So.

So. My kids are playing outside in massive leave piles...probably barefoot...in the cold. But they are having fun so who am I to stop the hoopla. Albeit we had a break for a leaf stuck in Lily's throat, par for the course I suppose.

So. I've wanted to write a book for a long time. And I've thought that I actually would write a book for a long time. But now, well, now I think I really am going to write a book.

So. So I have really been pondering it over and over the past few weeks. I started said book quite some time ago, wrote my first paragraph and thought I was really on a roll. Then it sat. And sat. And sat. Until a few weeks ago, I picked it up and continued. I have about a chapter done. I know, I know, a chapter and I'm already thinking I'm serious about this! So. I actually contacted a particular publishing company that I'm quite fond of, sent an e-mail and got a general response back. I figured that was the end of it, phew, no phone conversation. Email is easy! No questions to worry about having the right answers for, no need to come up with money right now, no worries right! Until he called me. Ooops.

I let it go to voicemail as I had a feeling it might be the Publishing company and I wasn't ready! What would I say? I have ONE chapter people! What's wrong with me, why did I even look into it? So much goes into the process, time, funds, etc., and I'm nowhere near starting...so why? Why. Because I felt like God wanted me to. So.

So after I did not answer the phone, I began to talk myself out of the entire thing. I am too scared to do it. Too afraid of the journey.

So I got to where I was heading, the church, I went and sat in the office, opened up my laptop as I was about to do some paperwork. But in typical Jen fashion, figured I'd peruse Twitter for a moment, cuz that's what you do when you have a quick internet connection right?

So someone had posted a link to one of my favorite blogs and it caught my attention. It was a post on the "Living Proof Live" blog called "To new writers, with love," that nearly floored me, and had I not been floating in a Grande Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte I probably would have landed on the floor.

So perhaps you won't take time to read it, although I highly recommend you do. But I could not believe that my favorite Author just happened to pen that blog post at the exact time I was talking myself out of the very thing she posted about.

Forgive the cheeziness of this line but "it was too odd not to be God."

So I waited nearly the whole day, but I finally called the Publisher back. We talked about the details, since I have zero experience in the whole thing. No pressure, gave me lots of advice. I'm not sure where I go from here, in that I still have to obviously write the book & work through the submission process. But I feel like something was conquered that day. The fear of the journey. It scared me to think of writing a book. It will share so much of my life so I feared I would say too much, or not say enough. Would people understand my heart? Would anyone even read it? Am I honoring God? So many questions.

So this really hit me:

"Perfectionism will snuff the flame. Period. Give it up. It’s cheating us out of hearing your genuine voice. These are a few reasons why we may never read books by some of the greatest writers on the planet. Some are too narcissistic to take the criticism, too undisciplined to see it through the dry spells, or too committed to greatness to settle for publishing something good. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works. We don’t have to strive for fabulous. Purely doing some good can be really great."

Beth Moore is my fav. She would like me, on account of my big hair and all.

One more portion to share that just about left me in a heap of tears:

"Write on, sister or brother. Don’t wait for a publisher or a book deal. A true writer has to write even with no one to read. Scribble down rogue phrases and incomplete sentences as they come whether or not they seem strung together. Write on the backs of sales receipts or the palm of your other hand. Just write! That book is in there somewhere. If it seems slow, wait for it. (Habakkuk 2:3) And when it comes, may God speak."

So that's what I'm doing. I'm writing. And praying. And that's why I'm posting this here publicly for all 2 of you that read this. I'm asking for your prayers too. Pray that God would have His way. I know in my heart of hearts that this needs to be done. I believe I have direction on the title and the main topic of the book, but I need God ever so much. Ever so.

Thank you :)

Kate is 8?!

I have some pretty cool kids. I just do. They are both unique and different in their own ways, that is for sure. I have yet to do my usual Birthday letter to my oldest baby girl, even though she turned 8 a few months ago. But I figure, what better time than now.

I love to write letters to them; as I'm not one for scrap-booking, I figure this is the next best thing!

I think one reason I've yet to write this Birthday letter is due to the fact that I really have not yet accepted Joei Kate is 8 years old. For some reason this age is hitting me harder than any other age has. I don't know why...just, 8? I mean, 8. EIGHT. It's crazy.

Dear Joei Kate,

You are 8. And that rhymes. And if you were standing next to me we would make up a song about that, as we often make up songs about anything and everything. You are such an awesome kid. I've seen you grow up so much in the past year, too much for my liking and certainly too much for your dad's mental state to handle! I can begin to envision what life will be like for you in the next few years, as you begin to leave the world of a child and onto an actual "kid" now. Ugh.

You are in 2nd grade, with Mrs. Halley. You really like having her for a teacher. You have your BFF in class with you, so I honestly wonder if you pay attention to said enjoyable teacher but nonetheless, you like 2nd grade. You are a loyal friend. You are quick to overlook people's faults when it comes to your friendships; you are a forgiving person as well. I've watched you do it...even if you didn't realize that's what you were doing.

You are so sensitive, and so precious. You are an extremely beautiful girl, both on the outside and on the inside. You have always been, and still are, very compassionate. You don't like me to repeat things to you, such as, do your chores - get your shoes on - empty your lunch pail - on and on...But as your mother, unfortunately nagging is an allowed gift. Sorry about that ;)

You are a great reader, you picked up on that quickly. You love to color and draw, and are very good at that also. You enjoy song-writing and singing. You love to watch TV, especially if there is a fire in the fireplace. But you don't like the fireplace door open, you are extremely cautious. You still are very shy when in the company of strangers, so is Lily. But after awhile, you warm up and begin to share your awesome personality with the world! You still love to be in the nursery at church, "helping" Miss Aleyda. I think you will forever work in the nursery!

A highlight for me recently was watching you be baptized! You decided on your own, that you were ready to make that public confession of your love for Jesus, by being baptized in water. How cool for you that it was your daddy that got to do it! I think you said, "Oh poo," over the mic, if I recall...I don't remember why, but I do believe you did. Yep. That's my girl. Loves potty talk.

I sure love ya kid. I know daddy does not agree with this, as he wants you to stay little forever, but I look forward to growing with you. I look forward to all the years we have ahead of us, watching you change, watching you learn...and in turn, learning a whole lot myself. Love, mom