in the lead, but our attitude sure does. We dig in to God's Word, reading it with a ferociousness about it, we can't get enough of it. We dig in through prayer, laying our requests to God and thanking Him for the outcome, however He see's fit to bring it. We dig in with thanksgiving, rejoicing over all that God has done in the past. We dig in through obedience, obeying God's Word and His commands. We dig in through consistency, not being moved by what surrounds us but sticking to what we know to do.

As the waves begin to move back to where they came, dig those heels in, you'll feel like your moving, but you won't be. You'll be completely still. Complete in the God that knows you. Complete in the fact that if He is for you, than nobody can be against you. Complete in the knowledge that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion. Complete in Him, regardless of the waves.

Get back in the lead...nobody can take that position from you unless you let them.

I'm wearing a bikini

I'm 37 years old. I have not wore a bikini since I was probably 4, when, in all honesty, is clearly the only acceptable age to wear a bikini and the only, I will say again in caps for effectiveness, the ONLY time it's cute to see butt cheeks hanging out of a swimsuit. Speaking of butt cheeks, I was shopping for underwear the other day, (something I've not done in years, again and in caps, YEARS I say) and there are panties called "Cheekers." Ok, for one, the percentage of women that can pull off wearing cheekers is slim to none, seriously. Long gone is the firm butt... Secondly, how uncomfortable?

Wow, this post is going nowhere fast.

I've struggled with weight since I was a teenager. It's not been a regular sort of struggle, if you will. You know, the kind of struggle that most people have when it comes to diet and exercise and the war of wills and yada, yada. My struggle goes deep. If you know my story, you know that having grown up in an abusive home, a root of shame became my normal early on. So food was, well, it was my comfort. And over the years, shame kept me hating the extra weight and loving it at the same time...weight was my defense mechanism, it was my protection.

In recent years, I've begun to gain some victory in this area, with the help and leading of the Lord. I've got a long way to go in the re-training of my mind, my body and my habits but I'm happy with the progress so far. I've begun to focus on the things that my body can do now, things that it could not do before. Yes, I'd be lying if I didn't say I wanted to look better too...but it makes me feel so proud of myself to see the strength that's growing.

I realize this is a topic to tread carefully because I know the pain it is to be overweight...and I know the pain it is to hear people talk about losing weight and their success story and the annoyance that can go along with hearing it! Trust me, we've all seen the pictures people post about their awesomeness and we've all rolled our eyes a time or two. Or twenty.

So I'm not sharing a typical success story; I'm not going to post a picture that I bribed Kate to take of me working out and pretend I didn't know how it got there. I'm still marching this long, long road...

Success in this area has to be different for me. Because my struggle has gone so deep, I can't be a Weight Watchers victory, losing the weight and voila, success. It has to go deeper. Today, I got a glimpse of what success is to me.

My girls have obviously watched my journey: Kate, being the oldest has seen more of the change in me physically but diet and exercise is something we talk about often in our home. We try to talk about the benefits of healthy eating and how it fuels our bodies; I never want to link food to the way we look, at least when it comes to talking with my girls. We may, or may not have ate gelato for lunch but never mind that... I have tried so hard to keep their self-esteem high, not swayed by the standards the world sets.

I've been doing kickboxing for nearly 2 years now and it's the thing that's really helped me; I have accountability with my instructor who has become a good friend so it keeps me looking forward to going and I stick to it. The girls have come with me on occasion and so they see how hard I have worked.

Well, I've been trying on bathing suits ALL WEEK long. I'm partial to CAPS today. But seriously, ALL WEEK long. I loathe trying on suits, LOATHE it. But we are going to the beach soon and it had to be done. The girls have been going with me and at first they found great sport in watching me try on suits. Poor kids, things are jigglin' that should not be jigglin' and I fear the pictures that are forever etched in their memories of mom trying to squeeze into a piece of lycra.

Then they started doing the "Kate and Lily Surprise," which consisted of them picking out a suit for me to try on and sneaking it in the dressing room. Well, they chose a bikini.

Ok, remember, 4 years old, that's the only acceptable age for a bikini. But to humor them, I tried it on. I told Kate it was comfortable but no way would I wear it! For one, I'm many years away from age 4 y'all. And quite honestly, I'm extremely modest. My girls know that as well, we talk about it often, modesty ranks very high on my list of priorities and to me, showing my stomach (even if it was "showable") is not modest.

Kate went on and on, harassing me continuously in Target over the bikini. "Mom, you have worked so hard, you earned this!" All through the store...on and on. I was enjoying the encouragement they were both giving me and it's the first time I've really heard them share their thoughts on the matter. I didn't realize they noticed, but they did.

Well we left Target, without a bikini. But today, found ourselves back at Target looking yet AGAIN for a suit. ALL WEEK long y'all.

They snuck in more bikini's to wich I said no to again and again. And then on our way out, I saw a bikini top on clearance and thought what the heck, for $5.98 I can make Kate's day. So I got it.

I got home and tried it on for the girls...you guys, they were so proud of me. They were so happy that I got it and were over the moon with excitement of how good it looked on me.

Ok, let me say this, it does NOT look good. Not by any stretch of the imagination. My stomach is loose and full of stretch marks. My butt and my thighs are full of cellulite and all manner of crazy. But to my girls, my sweet precious girls that are being raised in a society where unless you are air-brushed you are of no beauty, to them, I look beautiful.

Should I wear this bikini? No. No I should not. It goes against everything I stand for; all the way from caring what people think to my modesty, just all sorts of wrongness about it.

But you know what supersedes all those things? My babies.

As I've strived to keep them from struggling with the horrific sense of shame that I have struggled with, as I've done all that I know how to do to protect their sense of beauty, strength and dignity, I could crush that in a second if I told them "mommy just does not see what you girls see."

So yes, I will wear the $5.68 bikini top and call it good. I will not care what anyone thinks of this old gal wearing it; I will look at my stretch marks and remember why I have them in the first place. God gave me two special kids who, in spite of ALL my mothering failures, showed me today that they see beauty, strength and dignity in their mom. And to me, that's all the success I could ever hope for.

Salvation n stuff

My kids are quite the comedy show these days; Kate is nearly 10 and Lily just turned 6, so to see life through their lens is always a treat. Yesterday, we were talking about salvation and what guarantee's you a place in Heaven someday as it's been something Kate has been thinking about a lot lately. Kate confirmed that she has Jesus in her heart and asked Lily, in a big sister "Nacho Libre, I'm concerned about your salvation n stuff" sort of way, if Lily had Jesus in her heart. Lily scrunched her nose and said she didn't know, even though we have this conversation quite regularly! She then quickly recalled the time she was Four years old and I sat on her bed and we prayed. Phew, Kate was relieved her family would all be joining her in Heaven one day.

Lily said, "what about daddy?"

I did not say a word, I just wanted to see how the conversation would play out.

She says, "you know, I'm not so sure about daddy, he does have a knife in his office you know!"

It's a decorative sword he has displayed on a shelf, but she said she envisions her dad taking a break from studying in his office to pull out the knife and wield it around like a crazy person!

And he probably does do that.

I love conversations like that with my kids, conversations that challenge them to ponder the things of God and how it all works into this crazy life here on earth. I also loved that not one of the girls said "Daddy is a Pastor, of course he has Jesus in his heart." To my girls, he is simply "daddy." Sure the conversation then turned to the girls suggesting that daddy hold a summer camp that teaches people how to preach, of course, Joey loved hearing he is the best preacher. A knife wielding preacher, that is.

I love how simple salvation is. I love that the Bible says in Romans "that if you confess with your mouth, and believe in your heart, that you will be saved."

Yep, it is indeed that simple. That's why a person can be on their death bed, cry out to Jesus in the last flailing moments of life, and if a genuine belief rises in their heart, eternity in Heaven is their very next step. In the same token, this simplicity is why a young child can accept Jesus and grow up living a life that reflects that simple salvation.

It is simple. But it's not always easy. Why? Because you so desperately want to play with knives? Well, no. BUT, we have to believe. That's not always easy for us to do, is it. Because if we believe in someone then we have to actively put our trust in them. So when difficulty arises in our lives, it's very easy for dis-belief to set it in and we begin to question what we ever believed in to begin with.

When we face struggles and sin is standing at our door, we question if our belief is worth more than the feeling that sin will bring us.

When God does not answer our prayers according to our expectations, we wonder if what we believe in was ever true at all.

Oh these sentences pain me to even write but the reality of the feeling is so true for many.

When we go to Disneyland, my girls become enamored with all things make believe! It's all about Princess' and Castles and Characters and magical stuff right? Forget that someone is stuffed into a giant character head all sweaty and unable to breath well. Forget that once the park closes, the germs have to be cleaned out, the trash has to be emptied and reality comes alive once again.

It's so fun to believe, isn't it? To just see life through the eyes of a kid and simply believe. Let's do that today, shall we. Let's simply believe. Let's believe that God is who He says He is. Let's believe that we are made righteous through the blood of Jesus. Let's believe that we can conquer any mountain of difficulty that comes our way. Let's believe that if God is for us than nobody can be against us. Let's believe that Jesus loves us with an everlasting love that won't fade away nor will it be based on our performance. Let's simply accept His sweet salvation n stuff...

And probably don't play with knives. Otherwise my 6 year old will greatly question your salvation...

No Parking Baby!

Worry stinks. I worry a lot. And then if I'm not worrying, I worry that I'm forgetting something I should be worrying about. But I don't have issues AT ALL right? Maybe you can relate.

I love the Bible. I love the truth it holds, I love the promises that God offers to us as we follow His instructions, I truly truly do. But I have to say, one of the most read verses in God's infallible Word is one of the most difficult verses for me to follow.

Good old Philippians 4 says, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

The Bible talks a lot about worry; Jesus tells us in Matthew not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. But honestly, it's not worry about tomorrow that holds me, I'm pretty good with tomorrow. I can give God my fears of the future as He has walked with me many, many years to get me to a place of ability to do that. So it's not tomorrow that causes me worry, it's today. It's problems that loved ones face today. It's issues that friends face today. It's anything that I need to work through today. It's worry that rears its ugly head...today.

So I'll share something with you that God shared with me last night; I figure if God helped me with it, perhaps it can help someone else too.

Last night I had a conversation with my husband that got me thinking about this subject in a way I had not thought of it before; it really challenged me to take a look at what my worry was doing in a larger scope than I was seeing. Why does he always have to be right? Good thing he's handsome...

So anyhow, as I laid in bed I was pondering what we had talked about as the truth of the matter was slowly sinking in and I could feel freedom rising in my heart! You see, I had been worrying about a situation that I really can't control, as is most generally the case with worry isn't it? And as I was lying there I was talking to the Lord, as I do at night on my way to sleep. But I found myself saying the phrase of a song to Him: You are Great, you do miracles so great! And all of a sudden I felt God stop me and ask me this question: "Do you believe that?"

Well of course I do Lord, I absolutely know you can do miracles that are so great. Yes, yes I believe that.

"Then let Me do it."

Then let me do it. That was God's reply to my Spirit and boy that sure got my attention. As long as I'm worrying over a situation, I'm not giving God room to move in the situation. As long as I'm controlling the situation, attempting to fix it in my strength and power, I imagine God just waiting for me to finish doing what I think is best so that He can get involved and do what's really really the best.

So today I share this very personal thing with anyone that will read it because I know the obsessive thoughts that come with worry. I know what it's like to hold stuff in my mind so tightly, not giving God room to move and perform that great miracle that He is simply waiting to do. I know what worry feels like...that's why Philippians 4 is a scripture we need to do more than just read, we need to digest it, we need to rehearse it, we need to obsess over it.

It brings tears to my eyes right now to think of the goodness of God displayed in that scripture. That if I will not be anxious over ANYTHING, but if I will give my worry over to Him in prayer, thanking Him for the outcome and LEAVING the worry within that request, I'm guaranteed the peace of God to wash over every area of my own understanding...and then He goes above what I can comprehend. That's why He is the only one that truly can do miracles that are so great. If I could understand His ways, they would not be great.

So today, I'm not going to worry. I'm not going to be anxious. I'm going to take the issues and present them to God as a request for Him to intervene. I'm going to thank Him for the outcome. And then I'm going to leave it alone. I'm not going to give the worry a permanent parking place in my mind for today. I'm going to get out of the way and "let God do it." That old song comes to mind, "no parking baby, no parking on the dance floor." No parking! God's trying to dance in our situation, let's get worry out of the way...

I WANT ANSWERS!

I talk to myself, a lot. Out loud. In my car. It's just how I roll. And I talk to the Lord, a lot. Out loud. In my car. Again, it's how I roll. So the other day, I was worrying about something and contemplating what I know to be true about giving my worries to God. I know I need to give my worries to the Lord, I know that His Word assures me that if I cast my cares on Him that He will sort every last detail out. I know this. But sometimes my brain and my Spirit don't get along well, and my brain leads me one way while my Spirit reminds me what to do. Anyone?

So I found myself asking God a question out loud: "How do I give something over to you when I don't have the answer?"

Nothing.

Crickets.

Often when I ask God a question, He pretty quickly drops the answer in my heart. But not this time. I went about my day and oddly enough, the situation I was worrying about began to show signs of answers coming!

Fast forward to the next day, I was visiting my tiny little feisty Italian grandma in the hospital who, mind you, needed 5 nurses to get her back in her bed on account of her feistiness...I can't imagine where I get my sass from - but as I was there I saw a quote on the wall that about hit me upside the head!

"A bird doesn't sing because he has the answer, a bird sings because he has a song."

Boom and boom. There was my answer. Like Dory in "Finding Nemo," just keep singing. JUST KEEP SINGING. That is how I give my worry to God. I keep singing. Because, like the bird, I too have a song.

Psalm 40 says, He has put a new song in my mouth—Praise to our God; Many will see it and fear, And will trust in the Lord.

God put a song in my mouth already, and when I worry and fret over something I have no control over (which I am finding I don't have control over much which is very hard for this controlling personality. Sheesh. I might need 5 nurses to hold me down too if I can't control something quick. Anyone need their life planned for them? Can I put you on a budget, please? Shall I give you advice on your hair, clearly it needs to be bigger. Anyone?)

But as I allow anxiety to overwhelm me as I worry and contemplate things I can't control, and things I can control, for that matter, all I'm doing is silencing my song. God created me to sing. And what's so awesome about this whole gig God gave me is not only does He create me to sing, but He gives me the song to do it. As I open my mouth and begin to praise Him for what He has done, it's as if each word of praise that flows out of my mouth is a stepping stone to the answer I need!

I'm listening to birds sing right now. They don't have all the answers, they live for the moment. They don't know where their next meal will come from, but they keep singing. They don't know if their eggs will make it past the dangers that the outdoors bring, but they keep singing. They sing at night, they sing in the day, they just keep singing.

So today, as it's the day between Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday, keep singing. This is the day they waited for Glory to come. They waited to see what would happen. They waited in confusion, despair, hopelessness. But they waited. And oh boy did Glory come!

So as you wait today for the answers that you need, keep singing. Keep your hope fixed on the Glory that's coming and just.keep.singing.

Wanna hang out?

I love to read scripture in different translations often, it provides such insight and sometimes causes me to see a scripture in a way I'd never seen it. Take Ephesians 1:28-20 in the New Living Translation for example:

"I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance. 19 I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power 20 that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms."

I don't know about you, but I need to receive this pray that Paul prayed thousands of years ago! I need my heart flooded with light today, so that I can understand the confident hope that God has given to me. I needed to read that I am God's rich and glorious inheritance, how about you? I needed to be reminded of the incredible greatness of God's power that's available for me, how about you?

Are you facing a challenge today, perhaps a mountain you have been climbing for seemingly years and years with no true progress being made? You still feel like no matter how much you climb you keep seeing the same surroundings, nothing changes.

Allow this scripture to encourage you today as it does me; the incredible greatness of God's power is available to you! The incredible greatness of His power. His power does not stop short of anything. His power is not determined by your past, present or future. His power cannot be stopped by all the legions of Hell. His power does not need permission to operate.

But I believe before we can see God's incredible greatness of power displayed in our life, we have to accept the first part of the verse - we have to believe that we are His rich and glorious inheritance. Yes, I am. The mess of a person that I am, flawed in so many ways, I AM HIS RICH AND GLORIOUS INHERITANCE. That means God is looking forward to inheriting me in His Kingdom! Like a loving daddy waiting for his little girl to get home, God is waiting with baited breath to have me for all of eternity. Woah. That's a pretty heavy pill to swallow.

So the sooner I accept that truth, the sooner I'll welcome the incredible greatness of His power in ALL areas of my life. I have to first know that I'm His desire...if I don't accept that, I'll never fully accept His power in my life, because I won't think I'm deserving of it. But I am. And so are you.

So today, know that you are MORE than a conqueror - know that you are the head and not the tail - know that you are above and not beneath - know that you are destined for greatness - know that the mountain shall be moved - but most of all, know that you are His rich and glorious inheritance and God Almighty Himself can't wait to hang out with you...forever.