Tonight Joei (Kate, or whoever she is at the moment...) and I read the story of Rachel & Leah. I love how this particular kids Bible reads though, it paints the story in such an easy way that I grasp it better! Oh wait, I mean my 6 year old can grasp it better...riiiiight.
Anyway, the story of Rachel and Leah starts in Genesis 29. It's such a gut-wrenching story to me. Here you have two sisters, Rachel and Leah. Apparently, judging from scripture, Rachel was very beautiful whereas Leah did not have the outward appearance that Rachel held. The kids Bible I read to Joei was painting Rachel as the popular girl, the one everybody always liked...the one that got picked first. Leah, on the other hand, was the one picked last. So in comes Jacob, of course he falls in love with Rachel. Her father says he can marry Rachel once he works for 7 years for her, Jacob complies, only to be tricked on his wedding night into marrying Leah. Father says he can really really have Rachel, in another 7 years. Jacob complies, and finally gets the girl.
I don't know what guts me more about this story: that Leah already feels the stigma of being deemed the "ugly" one or that she actually has to marry a man, knowing full well that man does not love her, that he loves her sister, that she is considered second best to her. Or that she has to continue in a marriage with a man who does not find her attractive, at all. Or that all the other women in the village talk about Leah behind her back, or perhaps they are flat mean and do it to her face. Or is it the tension between two sisters that guts me? Or is it the fact that Leah tried so hard to gain Jacob's affection by giving him child after child after child. Or. Or. Or. Rejection. Pain. Hurt. Ugly.
I would love to sit down and talk with Leah. I would love to ask her what thought process finally brought her to child number four. It's interesting to me that she named that child Judah, saying "this time I will praise the Lord." And that was that. The battle for Jacob's affection continued between the two women, but I wonder what Leah's heart must have felt when she finally said, yep, it's time to praise the Lord. I wonder, did Leah finally realize the beauty that was within her? Did she finally begin to see that she had value, regardless of her outward appearance? Did she finally grow weary of trying to reach a man that never had a heart of joy for her?
We have all felt like Leah at one point or another, more often then not I'd say. My own personal struggle in the area of self-image has been quite a journey...one that continues daily, but thankfully a journey that God has been so faithful to see me through. But that's a story for a different day. Or night actually. I fear my eyes shall cross if I type much more!
My favorite scripture right now is Psalm 45:11, "The King is enthralled with your beauty; honor Him, for He is your Lord."
The word enthralled means "to be filled with wonder and delight." Imagine that! God, all knowing, all powerful, gracious, merciful, provider, deliverer, comforter, protector...GOD, He looks at me and is filled with wonder and delight. No matter what. Regardless of how I feel about it. Regardless of what other people feel about me. God is enthralled with me! The same God that was filled with wonder and delight when He looked at precious Leah is the same God that looks at you & me today and finds us pretty darn awesome.
Leah spent so much time fighting for Jacob to notice her. She tried everything in her power to cause his eyes to turn towards her. All the while God was gently whispering to her soul "I'm enthralled with you Leah. I think you are beautiful. I think you are pretty darn awesome."
That same God whispers to us, His precious daughters, that very same thing today. You are beautiful. You are precious to me. You bring me joy. You bring me delight. I am enthralled with you. With YOU.
