He's all I need

Joei generally goes to bed pretty easy for me; we have her routine and so long as it's followed, all is well. Unless she wants her dad. Then it's a bit more time spent assuring her that he will be home soon, calling him and on and on. She will drag that horse out as long as she can!

Last night, she was in tears at bedtime, she wanted her dad. She started getting so upset that she could not catch her breathe and began saying over and over, "Call my daddy, he's all I need!" Over and over. And over.

I personally can't resonate with a statement like that, at least not in the physical realm. I don't recall a time in my life that I ever wanted my dad, a time that I thought he would meet my need. Ever. In fact, I had a terrible time accepting that God wanted to be a Father to me. So much so that I did not like calling God "father" because to me, that was an insult to the Lord. He was so much more than what I knew a father to be. It has taken quite a few years but yes, I do have a father. And yes, He is all I need.

When Lily was in the NICU and we were given the worst diagnosis possible, He was all I needed. When I quit my job to stay home with Joei and we were not promised any additional stable income, He was all I needed. When I have faced various trials throughout my life, again, He was all I needed. When I woke up this morning with a beat in my heart, even still, He is all I need. As I sit here this fine afternoon, in my wonderful home, yep, still...all I need. No matter the phase of life I am in, may I never forget to "call my daddy, He's all I need."

Compassion International

I follow quite a few blogs, a few of them being folks that just went on a trip for Compassion International, an amazing ministry. The blog posts so moved me, that we decided to sponsor a child from India. I have always loved the Indian people, ever since I was a teenager, so it seemed fitting to pick a child from that culture. I am not posting this to act like I'm super awesome for doing that, I really just want to brag on my kid a minute. I told her my idea, she jumped right on board with me, so we sat at the computer and began to look through the kids that were in need of sponsors. Bless her little heart, she wanted to sponsor a child "that had no family." And she totally understood the importance of doing so as well. We were unable to find any orphans, so we continued the search and she ended up picking a little girl named Ashwini, real close to her age. We read all about her life, Joei looked at the blog posts I had been following, the pictures and video and what not. It's really been a great way for us to talk about how blessed she is in life and how much more we need to help people. I really think this is going to be such a great way for Joei to learn compassion for herself...

I look foward to getting to know this sweet little girl, and getting to see my sweet little girl grow as a result. I will keep y'all posted!

Good thing

Joei: Mom, what's a stretch mark?

I show her, as I have stretch mark a plenty.

Joei: Is that where they cut your stomach off? (referring to my c-section of course.)

Me: No, it's right here. (I show her my scar.)

Joei: They only cut your stomach off and not your face?

Me: (chuckling.) No, they didn't cut my face.

Joei: Oh. That's good that they didn't have to cut your face off, because that would hurt.

Me: Yep. That's a good thing.

Pray for Stellan

Hey guys - I know there are just a few readers here, but if you could take a moment to pray for Stellan, every bit counts! The latest blog entry has some big changes for the little babe, he needs prayer.

Thanks!!

Perspective

Lily has been sick the majority of this year, nothing real major, just colds and what not. We did have a scare with multiple bladder infections a few months back, and today found out she has a pretty raw throat with white little bumps...so while it's nothing life threatening by any means (although any sickness with your baby is heartbreaking regardless,) it's enough to keep her awake at night, often. She does not sleep all that great, she has not slept all that great for months now. Last night was another rough night with her and in fact, I'm a but delirious so if this makes no sense, forgive me.

In my bad attitude towards my lack of sleep, I'm hit with such an awe of gratitude to the Lord. I'm thankful that my momentary trouble is simply a baby with a nasty cold, some teething issues & sleep trouble. There is a button on my blog to pray for baby Stellan (you can click on it if you want to read more.) He's just a little guy, fighting for his life in the hospital. I have a friend whose mother is facing Alzheimer's. Joey just visited a man in the hospital from our church who is battling cancer. He had a major operation on his stomach in order to get just his basic functions going again. He looked at Joey and said how thankful he was for the Lords grace in his life, that he did not deserve it. He is fighting his momentary battle better than many of us fight silly little things.

In this moment, my heart is turned toward those battling real serious life issues. I don't know how they do it; not only face the battle, but attack it head on with faith. It's amazing to me. In this life we will have trouble, says the Lord. But He tells us to take heart. Why? Because He has overcome this world. He has overcome that sickness. He has overcome that diagnosis. He has overcome that financial pit. He has overcome that depression. He has overcome that adversity. He has overcome. Thank you Jesus that you are there to give strength to those that need to overcome. Thank you Lord. And forgive me for allowing the silly little things in life to cause me to lose sight of the big picture. Remind us to pray Lord. Remind me to pray.

2 Corinthians 4:17 "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."

I remember

I'm having one of those "thankful" days, ever have those? Just a day to reflect on all you have seen, all you remember, and being thankful for where you are today. I remember.

The other night we met with the Pastors at our church that do outreach and as we were talking about different things we want to do to reach our city (mind you our city is named the "most miserable place to live) I remembered. I was sharing with them how there was a time as a kid that I recall getting food from a church. It broke me into tears talking about it, as if it just happened. We lived on Welfare most of my childhood, and that's not a fun place to live. It was not like my mom did not work hard either, it was just that my dad was no help at all to her financially. She did not sit around, collect government money and call it a day. She was one that tried her hardest to get off the system; but with 4 kids, you can imagine how hard it was. When I look back on my childhood, I generally think of everything from my perspective, how it affected me. Now that I'm an adult, with kids of my own, I can only imagine a glimpse of what my mom must have felt on a daily basis.

I did not intend for this to be a sad post however, sometimes you have to remember the rough times in order to appreciate the now. I remember. And I appreciate. I generally am a thankful person anyway, not because I'm super awesome and always have the right attitude, no. I guess it's just because I do remember, I remember where I used to live. And I see where I live now.

I'm so thankful that God lifted me out of the mirey clay, that He set my feet on a solid rock. I'm so thankful to have a great family, to have great friends. I'm so thankful to be part of a church that is gearing up to reach this miserable place to live. I'm just so thankful. Because I remember.

He hears

I know that God hears us when we pray; I pray with full faith that God is totally hearing me, that He is placing things into action to facilitate the answer that I need. Yes, I believe in the power of prayer.

Having said that, I tend to forget that God hears me when I'm just talking to Him, not really praying for anything in particular, just talking. I know He hears me, but sometimes I need to be reminded that I know it.

Just now, I was sitting down to read a bit before I go to bed, ya, it's 8:30 and I'm getting ready for bed, so what?! Anyway. I just was talking to the Lord briefly about different areas in my life that I feel are lacking...you know how that goes right? You always have something you feel inadequate about...at least I do. I found myself telling the Lord things about myself that I wish were different, and to even type them out here, well, it would sound so silly to you all. It's not physical, although I always am griping to the Lord about weight. Nope, tonight I was just talking to God about how I wish that I were smarter, had more to offer people...more value...things along those lines. I won't go into detail, but you get the gist right.

So I open a book that I have started to read before but had forgotten about. I decide to read the introduction, and was reminded that yes, I know God hears. The intro starts off talking about the time that Mary went to the tomb and was met by Jesus Himself! It goes on to say how Mary knew that Jesus cared deeply about her simply because He called her by name that day...this is the portion that jumped out at me:

"God knows each of you and cares for you just as He cared about Mary. He knows your name; you belong to Him (Isaiah 43:1). No matter who you are or what kind of baggage you carry with you, no matter what you look like or feel like, no matter what you do or don't do, God loves you just as you are right now. You don't have to get your act together, lose ten pounds, run a marathon, write a best-selling book, or raise perfect children. You are an extraordinary woman in His sight right now."

Ok, crazy right? Man. No sooner had I just finished talking to the Lord about all these attributes that I feel are lacking in myself, that I read that He thinks I'm extraordinary. I have never, ever used that word in describing myself but lookout guys, I may just have to start!

So there ya have it; the next time you start off on a list of things you want to change, remind yourself that you are already extraordinary!!! Just.as.you.are.